It Sucks Being the Eldest
by HextheDaydreamer
Summary: Dick and Jason have plenty of trials and tribulations when it comes to being the eldest in the family, some are worthwhile and others...just embarassing. Through the good and the bad, they're always there. Going on a hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

It Sucks Being the Eldest 

**Number 1: A Problem Called Jason Todd**

Dick knows something is wrong with Jason when he decides to blow up a casino and kill a few drug lords in the process

**Number 2: Where are the Cookies?**

On days when Alfred is on vacation and Bruce has finally given up to sleep, it's up to Dick to pry Tim's hands from around Jason's neck as they fight for the last double chocolate chip cookie.

**Number 3: Names**

"Jerk."

"Dick."

"…Not fair."

"But it's true…in more ways than one."

"You are _so dead_."

**Number 4: Costumes**

Nightwing knew patrol would be interesting tonight, he just didn't expect Catwoman to be so insistent on rubbing his legs.

"I missed it when you _didn't_ wear pants."

"You can blame the Third Robin for not wanting to look like Batman's boy toy.

"But it looked _so good_."

**Number 5: Girlfriend**

"She's not my girlfriend, Tim."

"But you were holding hands."

"We were crossing the street."

"But you kissed her."

"People do that when they say goodbye."

"But-"

"Tim, she was _nine_."

"So you're a pedophile?"

"Shut up, Jason."

**Number 6: Sleeping**

"Um…Dick? Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"No…"

"Well, what happened?"

"I wet the bed again."

**Number 7: Heartache**

Dick was sitting by the window and watching the rain trickle down the glass. Jason was sitting on the couch reading a magazine and occasionally glancing up to make sure Dick didn't fall over. Tim walked over and saw Dick, a curious expression crossing his face, before Jason clicked his tongue and pulled the tyke onto the couch with him.

"What's with Dick?"

"His girlfriend just broke up with him over the phone."

"Should we go over there?"

"Nope. He'd say we don't understand."

**Number 8: Favourite**

"Come on, Dick. Who's your favourite kid? Jason, Damian, or me?"

"Um…well…"

**Number 9: Nightmare**

Fighting Jason doesn't bother Dick. The fact that as a child Jason would crawl into bed with him and talk about a dream where he kicked Dick bothers him, mostly because Jay would be crying whereas now, he's laughing.

**Number 10: Reboot**

He had never seen Damian so upset before, never knew those big blue eyes could seem bigger than they were at this moment.

"But…I don't _want_ to forget you. I don't want to forget _this_."

"Me neither, Robin."

**Number 11: Old Age**

Dick sometimes wished Tim would visit more often or perhaps that Jason hadn't been killed in that train wreck thirty years ago because tending to Bruce and his urinary infection was _not_ fun.

**Number 12: Replacement**

Dick liked to think he was special, that he and Bruce would share this father-son bond forever. He quickly changed his mind when the Batman had a small boy hidden under his cape.

"This is Jason."

**Number 13: Friends**

Dick knew that Tim had friends other than him but would it _kill_ the kid to spend some time with his older brother?

**Number 14: Family**

Dick couldn't remember the last time he had a quiet dinner with his family and by the looks of it, that quiet dinner would never come. Damian and Tim were wrestling on the floor with forks in hand, Jason was in a yelling match with Bruce, cheesecake was splashed over Alfred's new suit, Babs had disappeared, and Dick had just lost his peas, mashed potatoes, and prime rib steak to Jason who threw it in Bruce's face.

**Number 15: Mornings**

Jason slept with a gun and would shoot you if you even _attempted_ to open a window or pull the covers off him.

Tim always installed some trap so when you'd open the door; water, slime, paint, or eggs would almost _always_ fall on your head.

Damian just threw shit at you until he threatened to find a knife and murder you.

Bruce? It was a miracle if he slept at all.

**Number 16: Sharing**

Dick didn't like sharing anything, especially his bed. Jason hogged the sheets, Tim would kick in his sleep and Damian would cling to him as if Dick was suddenly transformed into a giant teddy bear...Then again, that wasn't so bad.

**Number 17: Ice Cream**

Dick liked to go all out with his ice cream. Sprinkles, whipped cream, fruit, chocolate syrup, candy, cookies, fudge; you name it. Damian preferred straight vanilla with a cherry on top, though he didn't mind Dick's choice of toppings when he "accidently" dropped his cone…All seventeen times.

**Number 18: Eighteenth Birthday**

Dick was silently cursing Alfred's intuition right now. Jason was of the legal age to drink and now he was _illegally_ over the limit. Why, oh why, did he let Jason drive?

**Number 19: Bullies**

"Which one of you is responsible for this?"

"…"

"No one? Well, I suppose I'll just have to teach you a lesson then, hm?"

_Minutes Later_

"Dick, did you get in a fight?"

"Yes, Bruce. Yes, I did."

"Did you lose?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"…Dick."

**Number 20: Time of Dying**

"Who's going to comfort me?"


	2. Chapter 2

It Sucks Being the Eldest Continued 

**Number 21: Bad Hair Day**

"Wow, Damian. What happened to your hair?"

"Ask again and I'll break your kneecaps."

**Number 22: Smoking**

Dick climbed on top of the roof of the mansion and leaned back against the chimney, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up. Just as the fag touched his lips, it was swiped from his hands and put in someone else's mouth, Jason grinned at his older brother and kicked his shoes.

"Come on. Golden Boy doesn't smoke." Dick rolled his eyes and shimmied back up the wall where he tackled Jason and took the cigarette back, taking a quick drag and blowing the smoke into Jason's face.

"It relieves stress, doesn't it?" he shot back a little angrily. "I _am_ Golden Boy afterall, have to be perfect or I might rust."

**Number 23: School**

Bruce was away on a business trip in China and he'd be away for the next week and that left Dick to take care of delivering Jason and Tim to school. Which is easier said than done because Tim is usually already there and Jason usually runs off after T.A., leaving Dick to chase him around Gotham until Jay trips over his shoe lashes.

**Number 24: Marks**

It's no wonder why Tim's greatest insult towards Jason is "stupid".

The kid is getting 99% in everyone one of his high school courses and he's _twelve_.

Jason dropped out halfway through.

**Number 25: Tough Guy**

The first time Dick met Jason, Jason walked away with a black eye while Dick was sent to the hospital for a broken leg. Jason refused to apologize and Dick didn't really care but he later changed his mind when his little brother barged into his room, tears in his eyes, and begged for Dick to forgive _him_.

**Number 26: Hide-and-Seek**

"Damian? Damian? Where are you?"

Silence.

"I give up. Really…Jesus, how do you do it?"

Dick heard the rustling of sheets behind him and he turned around, quickly trying to mask the utter surprise and the laughter bubbling up in his throat. Damian was standing on Bruce's bed, black sheets wrapped around his tiny frame and all he could say was:

"Because, I'm Batman."

**Number 27: Motorcycles**

Dick knew how Bruce picked up Jason, jacking tires from the Batmobile. And then Dick reminded himself why he should _never_ leave his motorcycle unchecked.

**Number 28: Fetish**

Damian and Jason didn't like each other, Dick didn't quite understand _why _the hatred between them was so harsh but then again, Damian did mention the "forbidden topic".

"Well you have an excessive motorcycle and leather fetish."

"…It's on _now_, Baby B."

**Number 29: The Law of Kitchen Ware**

"Jason, I'm meeting Babs at the movies, could you take care of things here?"

"Sure, it's not like I'm in the middle of fight against Killer Croc."

"Jay, you rock. Don't let Damian play with the knives."

"What?" _Click! _"Damnit."

_Later that Night_

"What happened, Alfred?"

"Master Todd didn't take your advice into consideration."

"Fucking _Hell_, Dick, he stabbed me in the leg!"

**Number 30: On the Matter of Rooms**

Dick moved out of Wayne Manor after he became Nightwing and made tried as best as he could to visit as much as he could, and today happened to be Spring Cleaning. Alfred showed Dick up the stairs where he could survey the damage.

Jason's room smelt like smoke, gun powder, blood, leather, and dust..._Lots_ of dust.

Tim's room was meticulously clean but the youngster tended to keep everything, his closet consisted of graded papers, assignments, old book reports, the occasional teddy bear, and a Valentine's Day card from Dick.

Damian's? No one's allowed in…Or rather, no one has dared brave the entrance to it.

**Number 31: Comfort**

Dick had watched the news report concerning Black Mask, the Joker and (of course), the Red Hood that evening in the Bat Cave. Bruce has refused to go over the details of the encounter and Dick didn't want to push the topic any further, it's not every day your little brother comes back from the dead. It had been a while since he had seen Jason and when he found him, he was a little surprised at what he saw.

Jason was curled up against the wall, the helmet cast aside, and Dick could _swear_ that he was crying. Tip-toeing across the floor, Dick lowered himself behind Red Hood and wrapped his arms around the younger's chest, pinning his arms just in case Jason was in a bad mood.

"Wanna talk about it, Jay-Jay?" he asked gently, Jason seemed to shudder and he shook his head.

"…Is _he _with you?"

"No, it's just me Baby Jay."

"Just you?" Jason stared over his shoulder at Dick and leaned back with a long sigh. "Then…stay here awhile, would you?"

"Anything you say."

**Number 32: Anger Management **

Dick was thrown into the wall, ripped from it and then slammed into the floor where Jason sat on his chest, breathing hard and shaking with pure adrenaline.

"Happy now?" Dick asked hoarsely, pushing Jason off and rolling onto his side.

"Yeah, thanks for that." Jason coughed and stood up, pushing Tim forward and grinning. "You're up."

Dick groaned and shut his eyes. _Great idea, Dick. You've got two broken ribs, Tim will give you bruises, and Damian just might kill you. Fan-tucking-tastic._

**Number 33: Once in a Blue Moon**

"Hey Dick?"

"Oh, Damian. I didn't see you there."

"Yeah, whatever…"

"Something up, kiddo?"

"…It's just that…With Jason being gone and Tim...Being, well, Tim..."

"Yeah…?"

"Just wanted to say…I love you."

**Number 34: House Guests**

Wayne Manor doesn't get any.

**Number 35: Alfred and Vacation in the same sentence**

A time when Bruce takes the time to change all the locks, bar the windows, and seal any other entrance to make Dick's life a living Hell for three months.

**Number 36: Home Alone**

Dick likes his own house. He likes his own space. His own bed. His own bathroom. Everything. But nothing is better than having Wayne Manor all to himself when Jason and Bruce are spending time cleaning up Gotham, Tim is away on school trips, and Damian sleeps over at Barbara's.

But something bad usually happens. Damian forgot his teddy bear (the one Dick had given him), so he has to come home. Tim ate something foul and it upset his stomach so he'd come home so Alfred could remedy the illness. And Jason has usually caused a significant injury and needs to work off some steam, Bruce doesn't come home until it is…oh, around five in the morning, leaving Alfred and Dick to get him prepared for the meeting he has at seven.

**Number 37: Birthday**

Every birthday since Dick lost his parents, everyone tries to make it better.

Bruce takes the day off, which is usually unheard of.

Jason doesn't poke fun at his name and lets him borrow the bike.

Tim actually comes out of his room to socialize.

Damian admits he's happy to have an older brother like Dick.

**Number 38: Hangover**

"Jason…_where_ did you get the vodka?"

"The wha?"

"_Vodka_. Jason. _Vodka_. The alcoholic drink made from potatoes, idiot." Jason hung onto the neck of the bottle and leaned over the edge of the island, smirking and licking his lips.

"Don't know what you talkin' 'bout, Dickie Bird." Jason pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger, taking long and deep breaths.

"Jason. You. Are. Drunk. Bruce is going to _kill_ me."

"Not my problem." Dick raised an eyebrow.

"We'll see…"

_The Next Morning_

"Dick, where's Jason?"

"Oh…He had a rough night. You go; I'll take care of him."

It was only when Bruce left the kitchen that Dick went to retrieve his brother from the kitchen sink, half carry him up the stairs, get puked on, and then change his clothes and get him to bed.

**Number 39: Away**

Bruce was on one of those long trips overseas to visit Damian's grandfather, Ra's al Ghul. Jason was out causing havoc, Tim was trying to get his Titans together, so that left Dick and Damian alone together. Dick was reading over some old reports when he heard tiny feet come towards him. Little arms wrapped around his waist and Dick looked down to see Damian force his head into Dick's stomach.

"Miss him?"

"Yep." The nine year old croaked.

"Alright, come here." Dick hoisted Damian onto his lap and opened up one of the files. "This is the Penguin." He tapped a picture and Damian gave a undignified snort, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"That's a stupid name." Dick chuckled.

"You should've met Calendar Man."

**Number 40: Remembrance**

Even after ten years, the mere thought or mention of the "Flying Graysons" still brings him to tears.

* * *

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and put this on their Faves, hope you guys enjoyed this one!


	3. Chapter 3

It Sucks Being the Eldest, Yet Again

**Number 41: Sick Day**

Dick and Jason shared a room together and slept in a bunk bed with Dick on the bottom, he didn't mind too much because Jason had the tendency to roll off the bed; it was rather amusing but at the same time it reminded Dick that Jason's vocabulary consisted of swear words and things he'd never say. It was seven o'clock and Dick was going to have to drop Jason off at school by nine, might as well wake him up now. As the older Robin made a move to get out of the bed, his brother coughed and choked before a rain of orange-yellow slime rained down on the floor in front of their bed. Dick sighed and climbed out the back way, stepping around Jason's insides and throwing the door open.

"Jason isn't going to school today, Alfred. Can you get Tim up?"

"He's already at school, Master Grayson." Dick rolled his eyes and walked back into his room, Jason was leaning dangerously over the side of the bed and drops of saliva and sweat fell from his face. Dick scaled the foot of Jason's bed and hefted the slightly taller male into his arms, warning him not to puke all over him.

What Dick would do next is strip Jason down and get him into a bath tub of warm water, check his temperature, clean and clothe him, then put him up in Bruce's room with a bowl of chicken soup.

**Number 42: It Wasn't Me**

"Well is certainly wasn't Alfred. Come on guys, who did it?" Dick gestured furiously at his neon pink hair and purple lipstick along with his nails that were painted lime green with black dots. Jason was trying to hold in his laughter and failing; Tim was stunned stupid; and Damian was just shaking his head. Dick narrowed his eyes at Jason and snuck into a stance, roaring and throwing himself forward. Meanwhile, all eyes were on Barbara as she slipped out the back door, pink hair dye, purple lipstick, along with green and black nail polish in hand.

**Number 43: Even Angels Fall**

Dick hadn't made it to his room in time and he sure as Hell couldn't move if he wanted too.

Jason was dead. Murdered. Blow up. Gone.

Dick hadn't felt this kind of pain in years, where his heart was being ripped apart by guilt and overwhelming sorrow. Dick curled into himself, wrapped his arms around his knees and drew them close to his chest, rocking back and forth with the intent to hold onto his sobs until someone came and found him in this great empty space, the old mansion devoid of any laughter. Jason made everyone laugh at one point or another, now that same mirth would be gone forever.

He couldn't make it to the phone to call Babs and he couldn't call out for Alfred. He was alone. Alone in his grief, alone to wallow in it.

"Jay…Jay…I'm sorry…I'm sorry."

**Number 44: Brothers**

Dick had been chasing him for five hours, dodging gunfire and avoiding the searchlights. He just had to make a spectacle of himself, had to anger too many damn people in the same damn place. Dick didn't care who they were or why they were _also_ chasing Red Hood, Dick had only one thing on his mind.

"You leave me no choice, Jay!" Dick rammed his body into Jason's and wrapped a hand around Jay's knee, snapping it and causing a surprised yelp from his brother. Even injured, Jay could still pack a punch and he turned on Dick with such ferocity that the elder had no time to block the fist to his face.

"Butt out, Dick!"

"Not on your life!" Dick flew forward and pinned Jason on his back, kneeing his stomach a few times before flipping him onto his stomach and tying his wrists together.

"What the Hell are you doing!" Dick touched a pressure point on Jason's neck and lowered himself to the criminal's ear.

"Being your older brother."

**Number 45: Competition**

Blue on blue. Black on black. Clenched fists. Narrowed eyes. Brows furrowed in concentration. Lips pressed together in a tight line-

_Blink!_

"Looks like I win again."

"You cheated."

"Don't be a sore loser, Damian."

"I'll stop being a "sore loser", as you put it, when _you_ stop being such a _dick_."

**Number 46: Training**

Watching Tim and Damian train was like watching a fox and ferret fight.

Tim was a clever fighter, aiming for weak spots and nimbly dodging anything that came too close to him.

Damian was smaller but he slipped out of Tim's grip and uh…_bit_ Tim whenever the opportunity presented itself.

If you were to add Jason into the picture, it would be like fighting a giant wolf-like bear. Jason likes toying with his opponents before he overpowers them with sheer strength which is a mix of controlled rage or furious fury.

Dick never knew what the others classified him as but he considered himself a falcon of sorts. A great bird of prey that attacked weaker links and carried them off to finish them off slowly, one-by-one.

Though, finding the weak link among his brothers always proves to be quite a challenge but then again, he likes challenges.

**Number 47: Quiet Nights**

Those don't exist.

No amount of duct tape and bring silence to the Wayne household unless Bruce himself is wielding the adhesive.

**Number 48: Babysit**

If Dick can't do it, Alfred can. And if that fails….

We're all screwed.

**Number 49: Me Time**

Dick has no time for that.

**Number 50: Age**

"Hey, you're getting pretty old, aren't you Dickie?"

"Jason, I _will_ stuff your head down the toilet."

"I think I see a few grey hairs."

"_Jason_…"

* * *

Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you guys are enjoying this. I wonder how far I can go...?


	4. Chapter 4

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Things Commonly Said Edition

**Number 51: "I'm Busy"**

It's not the answer Damian wanted but it was the answer he was expecting.

**Number 52: "Ask Jason"**

"I don't mean to insult Jason-" Dick raised ad incredulous eyebrow and Tim rolled his eyes. "Well, this time I don't but…If I were to ask him this question, it might give him a heart attack. Bruce refuses to speak to me about it anyway."

"So, what did you ask?"

"Are you and Babs getting married or what?"

**Number 53: "Don't You Dare"**

Dick knew something was wrong from the moment he walked in the door, it was too quiet and it smelled like pancakes. But these weren't Alfred's pancakes because the butler never _burned_ his pancakes, Dick tip-toed into the kitchen and peeked over the island as he watched Jason fumble with a frying pan.

"Are you…making breakfast?" Jason swore and jumped two feet in the air.

"Jesus, Dick. Don't do that." Nightwing rolled his eyes and chuckled at his younger brother as Jason turned off the stove and rinsed the pan off in the sink, his eyes trailing to the bowl of batter. He looked at Dick with a mischievous glint in his emerald eyes, Dick's "spidey senses" were started to tingle. Jason picked up the bowl and started walking towards Dick.

"Jason. Don't. You. _Dare_."

_SPLAT! _

Jason doubled over with laughter and Dick felt a stream of creamy goop slide down his cheek and land with a wet _plip _on the floor. There was maybe three seconds of silence before Dick grabbed a spatula from the counter and proceeded to attack Jason.

**Number 54: "I'm Going to Kill You"**

And Dick was. Tim had no right to walk around the house donning a red wig and heels along with a flowery dress all while he imitated Barbara's voice. Dick had come within two inches of Tim's face before he realized who he was going to kiss, it didn't help that Bruce wouldn't quit laughing at him.

**Number 55: "You'll understand When You're Older"**

"Hey Dick?" the first Robin turned around in his seat and watched Damian hoist himself into a chair and stare expectantly at Dick with wide, curious eyes.

"What's up, Damian?"

"I have a question about Father."

"Shoot." Damian looked around the kitchen then leaned forward on his elbows, asking in a hushed whisper.

"Why doesn't he kill the criminals?"

Dick was about to answer when he saw Bruce walk into the living and fall into the couch with a heavy sigh, combing his fingers through his hair and shaking his head. Dick smiled sadly and ruffled Damian's hair just because he knew it bothered the ten year old so much.

"You understand when you're older."

**Number 56: "May I…"**

Jason was sitting on the toilet seat and frowning as Dick came around with the first aid kit, opening it up and rummaging inside for a few things.

"So, what did you do this time?" Dick asked conversationally.

"Nothing. _They_ started it." Jason growled, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing indignantly.

"OK. What did _they_ do?" Jason shrugged and Dick got out a cloth and poured some rubbing alcohol into the rag, quietly dabbing the cut on Jason's head. With a hiss, Jason dug his fingers into his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"I don't know, they were…throwing their lives away." Dick paused and Jason turned a shade of pink.

"So, you fought with them to…?"

"To put some sense in their heads. Dick, my _mom_ is dead because of drugs, there were so many times when I could've met the same fate, too many times now that I think of it. Kids these days…don't know what they're getting themselves into." Dick nodded and grabbed a roll of bandages, carefully wrapping them around Jason's head.

"May I say something?"

"Go right ahead." Dick leaned in and kissed Jason's forehead.

"You're a good person, Jay. Those kids are lucky to have you."

**Number 57: "Get Back Here" **(Credit goes to my boyfriend for this one)

Bruce was given the affectionate title of "Father Bats" by Jason some years ago and if anything, Dick has been given the name "Mother Hen" in the same breath. There is no woman in the Wayne Household because Barbara couldn't handle a house full of boys and Dick feels so bad if he forgets any of them.

Tim was searching for a present to give to his girlfriend, Stephanie Brown, and had to take Damian with him because Jason was off saving druggies. Did Damian want to come? No, not really but the kid needed some air and sunlight or else he'd _really_ be a mini version of Bruce.

Tim was inside _Claire's _at the moment and Dick was busying himself in a large bag of Nacho Cheese flavoured popcorn when he realized something rather important.

Damian was missing.

"Mother Hen" felt the sweat forming under his pores long before it dripped down his face, he vaguely remembered telling Tim he needed to go somewhere then raced around the mall. Bruce was going to kill him, possible _maim_ him, for losing his literal flesh and blood. Dick knew what the man could do with duct tape and didn't want to imagine a crowbar or a gun…or something.

He had been searching for an hour when something barrelled into his legs, slapping them and sobbing.

"You _idiot_, you actually _forgot me_." Even as the kid was crying, Damian still managed to convey his anger and disbelief.

"Oh, man. Damian, I am _so_ sorry."

"Just wait till Father hears about _this_." Damian took off to find Tim (the only brother who had brought his phone along), and Dick was right after him.

"Get back here!"

**Number 58: "Shut Up!"**

Dick did not want to remain in the house long, Alfred was moving slower than usual and Bruce had locked himself in his room. He'd had already cried himself to sleep for two months now but he still had time to protect the city he and Jason both loved. Gotham still needed him but it needed the Batman more.

Dick picked the lock (a skill he learned from his younger brother), and ducked out of the path of a lamp, listening to it smash into the wall beside his head. Nightwing crawled over to the bed, got on top of it and then dodged a wicked left hook, his back arched in a ridiculous angle as he flipped backwards.

"Bruce!" he practically yelled, seizing his father by the shoulders and shaking him. "It's me. It's Dick."

"Dick. God, it's all my fault. Dick…he was…he was counting on me…I let him down…how could I…"

"Shut up!" Dick drew back and punched Bruce in the face. "Shut up! You aren't the only one who's hurting!"

**Number 59: "That's What She Said"**

Tim and Jason were sitting on the couch eating ice cream while they took part in the famous "that's what she said" joke.

"Coming for me?" Tim asked with a straight face.

"That's what she said." Jason snickered and pushed the spoon into his mouth.

"Fuck me."

"That's what she said."

"That's not the first time I shot in a guy's face before." (Thank Marik Ishtar for that one.)

"That's what she said."

Dick looked up from his computer and watched Jason lick up some ice cream his cone but some still dripped onto his jeans. He got up from his seat and tapped Jason's head, pointing at Jason's crotch.

"You're dripping." Tim blushed and laughed.

"That's what she said!"

**Number 60: "You Mad Bro?"**

Dick stared vacantly at his motorcycle, running a hand along its seat and trying to ignore it's new paint job, pink with orange flowers; Jason leaned over his shoulder and chuckled in his ear.

"You mad bro?"

**Number 61: "You Mad Bro?" **

Bruce came home to find Damian giggling, Tim passed out from lack of oxygen _due_ to his laughing fit, and Alfred was smiling but his teeth were chattering too much, Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"Do I even want to know?" Someone yelled from the second floor and Dick came whipping down the stairs and bumped into Bruce, laughing and running over to the kids to cover their eyes. Jason tripped down the last five steps and growled furiously at Dick, one hand holding up the towel around his waist and the other was pointing to his…neon pink hair. Dick bit his lips and tears spilled down his cheeks as Jason's face got redder and redder.

"You mad bro?"

**Number 62: "Goodnight"**

Jason was safely tucked away in his bed, big black teddy bear clutched tightly in his arms, he bowed over the teen's bed and kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight, Jay."

"G'night, Dick."

The blue-eyed youth left Jason's room and crept into Tim's, the kid was lying flat on his stomach with a green T-Rex trapped in the back of his pants; Dick rolled his eyes and carefully pulled the stuffie out, covering Tim up and kissing the back of his neck.

"Goodnight, Tim."

Stepping back outside and watching Bruce leave Damian's room, Dick took a deep and confident breath, Damian was six years old and considered dangerous by Bruce's standards. He had only been in the manor for two weeks and made fast enemies with Dick's other two brother. He crouched by the door and slowly opened it, crawling inside as quietly as he could. Damian was asleep in a round four poster bed with black sheets up to his chin. The first Robin pulled back the curtains surrounding the child's bed and leaned over, kissing Damian's forehead.

"And goodnight to you too, little buddy." Damian's icy blue eyes snapped open and Dick held his breath.

"Goodnight to you too, Grayson."

**Number 63: "I'm Sorry"**

Dick and Damian sat on the couch inches apart as Bruce stared at him with a serious expression on his face.

"Damian," Bruce addressed first. "Say you're sorry."

"He's the one who insisted on being "friendly'"

"So you stabbed him? Is that how assassins reciprocate love?" Jason quipped from his bowl of cereal, Damian raised an eyebrow and Dick groaned.

"I didn't realize a _cretin_ such as you would know such a…_long_ word." Jason's face lit up like Christmas tree and he made a move to get up when Tim pulled him back and down and shook his head, whispering that it wasn't worth it to attack the boy. Dick fiddled with the bandage around his arm and sighed, getting up from the couch and rolling his shoulders.

"It's fine, he doesn't have to say it." Damian's mouth fell open and Dick smiled at him, winking and turning to head out of the living room.

"Dick, he could've killed you."

"How many times have you tried to kill me when I suggest you take a nap? It's fine, Bruce, really."

Dick patted the older man's shoulder and walked towards the front door, Babs was waiting for him in the car.

"Hold on." Damian called softly, Dick paused and turned around, another charming smile tugging on his lips. Damian got up and walked to Dick, looking so small and fragile as he bowed at the waist. He rose and gave Jason his best glare.

"While assassins raised me to kill with no emotion, they also taught me respect. I'm sorry, Grayson."

**Number 64: "I Promise"**

Plenty of Bat children have said this line but only a few have managed to keep them.

**Number 65: "You Never Have Time For Me"**

Contrary to popular belief, Dick _does_ have time for everyone. But whenever he wants to use that time, no one wants to be with him.

**Number 66: "Five More Minutes" **(Thank you again, Erebus.)

"Jason, no matter how much you want those five minutes, I can't give them to you."

"Then get out and come back when you can."

Dick shut his eyes and muttered something under his breath, uncovering Jason's feet and grabbing him by the ankles, yanking him out of the covers and onto the floor.

"Now, I've give _you_ five more minutes to get off the floor before I strip you down."

Jason snapped his head back to stare at Dick and his face reddened like a ripe cherry.

"Alright, alright. I'm up, I'm up. Now get out!"

**Number 67: "You've Got Five Seconds" **(Erebus, I pity you.)

Dick did not know where Damian had found these new friends of his and to be honest, he didn't care. Damian had suggested they play "Joan of Arc" and volunteered Dick to be Joan, Dick had no complaints until Damian and his friends started tying the teenager with any manner of rope they could find. Yarn, a few of Jason's belts, rope, extension cords, bungee cords, duct tape…you name it. Damian had cranked the T.V to its highest level and sent Alfred to find an ostrich egg for lunch (hoping the butler couldn't find one), and Jason was passed out in his room.

As the troupe of ten year olds tied the last of the ropes around Dick, it became apparent that the story of Joan ended with the woman being burned to death.

"Damian…don't do this." Damian rolled his eyes and pulled a piece of duct tape off and spread it across Dick's mouth. The five kids carried Dick, still tied to a chair, into the backyard where Damian ran inside for matches. Dick squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, cursing himself and begging that God forgive his little brother's awkward tendencies, when he heard something move above him. Dick looked up to find Jason looking out his window, yawning and stretching his arms above his head. Dick stared wide-eyed at Jason who raised a incredulous eyebrow before smirking. He threw himself out the window and grabbed onto a tree branch, swinging around it several times before jumping and landing firmly on the ground.

"Not exactly like you but it'll do, right?" he turned to the kids with a rueful smile.

"Get moving kiddies before I get mad." He kind of roared and the kids ran into the house and out the front door. When Damian came back he found Jason and Dick standing arm in arm with ropes and duct tape between them.

"You've got five seconds."

**Number 68: "Don't Go"**

Dick sat alone in the Bat Cave running his hands over his body and getting used to the feel of the new suit, the proud bat on his chest. Damian was looking reluctant, fiddling with the ends of the yellow cape and staring sideways at Tim as he pulled the black mask over his head, becoming Red Robin.

"I don't like this." He said bluntly, Tim snorted and walked over to the Batmobile, leaning against it with a smile.

"We don't have a choice here, he started this war and we have to finish it. I'll see you out there, Dick."

Red Robin jumped on his bike and rode away, Dick pulled the cowl over his own face and started towards the car, Damian wrapped his arms around the new Batman's waist.

"Don't go…_Please_ don't go." Dick turned around and cupped the boy's face.

"I have too, we both have too. Stay close to me."

**Number 69: What the F***? **

The Bat children stared at the screen with bored, unimpressed looks on their faces as they addressed one concerning issue.

"Guys," Dick began.

"We're not gay," Jason said.

"And we _certainly_," Tim cringed.

"Do not harbour feelings for each other. Seriously, what the fuck?"

**Number 70: "I love you"**

No sooner had Dick said those words did Jason kiss his lips, did Tim jump into his arms, did Damian hug him and never let go.

* * *

Hehe, this one is a favourite of mine at this point :) Thanks again to my boyfriend, codename Erebus for his suggestions and stories. Thanks for all the reviews too and Faves!


	5. Chapter 5

It Sucks Being the Eldest Once Again

**Number 71: Sick Day**

Dick doesn't like getting sick because it gives everyone the excuse to drive him into bed and pamper him but on some days, it feels…nice. Like today, Dick made the mistake of falling asleep on top of the police department building while lying against the Bat Signal. OK, so Scarecrow had proven to be a real pain in the ass this time and now Dick wouldn't stop having nightmares about his family's murder, the details suddenly so sharp against his eyelids that when he closed his eyes he could still see the redness of their blood. Jason, being the saint that he is, picked Dick up and carried him home, asking Alfred to run a hot bath and that everyone was to keep quiet. Jason cleaned Dick up and got him into his night clothes as Alfred and Tim prepared warm soup, Damian and Bruce fluffed his pillows and the younger Wayne even slept with Dick that night just so his older brother could revel in the tiny arms around him before he went to sleep.

**Number 72: Going It Alone**

The first few nights of being Nightwing had not been the kindest, he had somehow attracted the Joker _and_ Bane before getting into one of the biggest fights of his life. Thankfully, a great black shadow swooped down and nailed Bane in the back of the head before sending a flying fist into Joker's gut. The front of Dick new costume was ripped open and his chest was bleeding thanks to the Joker's apparent love of shattered glass. Bruce didn't take Dick's crap and proceeded to carry Dick over his shoulder like a potato sack and sent him straight to Alfred for stitches, not only for his suit but his injury as well.

**Number 73: Tension**

He hadn't slept in two days. Two _long_ and _excruciating_ days filled up to the brim with the Joker's laughter and Tim's screams. It's a miracle both are alive, Jason had come within minutes of beheading the clown before Bruce shoved him out of the way and knocked the Prince of Crime out for a hour. Tim was doing fine, mental scars and a few bruises but that wasn't anything the family couldn't fix, Jason came back from the dead damaged and he hasn't blown anyone up yet so…wait, yes he has.

But Tim will be fine. Dick just has to recover from the shock of it all. Dick refused to leave the teen's side, he sat in the corner of the room and switched from watching the night sky to the door. The nurses didn't mind him staying there but they were worried all the same. The door opened at about one in the morning and Dick looked up as Barbara wheeled into the room, kissing Tim's cheek before she pulled up beside Dick.

"Hey Babs," he greeted hoarsely. "Shouldn't you be at home?"

"Shouldn't _you_ be in bed?"

"Point taken." Dick slid off his seat and sat in front of Babs, leaning his head on her knees and shutting his eyes, letting out a slow breath. Barbara placed her hands on Dick's shoulders and rubbed them, Dick groaned and became jelly under her touch.

"Relax, Dick. He'll be fine."

"I know…Oh, that feels nice."

"I know."

**Number 74: Taming the Beast**

It could be said that out of all the Bat children, Jason was the most violent. Damian the most deadly, and Tim the genius. Well, they're wrong.

Dick _is_ violent. A few kids were bullying Damian and Dick came over and broken at least one bone in each of the boy's bodies.

He is deadly, give him a pack of knives and he'll hit the heart, head, and jugular of any person in seven seconds.

He's a genius. Who else could get a hug for Damian without sustaining injury?

**Number 75: Fangirls**

Dick's are crazy.

_I kissed a girl but I like Dick~_

**Number 76: Stalkers**

Dick's scared of his…and Damian's.

**Number 77: Robin Costume**

Screw pants, he had better leg room without them.

**Number 78: Terry**

Dick doesn't make visits to Gotham as much as he used too, there's not a whole lot here and Bruce has his suit. Dick could make another one but he knows how much pain he was in when the Joker got Tim, Hell, Dick was in pain. A lot of it, Jason had died a few years ago in a train wreck thanks to Ra's al Ghul trying to "right" his previous wrong, Dick couldn't imagine what his brother would've done if he had been alive that day. Though, he Dick wanted to make something happy out of it all, Jason might've been pissed that Tim had been the one to kill the Joker.

The subject of his visit is to meet the new Batman as himself, the ever loveable Dick Grayson.

It wasn't very hard to meet Batman in Gotham, Dick had been walking down a familiar alleyway when four guys leapt out from the shadows with guns in hand, Dick rolled his eyes, he heard them following him ten blocks ago. He ducked under the initial gunfire then ran forward and kicked a gun away then another and another and another. Terry came after Dick had tied the criminals up and the former superhero grinned at the surprised look on rookies face.

"Nice work, citizen." Terry said, regaining his composure and making Dick chuckle.

"You should've seen me when I was younger and there were twenty guys instead of four." Dick ran a hand through his hair and patted Terry's shoulder, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes.

"There's five more behind us, care to join me?" Terry smiled and the two of them ran forward, Terry threw a fist and Dick jumped off a man's chest and threw three knives, piercing a bullet proof vest.

"They've got armour!" Dick shouted and he heard Bruce's deep baritone speaking to Terry through a wire, the man snorted and bum rushed his target, stripped the vest off and throwing jabs into the punk's abdomen. Terry threw another thug over his head and Dick was quick to get the vest off, attacking the man's pressure points and rendering his arms useless for the next three hours.

Five minutes later and Batman delivered the nine juveniles over to Commissioner Gordon, she took one look at Dick and gasped.

"Dick? Is that you?" Terry whipped around and Bruce probably wet himself, Dick bowed and smirked ruefully like Jason would, Barbara recognized the gesture and shooed her guys away. The three of them walked into a building and climbed onto the roof, Barbara threw her arms around her friend and kissed his cheeks feverishly.

"I thought you said you wouldn't come back."

"I wasn't planning too but news of this new Batman got me curious. It's good to see you out of that wheelchair, Babs." The woman blushed and played with the ends of her short white hair, how Dick managed to look so young was beyond her. He looked like a younger version of Bruce before he hung up the cowl and cape, his eyes were still bright and his hair was still a shade of midnight with a few grey streaks. He looked like one of those men who aged with grace, still holding onto their previous charm and beauty, not that Barbara would allow herself to say that out loud.

Terry on the other hand was feeling more and more awkward, Bruce had let out a colourful swear and the seventeen year old could've sworn that the older man fell out of his chair at the mere mention of Dick's name. Even now as Barbara drove them in her car to the mansion, there was this tension, Dick was rubbing his hands together and staring out the window, Terry had heard Bruce get up from his seat and Barbara seemed a lot more carefree. As the gates opened up and the trio headed inside, Dick felt his heart climb up his throat. Nothing had changed, if he squinted hard enough, he could still see Tim sliding down the banister and colliding into Jason.

Bruce came from the living room and gave Dick a hard look as if judging him and Dick shrugged his shoulders and smiled softly, Terry felt that they were apologizing to each other.

"Have you been to see Tim yet?" Dick nodded.

"Yep, stayed over at his house for the past week."

"Why didn't you call?"

"I didn't think you wanted me around." Bruce's stone-cold façade cracked and regret found its way onto his face, he grimaced and hold out a hand.

"You're always welcome here, Dick."

_Hours Later_

Barbara was going to keep Dick at her place until he was ready to leave again, Bruce had released to him the Nightwing costume and now he sat in the Bat Cave with Terry. Bruce leaned back in his seat and sighed deeply, scratching Ace's head as he stared at the Robin costume, he looked at Terry with a thoughtful look on his face.

"I suppose you _were_ a good idea."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

**Number 79: Brotherly Love**

Babs had taken Damian and Tim out for dinner that night and Bruce was out hunting the Joker as usual, Alfred was waiting patiently in the Bat Cave because Dick and Jason asked not to be disturbed. They were watching Nosferatu with Dick sitting in between Jason's legs holding a bowl of popcorn, Jason was occupied with a can of beer and his other hands was curling around strands of Dick's long black hair.

"When was this movie made anyway?" Jason asked irritated, tossing the can behind him and listening to it fall into the sink. Dick shut his eyes and cocked his head to one side.

"I'm thinking the 1920's, why?"

"Just curious." Dick angled his head to stare at Jason curiously, the brawnier teen shrugged his shoulders and waved his hand at the screen.

"It's just, for its age, a really good movie. Nothing like that Dusk crap."

"You mean Twilight?"

"Whatever." Dick chuckled and leaned back against Jason's chest, putting the bowl beside him and pulling a blanket over them both. Dick wasn't really watching the movie to be honest, he was quite content in sharing Jason's warmth and relaxing knowing that Damian was not going to pop up from behind him and stab him or something. Jason was just glad that Tim wasn't around to cuddle with him, he liked Tim a lot but he liked Dick a little better. If asked who his favourite person was, Jason would answer Dick first and Damian last.

The screen flashed black and Jason, in a slightly German accent read out:

"It will cost you sweat and tears, and perhaps…a little blood."

Dick chuckled and reached a hand up to ruffle Jason's hair.

"Nice job there, Ivan."

"That's a Russian name."

"Oh…"

"Dork."

"Love you too, Jay."

**Number 80: Detention**

"How did _you_ of all people get detention, Tim?"

"I corrected the teacher."

"Smartass."

"Dick."

"Stop using that one!"

* * *

I didn't want you guys to wait for the next one so I posted it ahead of time. Enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

It Sucks Being the Eldest Continuation 

**Number 81: Heartache**

Dick didn't leave Tim's side after the funeral was over and Stephanie's coffin was lowered into the earth, Tim had tried to remain as stoic as possible but ended up falling to his knees and sobbing. Dick couldn't blame him; Stephanie was too reckless, much like Jason except that she wouldn't be coming back from the dead. It was probably the only moment where Tim had ever hated Jason more than he hated himself.

**Number 82: Obsessions**

Bruce? The Joker.

Dick? His hair, Jason, Tim, and Damian.

Jason? His motorcycle and Dick.

Tim? His genius and how it can't fail. Jason or Dick.

Damian? His father and Dick.

**Number 83: Forbidden**

Its best you reframe from speaking about the Joker unless you enjoy getting shot multiple times thanks to Jason.

Jason: That's what she said!

Bastard…

**Number 84: Fangirls**

Jason's fangirls are usually zombies.

**Number 85: Lack of Privacy**

Damian was the first Bat child who got his own room off the bat, no pun intended.

Dick had to share with Jason until the rebel turned eighteen, which was around the time when Dick found out he actually had a floor underneath all of Jason's clothes.

Bruce put Jason and Tim together but that proved to be pitting fire and ice against each other; Jason liked tossing his stuff anywhere and Tim felt like everything had its proper place. You see the problem.

When Dick and Tim shared a room together it was doing well until Tim became a teenager and demanded his own room, Dick could count all the stars in the sky but still not come _close_ to all the times Tim kicked him out of his own room.

**Number 86: Characterization **

Dick was the pretty boy of the family with long, lithe limbs and long black hair; his eyes were blue and bright like a cloudless sky and everything he said made people smile.

Jason was a little short and had broad shoulders, the motorcycle jackets and torn jeans gave him this rugged, bad boy appearance, His eyes were jaded emeralds and every word from his mouth was like an invitation to sex.

Tim was the genius and secret admirer of both his brothers. He grew to be tall and lean but was a smartass and tended to jibe his enemies into attacking him just like Jason did. His hair was long than Jason's and his eyes were bluer, he always maintained this aura of youthful intelligence which made him a pain in the ass to deal with.

Damian was an enigma at ten, short hair like his father, icy blue eyes and lips pressed into thin smiles that say "you're not worth my time". Years of training gave him muscle mass at a young age, he was a trap. Drawing you in with cuteness and then stabbing you in the back when you least expect it.

**Number 87: Messing with Big Brother**

Jason liked being a fool. It made Dick pay more attention to him and less to anyone else. His older brother and Babs had taken him to a park and now Barbara was curled up beside the former Robin, was Jason jealous? Definitely. Was he going to get revenge? You better believe it.

Jason was playing on the monkey bars when he "accidently" slipped and fell with a curse, Dick rushed over an apologized for his little brother's foul language before kneeling down beside the little angel.

"You alright, Jay?" Jason picked up a bunch of rocks and poured them down the front of Dick's shirt.

"Much better, Dickie."

**Number 88: Questions That Shouldn't be Asked**

Damian wandered to Dick's side and tugged on his shirt, Dick looked over and smiled.

"What's up, D?"

"Dick…What does "yaoi" mean?"

_Thud!_

"Dick? Are you alright…? Dick?"

**Number 89: Kiss My Ass**

Dick and Jason were tied back-to-back as Black Mask paced around them, Jason was chuckling under his breath and Dick prayed for a little more restraint on his part. He had been chasing Jason around Gotham again and played right into Black Mask's hands, stupid trap doors. Jason had managed to enrage the crime boss and Dick didn't want to know what he did this time, he had a list of previous transgressions and he didn't want to add to it. Didn't Jason know the definition of "subtle" or at least understand why Dick would tell him "don't get into any more trouble."

It came to Dick's attention that Black Mask had screamed something in his face; Dick sighed and looked up at him.

"Stopping yelling at me and I might be inclined to listen to you." The room went silent and Jason shook his head. Black Mask yelled something else at Dick and once more, the bird shook his head.

"You know what? I don't care what you said, you can kiss my ass. I've had enough." Dick pulled free of the ropes binding his wrists and kicked a foot upwards into Black Mask's throat, standing up and swinging his fist into the man's jaw, effectively knocking him out. He cut Jason free and started walking towards the door, ignoring the stares he got as he passed by.

"It's been a long night, I'm tired, and I actually feel like killing someone. But, the Commissioner is here now so you don't have to worry…_much_. If I see any of your faces again, pray to God that I at least make your suffering as painless as possible."

The ride back to Wayne Manor had been quiet too, Jason had pulled off his helmet and Dick noticed how all the colour had drained from the younger man's face.

"Remind me never to get you in a bad mood."

**Number 90: Cancer**

Dick watched Jason take another drag of his cigarette and then past it to Tim, "Mother Hen" leapt into action and took the fag, throwing out the window and jerking a finger at the two of them.

"Those give you cancer!"

"Come one, Dick, it was just the one." Tim argued but Dick shook his head and poked the teen's nose.

"One will turn into a pack a day, idiot."

"Loosen up, Dick, you smoke too."

"That was _before_ my aunt died of lung cancer." Jason and Tim looked down with guilty looks on their faces and Dick instructed them never to smoke again or else he'd be very upset…that and he'd tell Bruce. Once the three boys left Jason's room, Alfred stopped the eldest before he went downstairs.

"I'm sorry, Master Grayson." Dick smirked.

"I was lying."

"But-"

"I don't know if I have any family but as long as I'm here, this one isn't going to smoke itself to death. Don't tell them, I want them to feel guilty every time they even _think_ of smoking."

"That's very clever."

"Well, I guess I just love them too much, right?"

* * *

**Chaseha-Wing-** I assume you were talking about how Jason died in the train wreck during **Number 78: Terry, **well I don't ever remember the Batman Beyond series mentioning Jason so I just made that up.

Thanks for all the reviews, its made this story my second most reviewed story, it'll take a while for it to beat my G. I Joe one though~

Hope you enjoyed this!


	7. Chapter 7

It Sucks Being the Eldest: End 

**Number 91: Sleep Over**

"Dick, how come Bruce won't let me sleep over at Stephanie's place?"

"I think he assumes you'll do something foolish."

"I wasn't asking _you_, Damian." The younger boy rolled his eyes and punched Tim's shoulder, Dick on the other hand was nodding his head thoughtfully.

"Well, you are _that_ age."

"What age? I don't get it." Jason snorted and poked Tim in the forehead.

"Pubescent. With all those hormones running rampant inside you, Stephanie wouldn't stand a chance." Tim's face when from snow white to crimson in two seconds and Jason's cheek was suddenly more purple than a plum.

**Number 92: Not My Idea of Fun**

Damian was ten years old and one of the youngest Robin's ever to be at Batman's side, regrettably, the young sidekick wasn't the only one who noticed this.

Catwoman liked to pinch his cheeks…A lot.

Huntress would give him this sexy smirk and say "hey there, baby."

Batgirl would just giggle.

Batwoman planted kisses all over his cheeks.

Poison Ivy was three inches from stealing Damian mouth in a kiss.

His mother just liked to squeeze the life out of him.

Damian would like to make one things clear: He is not a teddy bear that you can hug. He is a vicious killing machine and you _all_ are dead for portraying him as…dare he say it, "cute".

**Number 93: Questions That Shouldn't be Asked**

Damian wandered into the kitchen and lifted himself onto a seat beside Barbara as he finished breakfast, he tapped her arm gently and the redhead looked at him.

"Need something, sweetie?" she took a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah. Um…what does "yuri" mean?" the coffee came shooting out of her mouth and straight into Bruce's face.

**Number 94: Crushing**

Nightwing and Red Hood walked into the room with relative ease, meandering through seas of faces to get to the far window, Red hated these gatherings because the other heroes viewed him as a traitor despite the fact that he had done a decent job of taking care of Gotham. Superman and his stupid moral compass however, thought Jason shouldn't be a part of the League but a few words from Batman set him straight.

The second Robin pulled off his helmet and he pushed it under his arm, grabbing a class (hopefully filled with alcohol), and took a large sip. He frowned and ran his tongue over his lips, passing the drink to Nightwing.

"Cranberry juice, what are we, children?"

"Trust me Jay, you don't want to see Flash drunk…or Green Arrow…or Booster Gold…You know what? No one looks great when they're drunk."

"Does it look like I care? I need whiskey or something and a damn cigarette. Oh wait, I'm _banned_ from those."

"I'm not allowing you to get cancer, I refuse to lose you." Red rolled his eyes and watched Batman pulled Flash away from Starfire, whispering something in his ear that made Flash squirm uncomfortably.

"You don't need to guilt trip me Dickie, I get-" Jay's eyes left his brother and followed a certain blond heroine as she wrapped an arm around Green Arrow. Dick sighed.

"They're getting married, you know."

"What?"

"Black Canary and Green Arrow. Wanna go say "congratulations"?" Red Hood turned around, took the glass and poured it over Nightwing's head.

"You suck."

**Number 95: Team I Don't Give a Fuck**

You don't ask the Bat children if they are on "Team Jacob" or "Team Edward" because that will be the day when Jason and Damian can finally work together in relative peace….Because killed fangirls is a peaceful job.

…That goes for "Team Peeta" and "Team Gale".

Jason will make penis jokes.

**Number 96: Saint Jason**

Although Jason doesn't appreciate the title, everyone knows it's true. Who else goes about Gotham to get druggies off the street and into hospitals?

**Number 97: Oh What a Wonderful Feeling**

…When Damian kicks Dick in the, well, dick.

**Number 98: Little Terror**

"Tim, I don't know what's more amusing. The fact that you were fighting a six year old or the fact that the six year old _won_." Jason walked past Dick and kneeled beside Tim and rolled up his sleeve.

"Just because he likes you doesn't mean he likes us, dick. That and he _bites_."

**Number 99: Bullies**

Dick doesn't have to worry because Jason is too intimidating to bully, Tim is smart enough to not piss anyone off, and Damian's just too cute.

Damian: Call me "cute" one more time, I dare you.

Cute.

**Number 100: Damian**

Dick: I'd like to apologize for anything my little brother does or says, he means well-

Jason: Sometimes.

Dick: Shut up, Jay. Anyway, don't worry. He still has a long way to go-

Jason: And plenty of more people to put in the hospital.

Dick: _Jay_.

Jason: OK, OK. I'm quiet. Pretend I'm not even here.

Dick: Right. Despite his…violent nature, he'll make an exceptional Robin. Now I have to go, Alfred is taking Hex to the hospital.

Jason: She shouldn't have called him "cute".

Dick:…You were standing right next to her.

Jason: …

Dick: This is why you'll never get a girlfriend and have kids.

Jason: Ouch. What was that for?"

Dick: (Glare) Dick.

Jason: You are such a princess.

Dick: Shut up.


	8. Chapter 8

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition

**Number 101: Watching**

Jason doesn't like going home mostly because everyone is asleep by then but there is always something he manages to savour before heading off again.

On most occasions, it's watching Damian curl up against Dick's side and falling asleep with his legs wrapping around Dick's thigh. A lot of the times, Jason doesn't know if he should feign happiness or if he should just be jealous.

Because a long time ago, Jason loved sleeping with Dick.

**Number 102: Playing Nice**

Jason can't do that very well without hurting someone.

**Number 103: Mornings**

Jason is the last to get up in the morning because he stays up all night saving prostitutes and stopping some punk kid from OD-ing. Dick is usually sent to wake him up and on most cases, Dick employs the help of a bucket of water, a feather, Damian, or the scent of freshly made pancakes.

Regrettably, it's not one of those mornings because Tim was in sent in.

Long story short, Tim's arm is broken and Jason is grounded for a month.

**Number 104: Patrol**

It's never a good thing when Bruce decides to take Jason on patrol because Jason has the tendency to attack or kill the suspect he's chasing. No one questions the decision however, when Bruce mentions the Joker.

**Number 105: Lack of Sanity, Lack of Love**

Jason…has always felt that he wasn't enough. His father left him, his mother was too busy getting high to pay attention to him and Bruce was more concerned with upholding his morals than avenging Jason's death. I mean, he understands that no one can replace Dick but…would it kill the Bat to at least _acknowledge_ the pain he's been going through? To be ripped from Death's grasp and forced back into his body, waking up in confining bandages in the midst of the Lazarus Pit, jumping out a window and nearly falling to his death. Leaving on the streets and working on finding a way to plan out his revenge, gather the right group of people, causing enough panic, killing ass and taking names. It makes sense. People have to die. He has to see the blood and understand how it all works, how villains work, in order to catch the old man's attention.

He needs it, the thrill of being chased and studied, the smell of gunpowder and musk. The feel of a bike between his thighs, the tight leather across his shoulders, the stunned look on Bruce's face.

He wants that bloody ending, he wants to see how far he can push Bruce to take one life. Just one.

**Number 106: Replacement. **

It was bad enough when Tim came along and now this? This little shit of a kid who apparently is a legitimate Bat child? He barely comes to Jason's knee and he's being hailed as an assassin? Please.

All Bruce is doing is further fueling Jason's rage.

**Number 107: Lazy**

"Jason, I can't move."

"That's the point."

Sigh. "Do you have to do this now?"

"Yes, I do. Now shut up, pillows don't talk."

It's funny because Jason is eighteen and he still likes curling up beside Dick, arms secured around his brother's chest and head buried in his neck.

"Jason, let go."

"…No."

**Number 108: Stalking**

Jason can't remember how he got roped into babysitting Tim Drake nor does he understand why the two of them are perched on a roof top watching the source of Tim's desire, a certain blond named Stephanie Brown.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just, oh I don't know, talk to her?"

"It's not that simple. Girls are…different."

"No shit Sherlock, did your study of the human psyche tell you that?"

Tim elbowed Jason's stomach and peered through his binoculars as Stephanie stepped inside a coffee shop. Jason sighed deeply and leaned back, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket and wondering if he could push Tim off the roof and still get away with it.

"You're creepy." Tim paused and slowly turned around to stare at Jason, one brow arching incredulously.

"Excuse me?"

"You are _stalking_ this girl."

"It's not stalking, it's observing. There's a difference."

"Right, just like how rapists and pedophiles are completely different too, right?" Tim threw the binoculars at Jason's chest and stood up abruptly, throwing his hands in the air and storming off towards the stairs. Jason smiled: Mission accomplished.

**Number 109: Cats**

Jason hates cats for two reason.

One: Being Catwoman and her odd cat-like puns, "purrfect".

Two: Cats bite and scratch just like Damian thus, he doesn't like Damian either.

**Number 110: Teasing**

"So…when are you telling him?" Bruce looked up from his paper and gave Jason a look.

"When am I telling who what?"

"When are you telling Superman of you incredible infatuation with his tights, blue eyes, and that ridiculous black curl of his?"

* * *

Now we'll get to see what Jason thinks about being the second eldest Batchild and how he deals with everyone else.

Hope you enjoyed!


	9. Chapter 9

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 2

**Number 111: Bad Mood**

Red thought today would be nice, that people would just get off his back and allow him to smoke and drink until the cows came home but his persist older brother, a certain dick-faced Golden Boy Robin, just had to point out that Bruce ordered him home hours ago. Why wasn't he going home? Simple. It was result of a boy by the name of Damian Wayne, the cute little bugger.

Red heard a cuss word behind his back and sighed, scratching the side of his head with his Beretta 96, he knew he has missed one thug. He turned around and levelled the firearm in front of him, placed a hand over his eyes and fired; satisfied with the wet _splat! _that seemed to echo off the walls.

_Now_ he was ready to go home.

**Number 112: Name Calling**

If Jason knew karma was such a bitch, perhaps he wouldn't have provoked Dick so many times in their past because now, he just felt stupid.

"Jason, you look like a red condom."

**Number 113: Women**

Are scarce in Wayne Manor because Bruce can't keep a girlfriend longer than six months or they die some horrible death.

Dick has Babs and even she can't handle the stress.

Tim keeps Stephanie all to himself.

Damian doesn't get girls.

Alfred…actually, no one knows about Alfred's love life…or any other part of his life.

**Number 114: Damsel in Distress**

"I am not."

"Face it, Dickie Bird, you've got enough DiD's to beat Princess Peach."

"I _do not_."

"Fine. Then Tim takes the cake of being most helpless."

"I am _not_ helpless."

"Compared to Baby B over there, you're that princess locked in a great tower guarded by a dragon, pink dress and all."

"I'm going to have to agree with Todd on this one."

"Stay out of this, Damian."

**Number 115: Hugs**

Everyone Jason cares about has, at one time or another, given him a hug.

Well, all except Bruce.

**Number 116: Needles**

Jason couldn't stand the sight of them. He wasn't worried about the blood or the pain but that instrument of fear provoked such harsh memories of his mother writhing on the floor scratching at her arm and picking off skin, screaming for Jason to come and get the spiders off her. Jason couldn't see them, his eyes were focused on the blisters and dirty syringe, smoke rising from tin foil.

If you "chase the dragon" far enough, you'll be done the rabbit hole faster than you can say "heroin addict".

**Number 117: Angel **(See _Scream and Freedom _if you don't understand.)

It was the first thing that came out of his mouth when he saw her, the power little things sitting on the side of the road clutching her arm, crying and wheezing and begging for another hit. She had dyed her hair black and her eyes were so blue and so bright that Jason nearly lost all the breath in his body. She was just so tiny, so young and vulnerable and she reminded him too much of his mother.

She said her name was Corpse, rather crude as Jason would point out, so he called her Angel but he wasn't sure what to call her now.

For one, he never knew Scarecrow was an artist, the snow leopard carved into her stomach still fascinates him along with the tiny paw prints and go under and over her breasts. Dried blood is caked onto her clothing and there's a decent sized hole in her chest where the bomb was placed. If he had found her before Bruce, he might not have had the strength to pull it out himself. He had been sitting with her for a while after she had fallen asleep, after the doctors had found some sort of chemical in her bloodstream, figures that the Scarecrow wouldn't leave her untouched because moments after she had closed her eyes, she started screaming. Nightmares. Scarecrow had injected one of his fear serums into her and now that she was safe and sound, it finally decided to kick in. He had to hold her down, her screams and pleas reached his ears but he couldn't let her do something stupid to hurt anyone or herself. He watched the doctors strap her down and get her on morphine and a sedative and he swore to himself that he'd never tell her what had happened. He didn't want to scare her.

After that ordeal was over and Bruce had finally left them alone, Jason crawled into bed with her, shifting her tiny frame between his legs and he rocked her to sleep, humming a lullaby Dick reserved just for him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Emily. You're safe…You're safe."

**Number 118: Rules**

Jason is not allowed to stay up past ten

Jason is not allowed in the kitchen

Jason is not allowed to use knives, you know why, you rascal

Jason should not answer the door when there are Mormons

Jason shouldn't open the door, period

Jason should not phone Superman to give Bruce a "good time"

Jason should not hang Tim on a tree by his underwear

Jason is banned from street fights

Jason shall not injure suspects or break their collar bones

Jason should not punch, kick, bite, scratch, or burn anyone

Jason is not allowed to pick Bruce's dates

No prostitutes in the manor

Jason should not kick Dick in the…well, dick

Jason isn't allowed to play with his guns

Jason will not use the dog for target practice regardless if the dog's name _is_ Target

**Number 119: Screw the Rules…**

"…I'm Jason Todd, the fucking Red Hood, bitch!"

"Jason, you're not black."

**Number 120: Don't Feed Jason…**

Sugar, coffee, or ice cream…Or mixture of all three before a patrol. It proves to be more frightening than Batman in a bad mood, trust me.

**Bonus! Headache**

"Jason, get down here!"

"What?" the rebellious teenage peered over the staircase and stared at Dick as he gestured for his brother to come down. Jason rolled his eyes and jogged down the stairs, spinning around Damian as the boy chased after Target and Ace, Bruce's frightfully large Great Dane's. Tim was sitting beside Bruce with a expression that read "why this?". Jason raised an eyebrow and Dick smiled, locking an arm around Jason's neck and rubbing his fist into the former redhead's scalp.

"A present from Chaseha-Wing."

"Who the Hell is that?"

"Beats me but this suddenly appeared at our door adressed to you."

Dick released Jason and the green-eyed youth walked over to the package and poked it, he felt a distinct plate-shaped object and Jason immediately thought of a castle of plates just like the one he and Dick built when they were fifteen and nineteen respectfully, Tim had crashed into the castle and Alfred had to go out to replace about a hundred dishes along with bandages. Jason's arms were scared, Dick has a wicked gash across his face, and poor Tim was bleeding from the face, shoulders, back, and legs; Bruce thought the trio had killed someone.

Jason shrugged his shoulders and ripped the wrapping paper a part, a loug groan came from Bruce and then Jason shouted in glee-

"A drum set! Yes!" Jason turned around and gave Dick a high five. "Get your guitar, Dickie, it's time to rock!"

Tim pulled out a pair of earplugs, stuffed them into his ears, then passed a set to Bruce, Damian was safely locked in his room with the dogs as the pair began singing, Ace and Target started to whimper and Damian growled.

"Brillant idea."

* * *

**Chaseha-Wing: **Hehe, sorry, this was the first thing that came to mind when you asked if Jason could have an instrument and I hope it was okay, I feature it again next time.

If you guys have suggestions, please feel free to leave them in the reviews, I want to go all the way to Damian's point of view adn possible Alfred's and Bruce's.

Hope you enjoyed!


	10. Chapter 10

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Part 3

**Number 121: Rainy Days **(Thanks Chaseha-Wing)

Jason likes it when it rains; heaven's tears try their damnedest to wash away the grime and crime of the city of Gotham. The downside is that he never is allowed outside because he usually gets sick and Dick is always saddled with his recovery which isn't so bad given the fact that Dick is a brilliant nurse maid, all he's missing is a cute white dress that cuts him just fine….That'll be the day.

So Jason takes refuge in a pair of headphones or a good computer game however, when the Internet is down or going slow, Jason cannot keep his cool.

_Bam!_

"Bruce, Jason shot his computer…_again_."

**Number 122: Anger Management**

Jason been known to have a rather unpleasant habit of killing, shooting, or burning things if he's in a very foul mood but with the addition of a drum set in the basement, a section cut off from the Bat Cave and the rest of the house, Jason is allowed to hit anything; he can scream all he want and not get judged. His voice does end up raw and hot tears are usually spilling down his cheeks and he has probably crashed into the wall a few times but that doesn't matter.

He doesn't want to hurt someone he loves in a fit of rage, especially when that rage is directed at someone else.

**Number 123: Holding On**

Dick and Damian have this sort of bond that no one can properly understand.

Like Dick and Bruce.

Dick and Jason.

Alfred and Bruce.

Tim has always been jealous of these bonds; he's the awkward child; a genius and hard worker. Well, Dick and Jason are hard workers in their own right but Tim is a real hard worker, trying to get the best marks and stay on everyone's good list all while trying to sass everyone.

"You're awfully quiet." Tim blinked and tore his eyes away from his shoes to look up at Jason, the older boy had taken off the ridiculous helmet which translates into Tim yanking it off and throwing across the roof. It was raining and Tim had a bullet stuck in his thigh; Jason was in the midst of pulling off his gloves.

"Have nothing to say," Jason pushed Tim onto his side and dug his fingers into the fabric of Tim's pants.

"Well, ain't that a shame," Jason smirked and tore a hole, pulling out a knife and making Tim squirm. "Is this going to be a problem?"

Tim wasn't terribly fond of the idea of Jason playing rooftop surgeon considering all the little fights he had gotten into with Damian. A pair of piercing green eyes distracted Tim and he blushed, Jason smirked and tucked his mask into a jean pocket, pulling out some rope and binding Tim's wrists in front of him, he offered another strip for Tim to bite. The third Robin nodded weakly and bit down on the rope, shutting his eyes and whimpering as Jason slowly cut into the hole; one hand on the blade, the other on Tim's back. Jason sighed and put the knife on the ground, digging his index and thumb into the wound, Tim moaned and turned his head into the gravel, feeling the water dripping in between his eyes.

"Aha!" Tim opened his eyes as Jason dangled the bullet in front of his face with a goofy grin saying "see, I know what I'm doing". Red Hood cut the ropes away and then ripped off a strip from Tim's cape, tying it around the hole and pulling Tim to his chest.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

"It's cold and I'd hate for you to catch the flu or something. Gotta stay together for warmth, right?"

"Don't get any ideas."

"Please, you're a minor. I wouldn't dare or Bruce would kill me." Tim blushed and elbowed Jason.

"Are saying that I'm too young for you?"

"No…You're just too innocent."

**Number 124: Favourite Pastime**

Teasing Dick about his Superman pyjamas.

**Number 125: Second Favourite Pastime**

Teasing Bruce about his secret love affair with Superman.

Bruce: There _is_ no secret love affair.

Jason: Tell that to the Fanfiction and fan art.

Bruce: He loves Lois Lane, Jason.

Jason: You can love more than one person though.

Bruce:…

**Number 126: Love You**

Jason wasn't sure if he should cry or not, laugh at the scene or perhaps feel a little grateful that someone took the time to do something so nice for him. It was a grave for his mother, a grave for Catherine Todd. It had no special message because Bruce didn't know what Jason would've wanted because it was meant to be a surprise but it's not like Jason knew what to say. His mother never knew he was around half the time and even when she wasn't high or passed out on the couch, she complained and whined incoherent threats then drifted off into some dream she had. Dick and Tim were on patrol and Damian was hovering near the door, a hand on Ace's head as Target stood at Jason's side.

It was at this time that Jason decided he needed to say something to Bruce but he couldn't figure out the right thing to say.

"How did you find their bodies?" Bruce gave a sad smile and shrugged.

"I have my ways however, I couldn't find your father." Jason's eyes seemed to darken and he clenched his fists.

"I don't care, it's not like my old man was ever around."

Jason never knew his father's name because the ass was always getting arrested and jailed for petty crime, the only thing Jason knew was that he looked like his father with the exception of his eyes. Jason was a natural redhead though his dyed his hair to look like Robin; after being resurrected, a patch of his bangs had turned white.

It was also at this time that Jason felt his legs give way and he felt his head collide with the tombstone, he didn't realize that he crying until Bruce put a hand on his shoulder.

"Was this a bad idea?" Jason shook his head, laughing a bit and looking up at Bruce.

"No, I was just imagining how I'd feel if you were down there instead of her."

**Number 127: Cuddle Monkey**

Jason's private name for Tim when the boy curls up against him and then falls asleep with his arms wrapped around Jason's waist.

**Number 128: Birthday Present**

Damian looked incredibly sceptical when Jason presented him with a shoe book wrapped in duct tape with holes everywhere. However, when the youngest Bat child opened the book he was greet with a grey and black kitten with big blue eyes. The friendship was commemorated with the cat scratching Damian across the face and then turning to hiss at Jason. Damian didn't seem to mind and hugged the cat to his chest, flushing a bit as he thanked Jason, the older boy smirked.

"Just keep it away from me and my room and we're good."

**Number 129: Oddity **

It's not commonly known but Jason can actually fall asleep anywhere at any given time which is why Dick gets worried every time he catches Jason nodding off at the wheel or sleeping with half his body on the floor while the other half is on the bed cast in odd angles.

**Number 130: Best. Comeback. Ever.**

"I didn't hit Tim, I just high-fived his face.

* * *

Thanks to Chasehe-Wing for the suggestion and I hope I got enough Jason/Tim, there will be more. Sorry for the late-ish update, I've been busy with some personal issues as iof late.

Hope you enjoyed!


	11. Chapter 11

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 4

**Number 131: Broken Bones**

Jace knew how stupid he had been but it didn't dull the pain anymore than what he was already doing which was hissing behind clenched teeth and swearing in all the languages he knew.

His leg was broken in three different places, he couldn't move an inch without wincing in pain, and Bruce was fighting Bane all by himself. Jason wasn't too concerned about his partner though, Bruce was used to taking out Bane, the all to obvious weak point (a series of tubes that fed into his brain), was causally ripped out and Bane was no more. Batman walked over to his Robin after the deed was done and frowned, lifting the boy into his arms as if he weighed no more than a feather.

"It could've been worse," Bruce said quietly.

"Oh? How so?"

"He could've broken your face."

**Number 132: Omniscient**

Jason's word to describe Alfred.

**Number 133: Silverware**

Jason is the prankster of the family, April Fool's Day is practically Doomsday; the only consolation is when he tries to switch the sugar with salt, Alfred always seems to "accidently" throw forks or knives into the wall beside Jason's head.

**Number 134: "Old Man"**

Alfred raised a dubious eyebrow and pulled the silver platter out from under his arm, brandishing it high before swinging it into Jason's face.

"Pardon me, Master Jason, my hand slipped. You were saying?"

"…Never mind."

"Of course, sir."

**Number 135: Aftermath **(for CataclysmicIrony)

Jason walked into the living room and fell into the couch, a hand massaging his nose and sticking Kleenex up his nostrils to stop the flow of blood, he heard someone chuckle beside him and looked up to find Bruce sitting there with the same predicament, the older man offered a smile and leaned back.

"What'd d'you do?" Jason asked nonchalantly, raising as eyebrow as Bruce snorted.

"Forgot to separate my clothes into piles. You?"

"Called him "old"."

"Ah." Bruce nodded his head understandably and the two of them sank into a comfortable silence until Bruce tapped Jason's shoulder, pointing to the butler as he moved towards the broom closet.

"Watch this." Alfred opened the door and hundreds of variously sized, incredibly _bouncy_ balls toppled out and knocked the elderly man into the wall.

"That took me thirty minutes." Bruce stated proudly albeit a little smugly.

"You've got a lot of time on your hands then."

"Certainly enough to put some water balloons inside as well."

"Master Bruce!"

**Number 136: First Meeting**

"So what happened when you met Alfred?" Tim asked eagerly, Dick had just recalled how he barrelled into the butler's legs with a cheeky grin on his face as the two of them fell back into the pavement; Dick was always so enthusiastic. Jason shrugged and flicked Tim's nose.

"Thing is, Alfred and me relive our first meeting almost on a daily basis. It went along the lines of "hey old man-"

_Whack!_

"Jesus, Alfred, that _hurt_!"

"So sorry, my hand slipped."

"Bullshit! You did that on pur-"

_WHACK!_

"-pose."

Dick leaned over and whispered in Tim's ear that Alfred didn't take too well to being called "old" or being sworn at; Jason did both upon his first glimpse of Alfred and the butler has continually hit Jason for his rudeness; the only difference is that back then, Alfred had a frying pan.

**Number 137: Brothers **(for Chaseha-Wing)

When Jason and Dick first met, they refused to be in the same room together; Dick felt he was being replaced and Jason thought Dick was an arrogant prick or stuck-up pretty boy. Yet as the years went by, both realized how similar they were to each other; only children, orphans, and desperately seeking Bruce's love and affection.

When Jason met Tim, there was instant hatred; now Jason was the one being replaced! Tim became Robin at 10, three years younger than Jason and Dick had been. Jason felt Tim was too young and innocent to be running around Gotham and witnessing sin after sin, so for the first year Jason did everything he could to discourage Tim from becoming the third Robin. In doing so, it only made Time more determined and all the more likable, showing off his wit, will, and pure genius.

And then there was Damian, a true Bat child. Six years old and a trained assassin, Jason wasn't sure if he should feel pity or threatened. There was also the fact that Damian was attached to Dick like Mary's little lamb, following him around and sometimes, if you were really lucky, he'd copy the older boy. Bruce spent enormous amounts of time with the little tyke, taught him and schooled him, displayed open affection towards his child. Jason was jealous. He felt betrayed and left out, why didn't he have a little someone that followed him around? Why couldn't Bruce have done that with him? It explains why he shot Damian, he just didn't expect Tim to tackle him and demand he return home, or that Damian would be fine, Dick was worried sick about him, and Bruce wanted his family back.

**Number 138: Cookies**

Dick bakes them.

Damian steals them.

Tim eats them.

Jason _devours_ them.

**Number 139: Sibling Rivalry **

That's what Jason likes to call it.

Tim calls It flat out abuse because he doesn't believe getting hung by his underwear and left outside in the rain "sibling rivalry".

**Number 140: Smokes**

Jason tapes them under his bed but Dick always finds them and throws them out, leaving a small note behind.

Pick a new hiding space, Jay.-Dick.

* * *

I think Alfred channeled his inner Sebastian, bonus to anyone who can figure out who Sebastian is.

Hope you all enjoyed!


	12. Chapter 12

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 5

**Number 141: Lying**

Bruce said he'd come for Jason.

He lied.

**Number 142: On His Shoulders**

Therein lies guilt, anger, rage, unconditional love, fragility, strength, courage, sorrow, anxiety, laughter, stubbornness, gruffness, and abandonment.

**Number 143: Father**

Jason can't remember his father very well, occasionally remembering the few words of wisdom he ever shared. Jason couldn't remember his father's name but remembered the blackness of his hair or the gunmetal grey of his eyes, the awkward scar that cut over his lips and down his chin from some street fight. There were a few things that Jason's father said to him though none of which had the same effect as this:

"It's no use going out into the world and trying to school yourself, you gotta be like me, hard and untouchable. You got that, boy?"

**Number 144: ** **Kiss my Eyes**

He couldn't move, breathing was harboured and speaking proved too difficult; perhaps the harlequin was right in saying that he had punctured a lung. He could feel the blood bubbling up in his throat and dripping down the sides of his mouth, bones were cracked and broken, he feel bruises forming beneath his skin.

_So, this is it? Damn…_

Jason leaned against the door, eyes peering wearily at the bomb a few feet in front of him. Something told him that Bruce wouldn't make it but his brain-no-his heart was hoping his was wrong. He didn't picture his final moments to be bound in a warehouse, synchronized ticking counting down his remaining seconds. Jason wasn't going to start a family either but he…he didn't want to die _alone_.

Tears were trickling down his cheeks and his arms were just too tired to brush them away or hide them from the shadows as they stretched out and mocked him. This was too painful, to hard to withstand; why didn't Joker just end his life? Why couldn't he have tossed Jason's body into the snow and laugh at Batman for failing to save his little bird? Why couldn't it have been quick? Why couldn't he have been granted a fighting chance?

He started sobbing, hanging his head and letting his shoulders shake, mixing his sorrows with his pains and imagining the heat that would soon flood the room.

_This is what I brought you, this you can keep_

_This is what I brought _

_You may forget me_

_I promise to depart, just promise one thing_

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

**Number 145: Internet meme's**

Jason was sitting beside Tim and watching the youth play Skyrim with a bored expression on his face; the older boy personally preferred first-person shooters, in fact, Metal Gear or Gears of War or Call of Duty were looking much better than this crap. With an exasperated sigh, Jason fell back into the couch and draped an arm over his eyes, trying to fall asleep. Footsteps entered the living room and someone sighed.

"I was quite the gamer in my day until I took an arrow to the knee." Jason sat up and Tim's mouth fell open as Alfred walked away with a secret smile on his face.

**Number 146: Mother**

Jason was on the floor as his mother continually beat him with a broom, her jade eyes were clouded over with spider webs and she was screaming profanity at the top of her lungs. Jason didn't say a word because he knew it would only provoke her more, he curled up in a tight ball with a hand clamped over his mouth as Catherine grabbed a poker from the fire, she stabbed the boy's thigh and Jason screamed. The metal instrument fell to the ground with a heavy _clang! _and Catherine dropped to her knees, pulling Jason into her arms and stroking his hair.

"Oh love, I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry."

"I know, Mama. I know." The six year old choked, grabbing fist full's of his mother's blue dress and sobbing into her chest, trying to ignore how bloody and scabbed her arms were.

**Number 147: Embrace**

Stephanie Brown was dead, the fourth Robin was dead, the only female "Boy Wonder" was no longer among the living. Tim was heartbroken. He couldn't understand, couldn't fathom the truth of the tombstone or the coffin, it made no sense in the slightest. Jason was leaning against the house, keeping his distance as Dick and Damian moved inside. Bruce had locked himself in the Bat Cave, most likely retiring the female Robin costume to another of those glass cases.

Tim was oblivious to the world around him, the pounding rain, the mud on his boots, falling leaves in his hair. Jason recognized the vulnerability, knew what it could do to people. He ran a hair through his hair and walked towards the teen, shrugging off his leather jacket and letting it fall on Tim's shoulder, it took a few moments for Tim to identify Jason's scent, a few seconds after that he turned around and put his head in the center of Jason's chest.

The second Robin forgot how tall the Third was getting, he watched the younger's shoulders shakes for a minute before he wrapped his arms around Tim and put his head over the teen's. Tim shuddered and moved his hands up Jason's back to clasp the fabric between his shoulder blades.

"Don't leave me, Jay. _Please_." Jason stiffened and narrowed his eyes, drops of rain falling from his eyes and sliding over his nose.

"As long as you want me, I'm here."

"Forever then, stay here forever."

"Alright, Timmy. Your wish is my command."

**Number 148: Be My Robin**

It was too crude and terrifying but then again, most criminals were dead scared of Batman but this? This was too much. The metallic armour, the sharp blades from his elbows, the glowing red eyes, the _guns_. As darkness fell from his shoulders in a great wave of black, Tim felt his blood chill when those crimson irises were turned on him.

"What do yah say, Drake. Be my Robin."

It got real quiet, Jason extended his hand and Tim took a hesitant step back as if fearing to get hit. Todd's Batman cocked his head sideways and Tim could picture the sick grin find its way onto his face.

"Come on, Timmy. It'll be fun. Dick with have Damian and I'll have you."

"I-I don't think this is a good idea, Jason. I mean, Dick's doing a decent job-" Jason shot another thug in the head, right between the eyes without looking at him. He took long strides towards Tim and wrapped a hand around the eighteen year olds neck, throwing him into the air and punching him right in the gut. As Tim fell forward, eyes wide in surprise, Jason dropped his elbow into Tim's neck, paralysing him.

The third Robin was vaguely aware of a hand being wrapped around his ankle and then being dragged across the floor, Jason's laughter ringing in his ear like a funeral knell.

**Number 149: Drowning in a Bottle**

Jason wasn't sure what seemed like a better idea, a bottle of whiskey or vodka.

If Jason wanted to get drunk fast, the vodka would be an easy trip to a hangover.

If he wanted to take things slowly however, whiskey would be a better idea. Someone grabbed both bottles before he could choose. Bruce took the vodka and took a swig, Dick grabbed the whiskey and poured himself two glasses.

"What's with you two?"

"Parenting," Bruce said flatly, taking another drink and rocking backwards. Jason looked at Dick and the man smiled rather gaily.

"I just proposed to Babs." Bruce spit out his drink and stared at Dick with his mouth hanging open.

"What she say?" Dick's grin got even wider.

"_Yes_."

**Number 150: Costume**

"So…are you looking for a date or something?"

"What are you talking about, Grayson?"

"Well, it's just that…you look like a giant condom so I thought that….you know…"

"…"

"Forget I said anything."


	13. Chapter 13

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 6

**Number 151: Sickness**

Jason is the child most likely to get sick because he doesn't believe in jackets, umbrellas, earmuffs, mittens, boots or toques; he is also the source of everyone else's illness.

Dick will catch it from Jason where they sleep together **(Jason: I'm not gay, I just like sharing body warmth.)**

Damian with get it from Dick when he sleeps with his brother. **(Damian: I like to cuddle, sue me.)**

Tim will get it from the milk carton after Jason drinks from it; both boys are too lazy to get a glass.

Bruce usually gets sick when all four of his sons insist on staying in his room as it thunders outside, they're not scared but like to pretend to be.

All I can say is, poor Alfred.

**Number 152: A Common Sorrow**

Jason had a crappy day, you can tell by the glare in his eyes and the bruise on his jaw; Dick had been sitting on the couch nursing his broken ankle (Joker pushed him down the stairs in some warehouse), when Jason plopped down beside him, laying his head on Dick's lap.

"Rough day?" Dick asked carefully.

"It was rougher for Conner, I broke his nose."

"Isn't that impossible."

"I stole the Kryptonite from the Bat Cave and stuck it onto a baseball bat." Jason passed the green stone in Dick's hand and the elder boy sighed, trying to figure out what he's tell Bruce later on.

"Tim isn't going to be happy with you." The first Robin said.

"He can go fuck himself for all I care…or ask Conner to do it for him."

"Jason!"

"Sorry."

Jason turned over and pushed his face into Dick's stomach, ignoring Tim and Conner who just walked in the door; Dick waved them away and started running his fingers through the eighteen year olds hair.

"Why would you do that? You realize I'm going to have to tell Bruce about this."

"I just don't like him." Jason muttered stubbornly.

"Because…?" Jason sighed loudly and rolled onto his back, glaring up at Dick with an expression only he would understand.

"You're jealous," Dick leaned over and kissed Jason's forehead. "You could tell Tim how you feel-"

"I shouldn't have to!" Jason sat up and crossed his arms over his chest, silently fuming in anger. Dick rolled his eyes and lifted his foot onto the couch, carefully nudging Jason with a tired smile.

"You know he misses Steph, Conner understands the pain of loneliness because Superman barely acknowledges him or tries to help him sort out his powers. You need to find a moment where you felt the same, a moment of weakness; that's what big brothers are for, you know? Understand stuff."

Jason huffed and turned around, looking off to the side and shaking his head, Dick grinned, he had won Jason over. The younger boy stuck out his tongue and got up from the couch to retrieve his jacket, telling Dick he had to run and get something.

_Later That Day_

Tim sat on his bed rifling though picture and dragging his sleeve over his eyes every few minutes, there was a quiet knock on his door and Tim looked up to see Jason standing in the doorway with a funny look on his face.

"What'd you want?" Tim asked, his voice hoarse and husky.

"Wanted to show you something." Without asking permission, Jason walked inside and sat on Tim's bed, pushing the pictures of Stephanie aside. He dropped and old picture frame on the bed spread and Tim gasped.

"Is that you?" Jason chuckled, fingering the boy with light red hair in the picture thoughtfully.

"Yep, feel free to kick me on "Kick a Ginger Day" though I can't guarantee your safety if you try it." Tim smiled and stared closer at the photo, frowning and pointing at a spot on Jason's face.

"What happened here?"

"Mum slugged me during one of her highs, if you look close enough, you can see scratch marks on Dad's face," Jason took a breath. "This is the only picture of us together, think I was five or something."

Jason wiped the dust away from his parents faces, frowning at his father's face in particular and clenching a fist.

"I don't know what happened to my dad but Mum…she was dead for three days before I found her, covered in maggots with a dozen needles in her arm."

"Where were you?"

"Stealing, winning street fights; anything for cash." Jason felt his throat tighten and he took a deep breath to steady himself, his eyes were pretty blurry. "I didn't have enough money to bury her, Bruce somehow found her."

"So that's her grave in the cemetery, beside Bruce's parents?" Jason nodded. Tim stared at the picture again, studying the father's face, void of emotion aside from that empty smile. Catherin looked jaded, her smile was rotting and her eyes were glassy, her long red hair was bound in a braid that slid over a shoulder and dangled between her legs, Jason sat on her lap. He had dark green eyes reflecting both happiness and sadness, his hair was straight and tied up with a black ribbon, his right cheek was swollen and purple.

"Do you think about them?" Tim asked after a while, holding the picture in his hands and staring up at Jason.

"I used to."

"Why'd you stop?" Jason leaned over and kissed Tim's cheek.

"Because I have you guys."

**Number 153: Finisher**

Tim starts the battles, Damian instigates the foes, Dick dazzles his enemies, and Jason just shoots people.

**Number 154: Trick or Treat**

"Sorry about this but I let Alfred go for the night."

"It's no problem Bruce, I've never gone trick-or-treating before."

"Well, you didn't miss much."

Bruce pointed the steps of his mansion and Clark feigned surprise when he found a little Superman ("Is that Dick?" Yes, yes it is", and a little Batman ("Jason?" "Yep"), came running towards him. Bruce nudged Clark's arm and the four of them set off for the night. Little did Clark know that kids would go to great lengths to get their candy, Dick had scaled a two-story house and Jason broke windows.

**Number 155: Oh, what a Feeling**

When Jason creeps into the bathroom and flushes the toilet, sending cold water into Dick's shower.

**Number 156: Home Coming**

When Jason came home after years on the street as the Red Hood, Target was the first to greet him even though Jason had shoot off the dog's tail when he was nine.

**Number 157:Complete Idiot**

That's what Jason says after Dick does one of his flippy things and lands awkwardly on his feet, nearly breaking them every single time.

**Number 158: Bloody Noses**

Not from dry nostrils or hot chicks but from street fights, school fights…any fight really.

**Number 159: Girlfriend**

"For the last time! I'm dating a motorcycle!" (Thank you Yusei Fado.)

**Number 160: Typical Dinner at Wayne Manor**

"Come on now, Master Jason, finish your vegetables."

"This is ridiculous." Jason moved his asparagus around his plate with his fork, all while frowning profusely.

"Jas, you're not a kid anymore so I (or Alfred for that matter), shouldn't need to tell you to eat your vegetables."

"_Exactly_, Bruce. For God's sake, I am sixteen years old! You can't decide-"

"I'M BATMAN!" Jason paused and gave Bruce a confused look.

"What? What does that have to do with anything?"

Bruce had leaned so far forward and he might've been able to slap Jason across the face and steal his mashed potatoes in the same breath; Alfred bowed near Jason's ear with a sigh.

"It means he's in charge, Master Jason."

"Oh, well fuck that!"

"Jason!"

_Whack!_

"OK, Ok, I'm sorry, Jesus."

* * *

I'm glad so many of you enjoyed the last chapter, I was feeling incredibly emotional and that just kinda...happened.

In response to **Forever's sun**, I intend to get Jason all the way to Number 200, then Tim to 300, and Damian to 400. I might go back to doing Dick if I don't run out of ideas.

Thanks so much for all your reviews, this is my second reviewed story next to my G. I Joe one, so thanks a lot!

Almost forgot, **Number 160 **is based off a comic I found on deviantART, well I borrowed the dialogue.

Anyways, thanks again!


	14. Chapter 14

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 7

**Number 161: Wanting**

He doesn't want the apology. He doesn't want to go home. He wants one thing, and one thing only.

"Just...come 'ere." Bruce took a hesitant step forward as Jason rested his head on his father's chest, shoulders shaking and shaky breaths escaping his lips. Bruce felt a pang of pain in his heart but wrapped his arms around his son and quietly kissed the rebel's head.

"I love you Jason...Always have, always will. It's alright to cry."

"Good cuz I don't plan on stopping for a while."

**Number 162: Magic Trick**

Tim was perched on the railing as he watched Red Hood put bullet after senseless bullet into the heads of Joker's hired help, a bunch of drugged up thugs with no sense of balance or sanity. He suddenly turned around, Jason did, and pulled out a small knife, dangling it in front of his face before he grabbed one of the men.

"Wanna see a magic trick, bird brain?" Tim didn't answer and Jason didn't care. He put the dagger on its hilt, waiting for it to stop wobbling before he spread his arms wide.

"Now you see it!" He slammed the thug's head on the knife. "Now you don't!"

**Number 163: Theft**

The one thing Jason and his father had in common.

**Number 164: Lost Count**

Jason probably holds the most record of broken bones...and they aren't even his.

**Number 165: Animals**

Jason was waiting on his Harley, combing his fingers through his hair and anxious looking from side to side. There was this girl he knew, sweet thing really, that Bats had saved from the Scarecrow. The bastard had doped her up on some sort of fear serum and she wouldn't stop screaming for a a whole night. She and her older brother were attending the local art institute in Gotham and Jason thought it'd be cool if he casually showed up and offered her a ride home. Mikes was an easy guy to like and he trusted Jason because he had gotten him off drugs three months before his sister stopped taking them.

Her name was Emily. Not Corpse anymore but beautiful and clean Emily.

The scars from her torture hadn't quite faded yet and her hair was still washed out black but her eyes were an amazing shade of blue, almost like Dick's but brighter. He saw descending the stairs and revved his monster to life, zipping up the stairs and throwning an arm around her waist. Mikes just shook his head and contiuned his way home, Emily was laughing and holding onto Jason with one arm, the other clutched a folder of songs that she had to learn by Monday of next week.

_No, we're never gonna quit  
Ain't nothing wrong with it  
Just acting like we're animals  
No, no matter where we go  
'Cause everybody knows  
We're just a couple of animals_

So come on baby, get in  
Get in, just get in  
Check out the trouble we're in

"How much trouble are we in?" Emily asked breathless, hurriedly brushing hair behind her ears.

"Judging by the frown on Brucie's face, I'd say a lot. Hang on Angel, I can't remember what it's like to drive slow."

**Number 166: Unexpected**

Tim hadn't known Jason very long and even so, Jason came off as an incredible jerk who cared about no one but himself. Dick didn't seem to agree as he led Tim into the kitchen, the smell of eggs and bacon permeated the room and Alfred was nowhere to be seen. Tim felt his mouth drop open when he looked at the stove and found Jason of all people _cooking_.

He was dressed in Bruce's fluffy pink apron that read "_Kiss the Cook" _and one of those funny chef hats was awkwardly hanging off the side of his head. Dick closed Tim's mouth and pushed him into a seat.

"Now, don't insult him or else you won't get fed."

"What if he poisoned the food?" A egg went flying through the air and landed on the third Robin's head, Jason turned around with a smirk and shrugged sheepishly.

"Whoops, guess my aim was a little off there. So sorry, Timmy."

"Oh shut up."

"...I will throw this bacon at you."

**Number 167: Tables**

Jason has walked into many of them, why does Bruce insist in having tables low to the ground?

**Number 168: Never Again**

"I put the "STD" in "stud", now all I need is "u"?" The slap to the face came quicker to Jason's face then the Joker on a sugar high. Dick stifled his laughter long enough until the woman walked away then leaned on Jason for support.

"That was priceless!"

"You said it would work."

"It did!"

"_Dick_!" Jason growled his brother's name savagely, swinging around to punch him in the face, Dick dodged and flipped backwards three times. Jason shook a fist in Dick's direction and stalked off to the train station.

"Next you want to be my wing man, remind me to kill you. I'd have better luck with Damien!"

"Of course, he's cute and you're-"

"Just stop stopping before I do something _really_ stupid."

"Too late."

Jason took a deep breathe and rolled his shoulders, turning around slowly and cracking his knuckles.

"It's on, Dickie Bird."

**Number 169: Bad Influence**

The only reason Damien knows how to swear is because Jason has a severly loose tongue when he's drunk.

**Number 170: Video Games are Bad**

Jason watched as Leon. S. Kennedy lost his head for the seventh time due to decapitation via chainsaw. He looked up at Bruce with a curious expression on his face.

"Why don't we have one?"

* * *

Gosh, so sorry for not updating, Life happened and I've been dealing with copious amounts of stress; mine and my friends. It's been a terrible few weeks but I thought I'd whip this up to keep you guys satisfied until I get my shit together. This'll most likely be fraught with spelling mistakes but I'm just too lazy to care right now.

Hope you enjoyed, regardless of my sour mood.


	15. Chapter 15

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 8

**Number 171: Useless**

Jason knows that tears are useless, they don't bring people back from the dead no matter how you want them to. No amount of wailing in the cemetery will dull the pain of losing a father. Nothing. So Jason ill do what he does best: Kill and forget.

**Number 172: Secrets**

Jason still hasn't told Bruce that it was Damien who crashed the Bat Mobile.

**Number 173: Beauty**

Dusk. Twilight. The final specks of daylight disappearing in sheens of pale orange and smoky blue, purple clouds convened over the fading sun and stretched out to clasp fleeting feathers dropped by squealing gulls. It was moments like this when Jason could appreciate his city despite the grime and rundown hellhole that it was, lost souls that died without someone to weep for them or care for their corpse. It was raw beauty, a ruby lost in the sand, a pearl amidst dead coral.

It would invite the night, darkness that was consumed in the flames of revenge.

**Number 174: Superhero**

Jason hated superheroes because they were so..._inhuman_.

Superman was made of steel, red fire from hsi eyes, broke bones like they were toothpicks, an alien, his weakness was a fucking _rock_.

The Martian was _green, _and he could transform into anything.

No man should run faster than a car.

No woman should be _that_ strong.

Maybe that's why he liked Batman.

The cowl could bleed, could make mistakes, be selfish, be selfless, had no superpowers, born and raised in Gotham and not in some test tube. Blacker than black, darker than death with a stick up his ass; purely human.

**Number 175: Poetry in Action**

It's scary how Jason works when you take the time to watch him, observe his tactics and cringe at the crude sound of gunfire as it floods your ears.

He plays the trigger like a violin, screaming and wailing like some mad musician spelling out lies in carefully placed rhymes.

The drumming of his feet beats the gravel like a Mohawks drum, inviting new dancers to replace the carrion.

A snap of wrist, helmet cracking skulls, beads of sweat, dots of blood, splattered paintings upon the walls as if Bloody Mary was crying.

The roar of anguish, a broken jaw, mockery in the cock of a shotgun barrel; where Jason got his hands on those weapons is another story entirely.

_"I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."_

**Number 176: Do Not Like**

Egypt for its mummies. (Because wrapping Jason in bandages and putting him into a pool which may or may not bring him back to like was such a _good idea_, thanks a lot al Ghul.)

Circus clowns.

Drugs.

Stupid people,

Stupid villain puns. (I looking at you Catwoman. You too Freeze.)

Cats.

Brussel sprouts, any green veggie really.

His Grade 10 Math teacher.

Thw word "juxtaposition" because he's never going to use it in his life. (**Jason: If anyone can figure out how to use this word, I will dress in drag and give Dick a lap dance. Dick: You're going to regret that~)**

Superman and his crazy blue tights. the ridiculous black curl too.

**Number 177: Reverse**

You knew the day was going to start on a sour note when Jason woke up swimming in his boxers. Damien was just thankful that he was covered up when his body decided to grow into that of an eighteen year old and rip his tiny underwear. Jason was now an adorable six year old and Dick could barely restrain himself from pinching his brother's cheek.

"I missed this." Dick said as he tickled Jason's sides.

"Fuck-off-Dick-before I-kill-you!" the boy threatened in between gasps. Damien merely shrugged and ran his fingers through his black hair, giving Jason a condescending look, a look Jason saw. He flipped onto Dick's shoulder and lunged at Damien, both boys went back into the couch and began wrestling, Dick sat down on the loveseat and pulled Tim with him, wishing the Third had shrunk too.

"Shouldn't we stop them?" Tim asked as Jason stuck his fingers into Damien's mouth.

"No, Jason has low stamina in this form, they'll tire each other out."

"...You sure?" Jason grabbed Damien's head and rammed it against his own.

"Yep."

"You seem very sure about this." Dick looked up at Tim with a blank expression on his face.

"You weren't stuck with a baby Batman and Superman for a month and a half."

**Number 178: Stairs**

"Fuck!"

"Jason, it might help if you open your eyes _before_ you walk down the stairs."

"It's five in the fucking morning, Bruce, I shouldn't be awake right now."

"Well, you can take out your anger on the Joker when you see him."

"He needs a life."

"Bothering us _is_ his life."

"Aside from running around Gotham in nothing but a black Batman thong and singing "Milkshake" at the top of his lungs. Where the Hell did he find that?"

Bruce shuddered. "Don't remind me."

"You do realize that he was singing to you, right?"

Batman paused as he put on his cowl to help Jason put his shirt on properly before sighing deeply.

"You know what? It _is_ too early."

"So can we stay home?" Batman adjusted Jason's cape and shook his head, starting for the Bat Mobile.

"Sorry, kiddo, we can't- Ah!"

Batman tripped over his cape and fell down the three steps that led to the car, Jason snickered.

"Bruce, it might help to do the epic cape flourish thing _before_ you fall down the stairs."

"Jason just...just get in the car."

"Do you want me to drive? You could possibly-"

"You are _not_ driving." Jason jumped into the passenger seat and shrugged, leaning his head back and smiling.

"Fine but if we do die, I'm totally killing you."

"That defeats the point of dying." Bruce slapped the back of Jason's head. "Save your confusing word problems for the Riddler, would you?"

"Sure thing, Bats."

**Number 179: Becoming Robin**

"I have one condition on this whole Robin thing." Jason said slowly and Bruce nodded.

"What is it?"

"I don't have to do the "Holy_, Batman!", do I?"

**Number 180: Joker's Milkshake**

_"My milkshake brings all the Bats to the yard,_

_and their like "you're going to Arkham"_

_Damn straight, the old Aysulm, and no way I gotta throw down_

_I can beat you in my Batman thong!_

_I know you want it,_

_the things that makes me,_

_what the thugs go crazy for._

_They lose their cool,_

_the way I rule,_

_you'd better drool._

_La la-la la la,_

_Rob a bank_

_Lala-lalala_

_The Bats is waiting_

* * *

The ending is pure crack, I was too lazy to make up more lyrics for it...And to check my spelling but someone said they didn't find any mistakes in the last one so I won't complain.

Hope you enjoyed!


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Notes: Before we get on with the show, I'd like to thank all of you guys for making this my most reviewed story and leaving reviews that totally make my day; I hadn't realized how much you people wanted to see Jason dress in drag and give Dick a lap dance...

Jason: I hate you all.

Tim: Nonsense, you look gorgeous (snicker).

Jason: Don't make me come over there, Timmy.

Hehe. That aside, I've had a rough couple of weeks and you guys keep me coming back. One last thing, one entry…_might_ offend people so I apologize in advance. Some friends were insistent that I include their prompts so, yeah. Sorry if I do offend anyone!

Enjoy!

* * *

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 8

**Number 181: Mundane Monday**

The morning begins around six in the morning when Dick calls Jason to get up, Jason ignores his older brother's calls until it's ten o'clock and he can't take the ridiculous phone messages anymore. After fifteen minutes of stretching and tired moans, Jason rolls off the bed (literally), and crawls to the bathroom to take an ice cold shower and shave and all those other things that you do in bathrooms. Once he deems himself presentable (brushed teeth and sex hair), he dig through his drawer and find anything that'll fit and that's easy to move in. Perhaps a week earlier, Tim would've been by to sort out each drawer and Jason by now would've screwed it up, socks in the pants drawer, boxers with shirts.

By eleven, Jason finally makes his way to his small but functional kitchen and then searches his fridge for anything edible. On most cases, the milk is expired and there are several eggs, a package of bacon, and a six back of beer with some leftover pizza or Chinese food. Jason can cook, not many people know this, because he practically had to take care of himself and his mother after his father left them. Dick cannot cook to save his life, what he thinks are cookies are actually burnt pieces of dough in lumpy piles. Tim…has the hang of things but he kind of…over thinks things and follows instructions meticulously which is why Jason never eats anything Tim makes; cooking is spontaneous and creative the rebel's mind. Damien doesn't need to learn how to cook but Jason already suspects that the kid will be barbequing corpses by the time he's thirteen…or making squirrel and rabbit soup with cat meat.

Breakfast is done at noon and then Jason heads into the living room to work out; one arm push-ups, sit-ups, a few flips, target practice (with knives of course, guns would be too loud), and if there's enough time, make a bomb and plant it outside of some bad guys lair. Black Mask usually gets the bombs and it pisses him off to no end which is funny when Jason can watch him from his sniper scope before killing off a thug or three.

After that is done, Jason has a quick lunch of whatever's left in the fridge and does laundry. Alfred gave him a stern talking to when the teenager had put all his clothes in the washer at once, several pairs of underwear turned pink and a black sweater had yellow splotches on it. He probably polish his helmet, the one Dick says makes him look like a condom, Jason doesn't know why he keeps the damn thing because he never wears it anymore, his teammates started teasing him about it.

Roy learned to stop teasing the helmet after Jason whipped it at him during a confrontation with Nightwing and Robin, something he's never going to forget because Jason decided to punch him in the face afterwards; Dick and Tim took that as their cue to leave.

Starfire is…certainly different, often rifling through Jason's stuff and commenting on smell and style. Jason doesn't get why girls care so much about clothes, especially Star because she's barely wearing anything; she calls it "freedom" while Jason calls it "incredibly distracting now put some damn clothes on!"

By three, he's usually out on his Harley and causing mischief; he might pick up Tim from school or go and see Emily and her brother Michael. If those aren't available options, he's bugging Bruce or hanging out with Dick or the Outlaws. The rest of the day doesn't matter, Jason might play some video games (Black Ops and Halo or Resident Evil, thank you very much), and if he's really lucky, he might be able to go to sleep at eight!

But that never happens; when the sun goes down, it's to go to work.

"This is my rifle, this is my gun; this is fighting, this is for fun."

**Number 182: "Who are you, Picasso?" (Thank you, totallyawesome1398)**

Jason loves staying at Wayne Manor because he doesn't have to lift a finger to help anyone or do any of his usual chores. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't mind work but there are just days when he likes to lie back and take in a couple of z's and enjoy life for what it is. Yet, his dreaming has been interrupted by a strange sensation that has moved over his skin like a listless finger, a teasing feather, an imp's paintbrush.

The Red Hood opens his eyes slowly, staring at the ceiling with little interest as he cracks his neck and sits up slowly, the first signs of danger alert him like a big black stop sign. Black ink printed on feet, his legs, his thighs.

"'I love dick"?" he reads aloud in a groggy voice then the realization kicks in. His hands had been resting on his knees and the say message has been written on his hands and the inside of his arms, guns are drawn on his biceps, black bullets wrap around the area between his shoulders and elbows. Jason looks in the mirror, a French moustache mocks him from its place under his nose, the curls curving around his cheeks, "I'm a cuddle monkey" is draw around his neck and on his forehead. His gut sinks, his thin white tee shows more black markings, dreading what he'll find, he takes his short off and groans.

"I love dick" and "I'm a cuddle monkey" are written in continuing circles around his nipples and govern his pecs as if their billboards to embarrassment. It gets worse; "I'm a complete and utter psycho" has been drawn down the center of his chest and connects to several other variations of the sentence, each written a little differently than the one before, his back shows off the message as well. Then Jason stares at the space under his belly button and just above the waistband of his boxers.

"I love Dick." Jason shuts his eyes and tries to recall his anger management classes that Bruce paid for in hopes that his son's issues with uncontrollable rage would be solved. Apparently, they were all in vain.

"DICK!"

The brother in question opens the door and steps inside, grinning like the Cheshire Cat as Jason launches himself at Dick and pins him against the door, grabbing the neckline of his dark blue shirt.

"_Why_?" he practically snarls, Dick shrugs.

"I could've done worse." Jason knocks him into the door.

"_Answer me, Grayson, before I end you_."

"Easy there, buddy. I'm simply exercising my right as older brother to bully you."

"I'll kill you."

"Too messy and Bruce will know it was you."

"…I am not."

"Tell that to the guy's whose head was splattered against the walls of the prison three months ago, his brain was _everywhere_."

Jason's eyebrow was twitching, his breath was forced and rough, voice husky and his knuckles were turning white.

"Is this permanent marker?"

"…"

"Is it?"

"…"

"GRAYSON!"

"Now the world can share our pain."

_CRACK!_

Later that Day

Richard Grayson: Broken nose, three cracked ribs, one bruised rib, black eye, split lip, and two broken fingers.

Jason Todd: Broken rib, right arm broken, left shoulder dislocated, right eye is swollen shut and the other is black, swollen bottom lip that is bleeding, cut above eye that is still bleeding, black felt marker.

**Number 183: Breakdown**

Jason had to take Damien on a field trip to the museum and swear not to set off a stink bomb like the last time he was there with Tim, he was not allowed to vandalize the dinosaur bones with penis drawings and he was certainly not allowed anywhere near the armoury section due to a former security losing his ear and any sanity left in him it reminded Bruce why he hated being sued for something he didn't do.

In any case, Damien dragged his brother into the Egyptology exhibit; he paused to take a picture of a mummy in an open coffin beyond a glass case. Jason stared at it for maybe two seconds before stalking out of there, escaping into a dark corridor where a few mementos of super villains had been stashed, wax figures of the Joker and Poison Ivy and every other villain along with some personal belongings were sealed behind protective glass cases. Damien was scared of the dark atmosphere like his other classmates but he was surprised when he found Jason curled up against the wall, knees bent with elbows resting on him as the rebel put his head in his hands.

"What's with you?"

"Imagine waking up like that." Jason said quietly, trembling and shaking his head. Damien rolled his eyes and crouched in front of his brother, smirking in a kind of superior fashion.

"You're such a baby." Jason lifted his head up and Damien actually flinched, those green irises lighting up with bad intentions. He grabbed Damien's arm and pulled him into his chest, holding his wrists in one hand in front of the boy's stomach as his other hand clamped over Damien's mouth. Jason leaned forward and jerked his head at the entrance to the Superhero-Super Villain exhibit; a few of Damien's friends were calling for him. Damien gave out a muffled cry for help and Jason pinned the child's legs with his own.

"Now think about this," the older boy whispered, his voice low and rhythmic. "You've been sleeping for God knows how long but suddenly, you feel water filling up your lungs…suffocating you…choking you." Damien struggled against Jason as he held him tighter, his former tremors gone.

"You wake up but you can't see, you try to speak but your lips are sealing shut. Sometimes, both your eyes and mouth are sewn shut, scary right?" Damien whimpered. "But they aren't, bandages have you. You're tied so tight that you've lost feeling in your body, you can't move and struggling hurts. Your arms are crisscrossed in front of your chest in fists, legs tied, arms bound tightly to your chest…You wiggle like some worm too helpless to escape the robin." Damien's friends shake their heads and leave the entrance, Damien tries screaming and Jason merely chuckles, a bitter and melancholy tone.

"No one can save you. No one can hear you. You're suddenly lifted out of the water and the bandages are wet enough that you can break free, you can cry out, but it scares you. Weren't you dead? Why would someone wrap you like this? Why were you trapped under the ground and then dunked in water? Why? Why? Why?" Damien shakes his head, he doesn't know why, Jason sighs deeply and kisses the boy's head roughly.

"Want me to let you go?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Alright, we have to go home anyway."

The moment Jason detaches himself from Damien, the youngest Robin rolls away and whips around, eyes shining and bright with tears. He crawls back to Jason and wraps his arms around his chest, pinning his arms at his side.

"I'm sorry Jason."

"I think that's the first time you've ever used my first name."

"Don't get used to it, Todd."

"Got it, Baby B."

**Number 184: Jason's Guide to Solving Problems (Kudos to Jason, Soren, and Stevie.)**

Vacuum cleaner salesmen? Flash a gun in their faces.

Nosy neighbour? Come to the door in a bloody T-shirt wielding an axe.

Talkative mail men? Send the dogs out.

Polling people? Show your collection of shrunken heads.

Political figures? Come to the door in the arms of your gay lover, fuzzy pink handcuffs and a ball gag should be used for maximum effect…And black stiletto heels.

Annoying kids from school? Punch them.

Annoying boys? Insult their mother, their car, their girl, then start a fight.

Annoying girls? Call them a bitch or fat or a whore/slut variation, pull their hair, spit in your hand and attempt a handshake, diss Twilight, flick them, poke them, and then chase them away with a bottle of yellow liquid and threaten to pour it all over them.

Daddy issues? Puppy eyes and a pout in your lower lips. Works every time.

Scratched the car? Blame a younger sibling.

Didn't work? Blame the dog.

Didn't work? Blame global-warming.

Didn't work? When in doubt, blame the neighbours.

Late homework? Threaten to sue teacher for sexual abuse.

Annoying siblings? Find a roll of duct tape and a dark closet.

And finally, rumours? Start a worse one and spam their blog with any annoying sentence you can think of. "Do you take it up the ass" usually works.

Author's Note: I know people who have done these and...please don't try them, for the sake of my sanity. More were supplied but they were probably too insulting…especially the Mormon one. Jason, you are not funny.

**Number 185: Water**

It's never a good idea to leave Jason alone with Ziploc bags or balloons, too many people have been rained on, too many cars attacked, and cleaning up the aftermath is _not_ fun.

**Number 186: Teachers**

Jason has given three complexes, driven one to insanity, inspired two to form a band, and had the last one fall in love with a lampshade…Still don't know how he accomplished that.

**Number 187: Phone Companies from India**

Jason always swears in the phone in hopes that they stop calling.

They haven't.

**Number 188: Wrong Number**

Jason was never in Drama but he's always able to pull off some amazing accents and the person on the other line usually listens to him go off about Loch Ness, tea and crumpets, vodka, beer, wombats, lederhosen, and moose for ten minutes before hanging up.

**Number 189: Pillow Fights**

It's not as fun when the pillows aren't full of feathers.

**Number 190: I'm Sexy and I Know It**

He was just glad that Starfire and Roy were safely tucked away in Moscow waiting for him to join them, Tim however was _not_ welcomed company.

"You look fabulous, Jay."

"Shut up."

"I mean it, you look better than Sherlock did."

Jason crossed his arms over his chest, keeping his eyes shut and ignoring the long black hair that tickled his chest. It was Dick's twenty-first birthday and Tim thought Jason would make the perfect present-or rather-that _Jessica_ would make the perfect present. It was a good thing that Jessica was lean and lithe enough to pass for a girl but _she_ still had powerful arms ready to knock someone out, Tim had to call Conner to hold Jesse down as he went about waxing his brother's legs. Of course, Conner didn't know it was Jason, Tim said it was "some guy he picked up from the street" which wasn't far from the truth because Jason had been evicted from his apartment and was sleeping under the bridge.

Jessica was wearing a red halter-top dress with five inch ruby red heels, a string of pearls was tied around her neck and her long black hair was curled at the ends, Babs had come by to apply red lip stick and green eye shadow, not to mention put on a substantial amount of foundation on her face. Jessica didn't bother fighting it, no hair was left on her arms, face, or legs and they burned with whatever fragranced lotion they lathered onto her skin.

"Alright, Jesse, you're on."

"I hate you."

"Don't talk, you'll give yourself away."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Damien says that all the time and he hasn't tried anything."

"Sure, have fun with your _poison _apple refreshment."

Tim stared down at his drink and held it up to his lips, taking a sniff and dumping it into the plant next to him. Meanwhile, Jessica made a slow and clumsy way towards Dick who was staring at him with his mouth hanging open, surely Jessica wasn't _that_ beautiful.

_Just keep your mouth shut, give him a kiss, and then leave._ Jessica repeating in her mind, putting her hands on Dick's shoulders and winking.

_I'm going to be sick. I'm going to throw up. _She leaned forward and kissed both of Dick's cheeks and felt a part of herself die when she quickly kissed his lips.

"She's teasing you, Dick." Tim called from the background, Dick laughed nervously and ran his tongue over his lips, staring at Jessica and crossing his ankles awkwardly.

_Nervous? You're nervous? You're not in a fucking dress in stupid, fucking heels and make-up…And the push-up. _Jessica smiled suddenly, walking around the chair and as she ran a finger along his cheek, leaping into his lap and arching backwards before throwing herself forward and tickling his face with her hair. Dick's face got redder and Jessica became a little more confident, moving her legs to the side and kicking her legs, laying down running her hands down her sides. Just made a move to stand up and swing a leg over Dick's head, she felt something pressing against her thigh. Jessica froze, the music playing stopped and everyone was quiet. She turned around to stare at Dick as a mad sweat ran down his face, he chuckled nervously and Jessica bit her lip.

"Is that a candlestick in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" Jessica tried to sound as girlish as possible and Dick breathed out in relief.

"Probably the latter."

"Well sorry boy, I'm a little out of your league." With that, Jessica leapt off Dick's lap, tore off her heels and raced out of the room with Tim on her heels.

When most of the party goers had vanished and Jason made a short recording for Dick that Tim could play, the rebel quickly shed the girlish clothing and hurriedly scrubbed at his face. He was using his and Dick's bathroom when the door opened and Jason was faced with the last person he wanted to see; Dick himself.

"Jay…?"

"…Hi…"

"That…that was you?"

"…Hi…"

"Jay, are you…OK?"

"…Hi…"

Jason sat on the toilet seat and pulled a pair of jeans on, keeping his head down as he pulled a white tee over his head and then threw the women's clothing into the laundry hamper. Dick ran a hand down his face and shut the door behind him, easing himself onto the floor and folding his hands over his crotch.

"It's still hard."

"I don't care, I don't want to know, I just want to forget this ever happened."

"I don't."

Jason was fire truck red at his point and Dick shrugged in a very casual way.

"Really, you're quite fetching in a dress."

"Kiss my ass, Dick." The eldest Batchild snorted and Jason groaned, letting his head drop into his hands with a heavy sigh. "I wish I could quit you, Grayson." Dick recovered from his bout of laughter and pushed himself onto his knees, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder and smiling.

"I'm your favourite brand of cigarette, aren't I?"

"Yep, fave fag through and through." Dick groaned.

* * *

Wow, this might be my favourite one yet and it was so much fun to write! Leave suggestions in your reviews, I hope I made everyone happy.

In the case of **Kathy R. Edgeworth's** review...I know nothing about Assassins Creed, sorry.

Hope everyone enjoyed!


	17. Chapter 17

It Sucks Being the Eldest: Jason Edition Part 9

**Number 191: All for One and One for All (thanks to totallyawesome1398)**

Bruce likes to torture his sons at every given interval and those stupid corporate functions are his favourite brand of "Todd Torture" because Jason has to play nice with all respectable heads of business in Gotham City, even though Jason knows half of these companies are funded by known drug lords vying for commercial value because Jason remembers that bubble gum company that went out of business for adding cocaine into their product. That and Jason gets a new suit, tailored for his needs with hidden pockets for his cigarettes and a knife of two. All of Bruce's boys are dressed in black with a different coloured shirts; Dick gets dark blue, Jason gets dark red, Tim gets forest green, and Damien gets a pleasant shade of yellow. The four of them sit with their father and try their hardest not to interrupt, Jason and Tim have a knack for detecting lies, and Damien would rather threaten people for the truth.

By the time lunch rolls around, the boys convene on the balcony to discuss various points of boredom or listen to Jason say that two guys were playing Pac-Man on their iPads, one was sleeping, the woman at the back was farting, and _at least_ one man was masturbating.

Damien and Tim have gone off to find a computer and "play games" (that is what Tim calls hacking), Jason is having a smoke with a few other corporate heads and Dick is leaning against the glass with his blue eyes shut, imaging Alfred's warm chocolate cookies melting in his mouth, so much so that his tongue can't move.

"Hey, you're that Grayson kid, right?" That sweet dream is shattered as Dick opens his eyes, turning his attention to a man in a crisp white suit with Italian shoes; don't ask how he knows, he just does. The other thing Dick notices is the smile on this guys face as if he's some sort of god come to mingle with the common folk, what would Jason say? …Oh right, self-absorbed, egotistical bastard.

"Um…yeah?" He answers back, raising an eyebrow at the man's apparent joy.

"I knew it, I knew it! Saw you perform a few times, you've got a talent, don't you, freak?" From the corner of his eye, Dick can see Jason shake his head and toss his cigarette over the side of the balcony and angle his body in such a fashion as he can watch both Dick and the prick.

"Sorry, what was that?" Bruce is on the other side of the room trying to have a casual conversation but Dick can see the stress lines, the ones that read "you have no idea what you're talking about and yet you still think you have an intelligent opinion".

"Well, I thought people who joined the circus were freaks, like those strong men or bearded ladies."

"Most of the time those are birth defects."

"Right." Jason curses loud enough for the room to hear and Dick brings his hands behind him to form fists, giving a tight smile and trying to laugh as Mr. White claps him over the shoulder and brings him closer to the table, picking up a glass of punch and forcing it into Dick's hand before he can so much as deny it.

"But really," Dick catches the name tag that reads "Edgar Ingles" and tries to remember where he heard the name before. "What was it like?"

"What was what like?" The far corner starts to laugh and it would seem that Bruce's witty repartee has indeed increased in its use of sarcasm and snarky put downs. Damien runs past the door with a dozen security guards on his heels and the youngest Batchild leads them down an abandoned hallway only to knock them out and hide each in separate broom closets. He walks past the boardroom to smirk at Dick and Jason chuckles into his hand as the ten year old skips back to the main computer room, Heaven knows how much damage Tim has caused to the system.

"Their death, I mean. Must've been epic with the crowd cheering their names and then the rope begins to tear, gets your heart racing, doesn't it? And then they fall, the crowd gathers together in that cry of surprise and horror and then there's you." Mr. Ingles pokes Dick's chest and kind of giggles, jostling their cups together and spilling the contents on the floor, Dick's face is looking paler and paler and Ingles voice is rising higher and higher.

"You're standing there looking so incredibly…I don't know, surreal, as if I could come over there and swat you outta existence. Police never found the guy who tampered with the rope, wanna know why?"

"_Enlighten me_." Dick practically growls, voice tight and eyes on the verge of hot and angry tears, he briefly considers throwing Ingles out the window.

"Well, you're a _circus freak_, you find a dime a dozen in any other ghetto in Gotham…Am I touching a nerve, _circus freak_?"

"More like a landmine, jackass." Jason stalks over, grabs Ingles shoulder and swings him around to land a punch across his jaw line, knocking him unconscious before digging the sole of his shoe into Ingles stomach. The satisfying crash of Mr Crisp and Clean flying into the projector screen alerts the rest of the board leaders of Bruce's children at work. Jason has Dick by the shoulders and the taller boy is swaying gently on his feet, tears blinding his eyes and slipping down his cheeks, small fingernail marks on his palms are bleeding and Jason gives an affirmative nod to the entrance. A proud sixteen year old Tim comes sauntering in and delivers a slim notebook into the head chairman's hands as he begins to read out Mr. Ingles impressive resume of bank fraud, embezzlement of corporate funds, a sex tape, and a possible involvement in a drug deal with a man in China.

"And just how did you come by this information?" Tim shrugs and jerks his head towards Jason, the second eldest smiles and places Dick in a chair. He walks around to Ingles designated seating place and puts his iPad on the table.

"He was switching between this and Pac-Man but I think you'll find this _much_ more interesting." Bruce leans over and crooks an eyebrow though his lips are pressed in a thin line.

"He's stealing funds from all our companies." Bruce is _pissed_ and Damien decides it's his turn to add to the great mystery before his father goes Batman.

"While Drake was fiddling around with the computers, a group of Ingles cronies came by. I took the liberty of locking them away until further notice."

"Are they injured?" Bruce asks lightly which is code for "did you kill anyone?". Damien rolls his eyes dramatically and leans over the table, batting his eyelashes innocently.

"Honestly Father, what could I _possibly_ do to a bunch of grown men?"

No one questions the boy's logic and a few head out to find the men, Dick has placed his elbows on his knees and is in the midst of pressing his eyeballs into his brain. Jason sits on the table beside him and rubs his shoulder, cautiously pulling out a permanent marker and nudging Dick with its cap.

"If we're really quick about it, I'm sure we could make his mug shot a little more…memorable." Dick lifts himself up and smiles, a few tears making his eyes twinkle. He looked down at the marker and pulled out a small vial of red paint, sticks another hand into Jason's jacket and pulls out a knife.

"You give him a makeover and I'll cut his pants a bit." Jason raised an eyebrow.

"That, dare I say it, is so juvenile of you." Dick rolled his eyes and cut at the fabric in between Mr. Ingles thighs, Jason draws a quick moustache with one swift flourish.

"_Please_, I was a prankster long before you. You should've seen the look on Bruce's face when I faked my death."

Two sharp hits to the head later and both boys have been hauled to their feet and have been dragged out, Tim and Damien are leading the charge to the limo as Bruce leans forward and hisses in the eldest's ears.

"If you try anything like that again, I'll kill you."

"You just sore that you didn't get to draw the French moustache on his face." Bruce sighed.

"You've should've draw "Vacancy" on his forehead along with "Unzip here", would've been much more amusing."

"Is that experience talking?"

"…Alfred has never forgiven me."

**Number 192: Implication in Rainbows (thanks go to Chaseha-Wing)**

Jason stared at the cone with mild interest and as his eyes trailed to the top, he kind of glared at Tim's choice in garnish. Jason preferred chocolate chips or a mountain of Swedish Berries or gummy bears on his ice cream, not sprinkles and certainly not _rainbow_ sprinkles.

"Are you trying to imply something?" He asked slowly, Tim snorted and peeled a banana, taking a good portion into his mouth and smiling.

"If I wanted to be _that_ obvious, I'd use pink instead…or maybe purple."

**Number 193: You Understand So Little (For Dextra2)**

It was a late night when the parents were away and any siblings around would be fast asleep, of course, the night owl would be awake, still clicking away at stories and watching whatever happened to be on. A faint glow emitted from the T.V screen and morphed into the familiar figure of Jason Todd, he threw his helmet onto the couch opposite the writer and fell into the loveseat against the wall.

"Do you ever sleep?" he asked quietly, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"I could ask you the same thing." Jason rolled his eyes as Hex reclined and yawned, shaking a head of short brown hair before leaning back.

"What'cha watching anyways?"

"Under the Red Hood."

"What's it about?"

"Watch and find out."

Later that Night

There's silence, uncanny despite the snores coming from two separate rooms on either side of a dark hallway. Hex is still in the same position, bent over a laptop and most likely developing long-lasting back problems while Jason has moved over to the other couch and draped himself over Hex's knees that have lost all feeling. Jason chuckles.

"He has never once said "get in the car" to me, not ever." His tone is thoughtful and Hex hums in response.

"He's the Batman, such simple lines might damage his epicness. Imagine if he didn't do the cap flourish, oh wait, we've seen that already."

The pair of them laugh before Hex asks Jason to remove himself or else, not specifying the "or else" part too clearly. Saving whatever document and turning off the computer, Hex sets the piece of tech on the table and tries standing but with no feeling in feet or knees, falls back with a playful glare.

"Ignoring my obvious lack of mobility right now, what did you think? Of the movie, I mean?"

Jason cocked his head to one side, watching the credits fall down the screen like a waterfall, his next words were hard and specifically chosen.

"I suppose…he's not as heartless as I thought."

"He loves you, you know? All of them do." Jason rose from the couch, picked up the helmet and once again started to dissolve into a flickering light.

"Whatever, the clown's still breathing so he can't love me _that_ much."

**Number 194: Meltdown (for teenagejustice)**

The physical throbbing of every known pain receptor in his body doesn't hurt as much as the knowledge that Bruce isn't going to make it. Something inside of him just…knew, understood that he was going to die and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

What the Hell?

What the actual freaking Hell?

He wasn't supposed to die, superheroes don't die, sidekicks don't die…It's against the law of nature and who said that Jason wanted to die tonight? He didn't want to follow his mother or father down the path to light or dark or wherever it is you go after you hit your expiry date.

So why? Why was he dying and why now? Too many shattered collar bones is not cause enough to kill someone. But he wasn't crying, no matter how much his chest hurt or how tight his throat was with sobs, his eyes were wet, and the scent of iron was so intoxicating. He didn't want this, getting blown up was not his idea of "going out with a bang", he imagined some sort of fight and his valiant efforts would go unnoticed until Bruce storms inside and watches Jason get stabbed through the chest but Jason would grab hold of his killer and they'd both go out.

He once thought of calling for help but he remembered the rib jarring angrily against his lung, slowly filling up with blood. Against the cool metal of the door, watching the little red figures literally count down the seconds of his life, all Jason wanted to do was close his eyes and wake up at home with his black teddy bear clutched in his arms and Dick laughing at the absurdity of it all.

"_You're too old for teddy bears, Jay,"_ he'd say with a smile, ruffling his brother's hair because it bothered him so much.

"_I'll do what I want in my own room, Dick."_

"_Of course, now stop drooling and get dressed."_

Jason chuckled, coughing up blood in wet chunks and clutching his stomach as best as one could when their hands were handcuffed together.

_Bang!_

The Hell?

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

"Jason! Jason, are you in there!" the second Robin can't speak but he knocks his head against the door to show that he was there, frightened eyes switching back to the countdown. A lock is cut off and the door is pushed open and Jason looks up bleary-eyed as Nightwing forces himself into the room, hefting Jason into his arms and running outside and onto his bike, radioing Bruce and saying in a fast, almost disbelieving voice that Jason is alive. Jason can't speak for himself but his lips are moving fast too, Dick can make out a few sentences that are constantly repeated.

"_I'm going home."_

"_I'm not dead."_

"_I'm killing the Joker."_

"_I love you so much right now."_

**Number 195: From the Mouth of Babes**

"What was your first word?" Damien asked, inquisitive eyes shining with some form of innocence, if that was even possible.

"Mine was "bird"." Dick said softly, smirking at the irony.

"My parents have mixed opinions, Mom says "Mama" and Dad says "Daddy"."

All eyes turned to Jason. He stamps his cigarette out and runs a hand through his hair.

"Fuck."

**Number 196: School Sucks, Kiddies (thanks Erebus )**

Jason was not an academic by any stretch of the imagination, he was passing all of his courses but his teachers always said that he could do more which is true but…Jason can be a little lazy when it comes to school work. He had dropped out of English 20-1 and into 20-2, he was in the process of learning Latin roots. Thing is, Jason knew the roots already from his other class so he didn't bother writing down their definitions. His teacher, a short woman with a face full of wrinkles, leaned over his shoulder with a critical glare.

"What are you doing?"

"I learned these words in my other class." she nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, turning to the rest of the students.

"See," she looked at Jason. "This is how you fail." Jason raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't talk back or I'll send you to the office." She hissed in his ear.

"Go fuck yourself."

"Office!"

"It would be my pleasure."

**Number 197: Typical**

First, there was the call.

"How'd you get this number?"

"Master Bruce."

"Oh, hi Alfred. What's up?"

"Master Richard has been kidnapped."

"Again?"

"I'm afraid so." Jason pinched in the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply, shaking his head and downing his third beer of the night.

"Alright, send me the location and I'll get him. Where's Bruce?"

"Chasing Miss Selina."

"What did she steal this time, aside from his heart?"

"A diamond of sorts." Another sigh.

"It's one of those days…"

Second, is finding the location. Warehouses are incredibly popular and overall very boring. All it takes is Jason leaping onto the fire escape and climbing up, breaking a window and slipping inside. The only saving grace is the kidnappers always have different methods of keeping Nightwing all tied up and hostage-like; Dick's been hung upside down, put in a fish tank, chained in a coffin, you name it. Today, Nightwing has been tied to a metal post, legs bound with chains, and a cloth gag; Jason pulls out his Beretta 96's and shakes his head.

"Here's goes nothing."

Third is a general massacre and Jason tries ever so hard not to splatter Dick's clothes with blood.

Fourth is the rescue, Jason's favourite part of the night.

Dick pulled his knees up and cocked his head to one side as Jason knelt before him, flicking his forehead and chuckling.

"You know, I never had this problem when I was Robin…How is it that this keeps happening to you?" Dick shrugs and watches Jason put a bullet through the chain then move behind him to untie his wrists. Dick pulls out the gag and coughs, licking his lips and cracking his neck.

"Who knows? Maybe Gotham's criminals recognize me as Batman's favourite." Jason picked up the gag and stuffed it down Dick's throat, quickly handcuffing Nightwing's hands behind him and hefting the older boy over his shoulder.

"Let's test that theory. Tim's in the trunk."

**Number 198: Jason's Insurance**

Bruce has stopping paying for it.

**Number 199: Friday Night**

Jason is never playing "7 Minutes in Heaven" ever again…_Ever_.

**Number 200: 7 Minutes in Heaven**

When the closet is locked behind him and Jason tumbled into solid mass with warmth and a heartbeat, he remembers what Barbara told him.

"Just kiss them."

The thing is, Jason doesn't know who he is kissing; this game was organized by the girls of the household and all the boys were blindfolded. Damien was banned from playing and Alfred had other more important stuff to do.

Bruce's excuse?

….

That's right, "I'm Batman".

So Jason was just sitting there, hands on a distinctly male chest and trying not to breathe so loud. The girls were giggling beyond the door and his partner sighed deeply, Jason hoped to God that this wasn't Conner or Roy…Ew, that would be just…_ew_, his tongue was down Starfire's throat only moments ago; not that Starfire was a bad kisser, Jason was sure she was a good kisser but having both their saliva in his mouth was just…_wrong_.

He swallowed his pride and forced his mouth over the other's, sucking on his partner's tongue and receiving a pleasurable moan from the other. Jason wrapped his arms around the other's waist, sliding onto the other man's lap and curling his legs around. His partner responded in a similar fashion, sliding his hands up Jason's chest and moving around his neck, tugging on strands of Jason's black, black hair. They hadn't parted for breath yet, their turtleneck sweaters suddenly too warm and restricting, Jason was in the midst of pulling off his partner's shirt when the door was opened and the lamplight forced both boys to open their eyes. Passionate green met subdued blue. Jason flushed and Dick kind of hiccupped. Tim made a sound of surprise and abruptly left the room, Barbara put a hand over her mouth, Stephanie was blushing, and Cassandra looked stunned. Jason pushed himself off of Dick and whipped a pillow at Stephanie's face.

"Never again."

* * *

I was eating an excessive amount of sugar when I wrote this so I apologize for the mistakes.

I've decided to stick with just Dick and Jason for this story, in the next couple of days I will upload _It Sucks Being the Youngest _to explore Tim and Damien's personality stuff. I might go and do something with the girls in Bruce's Bat family but because I don't know too much about them so..yeah. I might do a few entries with Barbara while I'm at it.

Thank you guys so much and leave a suggestion (if you have one)!


	18. Chapter 18

**Number 201: Comfort**

Deep down inside her, Cassandra wanted a mother, a woman who would take care of her and show her all the things she had missed out on. Barbara was wonderful of course and Stephanie was one of the best sister's she had ever had. Sure, the boys were…divided on their opinions but she loved them and they loved her back…Well, she thinks so at least.

Lady Shiva had given her a challenge: Fight me to the death and we'll see how strong you are.

Well, Cassandra "kicked ass" as Jason put it but she refused to kill, something Bruce instantly admired but…her mother wasn't as pleased.

"You are no daughter of mine." The woman had hissed from her position on the ground, the venom in her voice wounding Cassandra more than any physical attack. Lady Shiva abruptly picked herself up and dismissed her daughter, she had completed half of the challenge and she warned that one day, one day that Cassandra would kill…and she would like it.

Jesus Christ, the sobs in her chest were choking her, no matter how she clawed at her suit, at the blood raining from above, the memory of that victory, the memory of a prophecy that was coming true…It was so _painful_.

"Hey there," a voice said from somewhere behind her. "You don't look too good, little sis." Cassandra sniffled and looked over her shoulder, brushing an arm across her eyes and feigning a smile.

"You ain't fooling anyone, kiddo. Come on, I'm taking you home."

"Jay," Cassandra whimpered, reaching up and grabbing his shirt. "I didn't…want…I never…"

"I know, baby girl. Let's go home."

"But…the body…?"

"Starfire, take care of this."

Cassandra watched the fiery redhead walk past them and shoot green balls of light that slowly burnt the body away, Red Arrow shot a few arrows into the glass ceiling to let the rain inside as Jason lifted his sister up into his arms and carried her home. He didn't ask who the unfortunate bastard was and maybe he didn't care as much because he felt the same way when he killed the first time.

That gut retching "I wanna die" feeling as the blood slipped into his mouth…

**Number 202: Regret**

Because Barbara has a father and knows she'll never be close to Bruce like Dick is.

**Number 203: Normal**

Batgirl and Robin have been patrolling Gotham for an hour now and all is quiet until a string of flashing red and blue lights drive down the highway towards a prominent bank. The pair of night owls spring into action and leap from rooftop-to-rooftop until they wrap themselves around a gargoyle with blank expressions.

To see Harley and Ivy rob a bank together while sticking their tongues down each other's throats is completely normal if not…slightly arousing. Batgirl was quick to cover Robin's eyes.

**Number 204: Inadequate**

Barbara hates it when Catwoman flaunts her curves in front of Bruce but then again, she wouldn't dare try it against the Joker.

**Number 205: Excuses**

"Bruce, don't come in! I'm having "girl issues"!"

**Number 206: A Woman's Touch**

"That doesn't mean you can paint my room _pink_, Babs."

"Just trying to help you find your feminine side~"

"Bullshit. You're just pissed that I threw your makeup in the toilet."

"So it _was _you."

"Ah man…"

**Number 207: Tears…**

…are actually a girl's best friend; you can get anything you want with them.

**(Author's Note: Has anyone else noticed this?)**

**Number 208: Commissioner's Daughter **

When Babs lived with Bruce, no one entered her room. Ever.

She's got a freakin' _shotgun_ mounted on the wall.

**Number 209: Favourite**

"I am you favourite, right?"

"Well-"

"Come on Bruce, did I crash the Bat Mobile?"

"No but you let Jason _drive it_."

**Number 210: Damien**

Barbara seemed to be the only one (aside from Bruce), who accepted his homicidal tendencies until Dick found out about the absolute cuddle monkey that he was.

**Number 211: Big Sister**

When she told Dick to eat dirt, he did.

**Number 212: Jason**

She moved out because he threw her stuff in the toilet constantly but "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" so the next morning, Jason woke up to neon pink hair, pink lips, yellow nail polish and purple night shadow.

**Number 213: Jealousy **

The feeling that courses through Jason's veins when he sees Conner and Tim together.

**Number 214: Wishes**

When no one is home and Damien has finally been released into Morpheus's embrace, Dick likes to imagine a world where his little brother _remained_ little.

**Number 215: Of Dreams and Living Lies**

"I had the strangest dream about you last night." Jason said conversationally, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Oh? And what was it about?"

"Well, we were Romans and you must've been an Emperor or something with his laurel crown and lack of pants." Dick snorted and popped a strawberry in his mouth.

"Go on."

"I was a general, I think, and I came inside to give you a report. Don't know what the Hell I was saying because we were speaking Greek."

"Because you know what Ancient Greek sounds like." Jason bumped his shoulder against Dick's and turned around to sit down.

"Shut up. Anyway, we're talking and then you put a hand around my waist, much like how you're doing it right now." Dick smirked and sat down on the table, pulling Jason in front of him.

"Then what happened?"

"I think I swore at you," Dick chuckled. "But then I did this."

Jason leaned forward and pressed his mouth over Dick's revelling the in surprised squeak and came from his brother, breakfast and coffee forgotten, Jason pushed Dick back against the table and climbed onto his hips, fingers began tearing into the flesh there as he rocked forward. Dick moaned reached up with blind fingers to grab at Jason's hair and lift himself off the wood.

Then Jason's hands came around his neck.

Dick's eyes shot open and he found his tongue trapped in between Jason's lips, a suffocating mouth. But Jason was melting, his face was turning an ugly white-brown colour and dripped, the taste of dirt, of _clay_ travelled down his throat.

He might've screamed as dozens of arms pulled him inside.

**Number 216: Withdrawal**

Even if there wasn't any drugs in his system, Tim was doing through withdrawal. His body was shaking, his skin was sweating, mouth wide open and saliva being choked up, fingers itching for a trigger, cock hardening for an encounter.

He didn't mean it.

He wouldn't say those things, not his Red Hood, not his Blue Jay, not his Jason.

"_Get it into your head that I __**don't want you.**__ It's over."_

Well, you're a fucking liar, Todd. A fucking beautiful liar with piercing green eyes and a body like a bomb waiting to explode and destroy. Mission accomplished, you fucking terrorist.

**Number 217: Lost**

She stared at the suit for a long time before landing it over to Bruce and finally letting go of her cowl, the leather and latex passing over her fingers like the skin of an old lover that you just don't want to let go. The wheelchair seemed tighter around her now almost to the point where she felt like she couldn't breathe. Her hands were shaking so much and she had to remove her glasses to let her tears fall freely.

Her life was over. What would she do now? No one would need her…She was…Christ, she was _useless_.

"Don't be stupid, Gordon." A voice said behind her, she hadn't realized she had spoken that last point aloud. Damien walked around to face her and dried her glasses on the end of his shirt, took both of her hands in his and squeezed tightly, he knocked his head against hers.

"If my grandfather taught me anything it was that we all have a purpose in life. _Vita est plena propositum._"

"What's my purpose then?" Damien let of her hands and threw his arms around her neck.

"To be my big sister."

**Number 218: Of Dreams and Living Lies Pt. 2**

Dick felt sick to his stomach, there was a taste in his mouth that he longed to dispose of but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He was in a sewer judging by the stench, hardened clay kept him captive against one of the steel gates, hardened clay held his tongue in check and covered his mouth. It hurt to swallow because his gag reflex was on the fritz, acid climbed up his throat every five minutes. He had no idea where Clayface was now but he sensed he was close enough, a splash somewhere in the distance alerted Dick to a third player in this play.

"Dick? Where are you?"

_Jason! _

A shadow moved along the water and Dick fought to free himself but both his hands, up to his elbows, and his feet, up to his knees, were encased in clay and he wasn't exactly awake enough to get out. Several gunshot rung out and Dick stared ahead with baited breath, Jason ran into sight with a growl, Starfire hovered behind him shooting star bolts, who knew where Roy was.

Jason wasn't wearing his helmet anymore and he put his hands on Dick's face.

"You hurt?"

Dick shook his head.

"Good," he knocked on the clay bindings. "Do you trust me?"

Dick nodded. Jason rolled his eyes and pulled out his guns, shooting the clay and looking over his shoulder at Starfire as she landed behind him.

"Anything?"

"Nothing. Roy should be here soon."

"Good, keep him occupied a while longer." Jason turned back and pulled Dick off the gate, staring hard at the gag and frowning.

"I'd shoot that off but that would probably kill you."

_Really? What gave you that idea?_

"Don't give me that, someone has to be annoyingly obvious."

_Don't make fun of Tim like that!_

"He makes it too easy, Dick, don't defend him."

_I will when you finally give up the smoking habit._

"You wound me. Now let's go, Dad will probably have a solution."

Starfire ignores the boys and their telepathic ability to have a seemingly one-sided conversation as the ground above Clayface explodes, Dick then realizes that Jason called Bruce "Dad". That doesn't happen too often and he wonders what has happened – or what will happen – to cause Jason to acknowledge Bruce as his guardian. They race out of the sewer and threw a secret passage into the Bat Cave just as the pathway behind them explodes.

Later

Bruce wasn't home, Tim was at school, and Damien was with Alfred upstairs; Jason rifled through Bruce's things until he found a syringe marked "Clay Liquefier". Plunging the needle into the clay gag, Dick lowered his head over a bowl as the clay in and over his mouth became liquid; Jason passed his orange juice and milk to get rid of the taste. Then he started to leave.

"Jay," Dick reached for Jason's arm and he pulled away.

"Don't worry, I'll be around. Love you." There was something familiar in his eyes, the same look of regret that Dick saw as his father started to fall.

_I'm not coming back._

"Liar." His voice was suddenly raw and he put a hand over his eyes and waited for Jason's footsteps to disappear before dropping to the floor, tears stuck in his eyes, too proud to leave.

**Number 219: Withdrawal Pt. 2**

Jason didn't get very far. The warmth of that bird's body against him hadn't left, his hands exploring his chest, wrapping around his head and longing to tear the damned helmet from his eyes, those blue eyes looked so inviting but there's no way it would work out.

"…_let's go __**home**__, Jay."_

Fucking _Hell_, that's all he ever wanted!

He was so fucking close, so close to just…doing his own thing, killing shit that bothered him and letting loose on the next lucky fucker that dared to piss him off but…it was too much. The haze in Tim's eyes, the stupid moral code burned into his memory thanks to the Bat, his bird…that asshole that tried…he just wanted…Vengeance…avenge his Robin…that bastard could've and he wanted…

The trembling child's fingers as slipped from his shoulder to arm as Jason turned away angrily and jumped off the building, escaping into the dark that was running ragged from the pale orange glow of the rising sun. The ports were abuzz with activity, the gulls cried in the air underneath pink clouds, the low hum of conversation, the sea salt and fish.

For a brief moment, his mind danced around the possibility of going back, of taking that Robin with him, teaching him things Batman wouldn't. The glint of steel, the ecstasy in gunpowder, hard metal in your palm.

But he couldn't.

He was just so pure. So bright, unmarked by the horrors of these dirty streets; Jason couldn't bring himself to subject his brother, his partner, his lover, to such horrors. He understood that right?

_Wrong_.

When Jason returned to his rundown apartment to catch a couple winks, his phone buzzed with a simple message.

"_I hope you're proud of yourself, fucking asshole."_

Jason smirked, he never knew Dick could swear like that.

**Number 220: Follow You**

For the longest time, Dick and Tim sat at the dinner table without touching their food. Bruce was leaned back to observe his children and frowned.

True, Barbara was happily chatting away with Damien and Cassandra was adding her two cents every now and then with no complaint for the littlest Robin. Alfred sighed deeply and whispered into Bruce ear, the Caped Crusader let his eyes shut with an equally tired sigh.

"I believe something happened with Master Jason."

"Have they said anything?"

"No, they seem to seek comfort from each other but they haven't confided with anymore else. I'm sorry sir."

"Don't worry Alfred, I take care of it."

Dinner was finished in the following minutes and both Dick and Jason made their way to the backyard, to the swing set, and quietly swung themselves high enough to be on par with the bar. Bruce completed a pressing email and sent it on its way before joining his sons, leaning against the tree and watching them slow down. Dick spoke first.

"Something up Bruce?" he asked, trying to sound light and friendly.

"No, just thought I'd come out here for a while." Dick nodded, half a smile found its way to his face but it vanished insistently. Tim was more reluctant to slow down, he slowly stood up and flipped off, swaying gently on his feet before Dick ran and caught him. The eldest said Tim was tired and that he was taking him to bed, Bruce nodded and smiled sympathetically, Dick seemed to start and he hurried inside. Bruce took a deep breath and stared up at the tree, bright red jarred his sight. Jason pulled off his helmet and jumped down beside Bruce, falling into a swing and dragging his feet.

"Did you see that?" Bruce said firmly, jerking his head towards the entrance to the house.

"I did."

"Care to explain?"

"It's nothing, I just told them what they already knew."

"You're a fool." Jason raised his gaze from his boots to stare at Bruce's pensive face, sharp blue eyes looking fierce against the frown on his face. Then he looked straight at Jason. It hurt. Bruce had the kind of stare that reminded one of ice and that ice had embedded itself in Jason's chest.

"Stop toying with their feelings."

"I'm not-"

"Yes you are, Jason!" Bruce's voice got louder and deeper, not in the sense that he was Batman but he was just Bruce, a severely pissed off father worrying about his children. He pushed off the tree and grabbed the neckline of Jason's shirt and threw him into the trunk.

"They love you! But you don't seem to give a damn what they think. By God, Jason, they're your brothers!" he wasn't yelling at Jason but his voice was tight and excited, those eyes were burning with angry passion. It was scary.

"Look at me Bruce! Look! I'm a bad guy, I kill and I blow shit up because it's in my blood. I'm not made to wake on even ground with them, if they continue to follow, they'll end up just like me!"Jason shoved Bruce back and started walking away but you don't turn your back on Gotham's finest. Bruce grabbed one of Jason's arms, twisted it behind his back, and kicked Jason's legs out from under him. He pinned Jason to the ground with a knee on his back and a hand over his head, the other kept Jason's right arm tight between his shoulder blades.

"They follow you because they want to here. I want you here and I don't care what I have to do to make you see it too. You belong with us, Jason." The rebel was about to come up with something smart to say when he noticed Damien staring at him from the doorway, the same icy stare piercing his chest. Damien heard the entire conversation and he was nodding.

_Father's right, Todd. Try anything stupid and he'll break your arm._

"How do you expect to whip me back into shape, Bruce?"

"It's me you'll be working with." Jason looked back again and saw Dick rigid in the doorframe, Tim looked serious but there was a soft vulnerability in his eyes. Bruce leaned forward with a rueful smirk.

"All those penis and short jokes are coming to bit you in the ass."

"Fuck you, old man." Alfred raised and eyebrow and pulled out a silver tray, Jay shook his head.

"No! I wasn't talking about you! –_Bang!_ – No, quit it – _Bang! _– Fuck, Alfred! –_Bang!_ – Ow!"

* * *

Damn, is this my longest one? If it is, it don't matter, this is my new favourite. I don't know what came over me, I just felt the need to...I don't know what to call it. I was reading **Necchan's **_If Cupid's Got a Gun Then He's Shootin', _ that's where **Number 215 **to the end came from...and I was listening to _Three Days Grace_ and _Theory Of A Deadman_.

Hope you enjoyed and leave your suggestions (if you have any).

Oh! Almost forgot,** batman-defeats-all**, your suggestions will be featured next chapter, sorry!


	19. Chapter 19

**Number 221: Fate is A Bitch**

Dick knew it had to happen eventually knowing Jason's childlike mentality when it came to pressing buttons of any kind. If you had come to Jason when he was twelve and told him "don't press the big red button", Jason would push it without so much as blinking. Jason was sixteen now and Dick was happy nineteen, the second Robin had just watched "Elf" and it _was_ Christmas time so…He pressed every button in hopes to create a Christmas tree, whether he intended the elevator to get stuck in between the fortieth and thirty-ninth floor was up for debate because the rebel looked mighty pleased about the situation. Dick had decided to sit on the floor as Jason jumped around the tiny compartment, Dick had given up telling him to stop. True, they could open the door in the ceiling and climb up to the fortieth floor but they were only civilians, not Robin and Nightwing. They had been stuck there for about two hours and now the media buzz was getting more and more annoying, Dick had gotten onto his Tumblr account to find several messages waiting for him and Jason was on Tweeter and Facebook to find other such notes from friends and a news reporter or two. Dick didn't feel like addressing any comments made and he was tired, Jason had already sent a few messages to calm friends down and that he wanted tacos and desperately needed to pee.

"Jay, would you please stop jumping?"

"We're not going to fall, Dick, relax."

"Don't jinx us, idiot." Jason stuck out his tongue and Dick was tempted to finger him but he was much too good for that. As Jason leapt into the air again, the elevator went plummeting downwards, Jason latched onto the side and Dick grabbed onto the railing, shutting his eyes and feeling his stomach churn. Perhaps it was because falling reminded him of his parents flight to plight, the elevator stopped abruptly and Dick glared at his brother.

"Told you so."

"Shut up." Jason grumbled, standing up slowly and choosing to sit beside Dick, leaning on him and sighing. "Can't we climb out?"

"People might suspect something."

"Dick, there are plenty of movies that show people breaking the ceiling of elevator's and escaping certain death. Just because you have to play damsel in distress doesn't mean I have to." He pulled Dick to his feet and climbed Mount Grayson, popping the door open and hoisting himself up.

"Coming," he held out his hand.

"...Fine." Jason pulled Dick up with him and they pried a door open, finding themselves on the thirtieth floor. A group of police men met them on the bottom floor along with a dozen or so reporters with Bruce at the back.

"He doesn't look very happy." Jason said quietly.

"Maybe because he saw your latest post." Jason blanched.

"_**My dad hangs Catwoman posters in his room and dances to Katy Perry in fluffy pink slippers. No joke."**_

**Number 222: Mornings**

Dick should've locked his door last night because he was regretting Jason leaping onto his chest.

**Number 223: Evenings**

Half the time, Dick walks into his room to Jason curled up against all five of Dick's pillows.

**Number 224: Afternoon**

When Dick got out of university, Jason had already dropped out of high school but he didn't kick the habit of sleeping in till noon, still in his Batman pyjama's, still in Dick's bed, and still drooling on all five of Dick's pillows.

**Number 225: Weakness**

Dick has fun playing off his siblings weaknesses, especially Wet Willy's. Jason _hates_ those.

**Number 226: When in Doubt…**

…call reinforcements.

"Damien, Tim, assemble!"

"Fuck, Dick, that's unfair. Cassandra, help me!"

"Sorry Jay," she pointed at Stephanie's broken leg that was resting on her lap. Jason turned to Barbara.

"Help?"

"I'm in a wheelchair and guilt-tripping can only go so far."

Jason frowned, Tim was sitting on his chest and holding his arms down, Damien on his legs and Dick was quite happy with tickling his sides; Bruce was sitting in the armchair hiding his face behind a newspaper as Alfred politely laughed behind his hand.

**Number 227: Payback**

Jason waited patiently above Dick's window, he knew the do-gooder would go out patrolling alone and that was the best time to strike…No, he wasn't going to throw Dick to the ground but he was going to exact his revenge no matter the cost. So as Dick poked his head out of the window, stepped onto the window sill and made to open his arms and take flight, Jason hooked his arms under his older brother's armpits and hoisted him onto the room, putting into action his own tickling prowess and soon reducing Dick to tears.

**Number 228: Shopping**

Barbara took her sister's shopping whenever the chance presented itself but there was always one thing she hated more than anything, and that was Stephanie when she had cash to spare.

Barbara did not know what her sisters did as jobs but rumour was that Cassandra had been tutoring a few kids in Crime Alley, what was she teaching? Self-defense. But Stephanie was rather…enigmatic when it came to her life outside crime fighting but regardless, she insisted in going to every store at Gotham Mall.

Cassandra was easy. A pair of shoes, a few new shirts, cargo pants, soap, some chocolate, new headphones, CD's, and maybe a goofy graphic tee that she'd give to Bruce for his next birthday.

Stephanie wanted clothes, shoes, jewellery, dog food (?), games, stupid little knick-knacks that she wouldn't use, a new phone, a T.V. in her room, stuff animals, and blah blah blah.

It didn't help that Barbara was in a wheelchair and when Stephanie was wheeling her around, she didn't let go.

"Dick, give me the coffee."

"But – "

"No buts, I need all the help I can get, Stephanie got her paycheck Friday." Jason bent over and kissed Barbara's cheek.

"Good luck, soldier."

"You could come too, you know." Jason went rigid and stood up, walking back to the table and put his arms around Tim and Damien.

"I'd rather spend time with my _adorable_ younger brothers."

"Touch me and _die_, Todd."

"Are trying to get killed?"

Barbara looked imploringly at Dick who shook his head, he was stuck in some meeting with Bruce today because Dick had the ability to keep anyone awake, whether it was because he was annoying or a naturally occurring phenomenon of constant awareness condensed into a simple human being…that's up to you to decide.

It was at the moment that Stephanie bounded into the room dragging a sheepish Cassandra behind her. Smiling brightly at her brothers, she grabbed Barbara's wheelchair and they were off.

**Number 229: Actions are Louder Than Words**

When Jason has been out for more than seven hours and comes home to Dick punching him, it's not that Dick is angry at him, it's code for "don't scare me like that again".

**Number 230: Red Hood**

"But there's no hood, it's a helmet."

"Well does "Red Helmet" sound very threatening?"

"Red Hood isn't any better. Try and be a little more orignal."

"I'll keep that in mind, Darkwing Duck."


	20. Chapter 20

The Things I'll Never Say Edition 

**Number 231: From Jason to Dick**

"I just found out that I'm pregnant and the kid's yours, thought you'd want to know."

**Number 232: From Dick to Jason**

"Suck my Richard."

**Number 233: From Tim to Conner**

"Sorry, you're not my type. I'm dating Kid Flash."

**Number 234: From Dick to Bruce**

"We're having twins!"

"Wait what?"

"You and me, I had an ultrasound. Twins, Bruce, twins!"

"Well...that's fantastic!"

**Number 235: From Jason to Joker**

"I don't mind that you pretty much killed me a few years ago, wanna go clubbing after work?"

**Number 236: From Tim to Damien**

"Shut up and kiss me, junior."

**Number 237: From Jason to His Reflection**

"Good morning, beautiful."

**Number 238: From Jason to Bruce**

"I'm getting married."

**Number 239: From Jason to Bruce**

"Me and the Joker are getting hitched, coming?"

**Number 240: From Damien to Anyone**

"I've decided you're not worth killing, have a cookie and leave with your body intact.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm so sorry that this is so short, my inspiration is...dying to say the least and I'm working on _It Sucks Being the Youngest _and I need a different state of mind to write that, and then there's _Girls Do It Better _with Bruce's little girls and...ugh.

The long and short of this is that I'm taking a hiatus on this story for this week until school ends and I finish some projects (damn you Religion and Social), I just didn't want to leave you guys hanging.

See you Friday night...I hope.


	21. Chapter 21

**Number 241: Puzzle Solving**

For the longest time, Batman stared at the ornate door before him with a narrowed brow and constant frown, puzzling over the trick as he continued to listen to Riddler's laugh over the P.A. system. Robin was bouncing about the room, it seems like the twelve year old could not keep still for more than an hour and Batman was always regretting bringing him along. Suddenly, the Boy Wonder jumped onto a raised platform beside the door and leapt into the air, latching onto a pole and swinging himself around the bar before flipping onto another one and another one after that. A loud _click _came from the door in front of the Caped Crusader and it opened up, Riddler stopped laughing and Robin did another fanciful flip and landed firmly on the Riddler's shoulders. Robin laughed and quickly handcuffed the foe, punching Batman's side as he pasted him.

"There were dials on the bars like a combination; I noticed some numbers in the main room. You're losing you edge, Bats." Batman raised an eyebrow and pulled Riddler to his feet.

"Maybe I just have a good partner."

**Number 242: "Oh Dick…"**

"There's something I don't get." Dick said, pulling off his shoes and putting his feet up on the dash of the Bat Mobile, Bruce moved his feet off and flicked a switch above his head, opening the gate behind the waterfall and driving inside; Alfred was waiting for them with a coffee and chocolate milk, Dick reacted…_strangely_ to caffeine.

"What don't you get, Dick?"

"Why is the Joker's calling card a Jester card? Why not change his name to Jester?" Bruce shrugged, pulling off the cowl and sitting down on in front of the huge computer, taking the coffee and sighing gratefully.

"He's insane, Dick, I don't think it matters."

"Well, Two-Face isn't insane, he's just a walking mistake."

"Oh?"

"It should be "Two-Faces" not "Two-Face." Bruce groaned into his other hand.

"Oh Dick…"

**Number 243: Of Rabbit Tails and Fishnets (For CHiKa-RoXy, thanks for this!)**

Jason sat on the bed, legs crossed at the ankles, shirtless with a new set of bandages wrapped around his chest and over his left shoulder, a few nicks and scars marred skin and Dick had been adamant in sticking a band aid over Jason's nose. The rebel was scrubbing blood off his helmet (Dick didn't understand how he was able to tell helmet from blood), and Dick was using the shower, Joker thought it'd be funny to "tar and feather" the poor bird.

Jason's apartment was a foreclosed building, the wallpaper was peeling away and showing off the rusted red of the brick wall, a dark lavender couch had lost any cushiony goodness, and there was no kitchen applicants which left Jason to steal food or mooch off of Dick or oblige his younger brothers to have dinner with them; Damien didn't care unless he was able to drop an insult or two.

Eventually, the running water stopped and Jason lifted his eyes from his work and watched the door open, Dick poked his head out and glared at his brother.

"Where's my suit?"

Jason snorted and gestured to the seat beside him, the Nightwing costume was torn in several places and blood had already soaked into the fabric.

"It smells bad, it's wet, and there are too many rips."

"As if that's any better from what you provided me. Where the Hell did you find this stuff?"

"Oh, here and there." Dick tested the "f" word on his lips but ultimately couldn't say it without cringing at the obscenity of it, he disappeared behind the door and Jason was almost certain that the first Robin kicked the door behind him. Jason tossed his helmet onto the couch and raised his arms so they could rest on the headboard, a playful grin crossed his face as the door opened again. Trying to hold back his laughter, Jason opened his arms warmly as Dick stood in front of the bed, arms crossed and face burning brighter than a wild fire.

Bright red stiletto heels, a pair of fishnets that hugged well-toned legs, a tiny pair of black underwear with a fluffy rabbit's tail on the back; Jason loved the rabbit ears the most though but the long fishnet gloves along with a studded black collar had Jason ready to repopulate the Earth.

"You're terrible."

"I just wish I brought a camera." Dick walked around the bed, slipped off a heel and plunged the shoe in between Jason's legs. He grabbed his suit and the bed sheets and then called Bruce to come and pick him up. Jason fell off the bed and grabbed at his crotch, smirking a bit as he laughed.

"Our little secret, right?"

"Screw you."

"You wish."

**Number 244: Child's Play**

"Jason, you killed me again."

"You were in my way."

"I'm on your team, idiot."

"Shut up, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn is busy fighting Droids."

"…Jay, you did it _again_."

"You're not doing it right."

"I've got it covered over here - damnit - not again!"

Jason snickered and leaned back against the couch, pausing the game and turning to Dick with a smirk. Lego Star Wars, something that Tim and Conner usually played, was left in the open and the eldest boys of the Bat Family decided to kill some time before Dick went patrolling with Tim.

"Why do you do this to me?"

"It's the closest I can get to killing you."

"…Are you screwing with me?"

"Tonight? Probably."

"…I walked right into that, didn't I?"

"Sure did."

Jason pushed play and they two of them continued their play through –

"Damnit Jason! Stop killing me!"

**Number 245: Secret**

Dick liked walking around Gotham at night despite the times when he would be without the comfort of his Nightwing suit, the city had its charms in the cool breeze or a gentle rain. He always found himself wandering around Crime Alley, imaging what it would've been like for Jason to grow up here. Of course, he still cared for Tim and Damien but he had known Jason longer and there were still things he didn't know about his brother.

"_I pulled into Nazareth, I was feelin' about half past dead;  
I just need some place where I can lay my head.  
"Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"  
He just grinned and shook my hand, and "No!", was all he said.  
_  
_Take a load off Annie, take a load for free;  
Take a load off Annie, And you can put the load right on me."  
_

Dick paused in his pondering, trying to find the source of the secret voice, and ran down one alleyway. A mist had starting falling from the sky and Dick was reminded that he had a date with Barbara in an hour.

_"I picked up my bag, I went lookin' for a place to hide;  
When I saw Carmen and the Devil walkin' side by side.  
I said, "Hey, Carmen, come on, let's go downtown."  
She said, "I gotta go, but m'friend can stick around.  
_  
_Take a load off Annie, take a load for free;  
Take a load off Annie, And you can put the load right on me."  
_  
_Go down, Miss Moses, there's nothin' you can say  
It's just ol' Luke, and Luke's waitin' on the Judgement Day.  
"Well, Luke, my friend, what about young Anna Lee?"  
He said, "Do me a favor, son, woncha stay an' keep Anna Lee company?"  
_  
Dick started running again and stared up at a crumbling church, he could just barely make out a figure standing in the bell tower.

"_Take a load off Annie, take a load for free;  
Take a load off Annie, And you can put the load right on me."  
_  
_Crazy Chester followed me, and he caught me in the fog.  
He said, "I will fix your rags, if you'll take Jack, my dog."  
I said, "Wait a minute, Chester, you know I'm a peaceful man."  
He said, "That's okay, boy, won't you feed him when you can."_

_Take a load off Annie, take a load for free;_  
_Take a load off Annie, And (and) (and) you can put the load right on me."_

Dick climbed in through a broken window, stepping over shattered glass and when he bent to touch it, it felt warm. There was something else there too. Dick rubbed his fingers together and raised his hand to his face, smelling iron and shutting his eyes. When he opened them again, a ray of moonlight lit up the darkness and Dick counted at least five bodies. He stood up and walked over to a basin of water, dipping his fingers in and washing off the blood. He could smell gunpowder, someone probably set up bombs outside or inside the church, there were scuff marks on the floor and Dick assumed there was a struggle. He walked to the far wall and put a hand against the stone, it turned to dust at his touch, so someone was thrown here and thrown _hard._ A door to his right was open and drops of blood climbed a rotting staircase. Dick saw that the supporting beams were still good and they stuck out a bit, so Dick took a few steps back then jumped into the air. One hand came around the beam and he swung himself into a handstand and moved his legs back, throwing them forward to give him enough power to propell himself to the next beam. The voice sounded again, this time a little closer._  
_

"_Catch a Cannonball, now, t'take me down the line  
My bag is sinkin' low and I do believe it's time.  
To get back to Miss Annie, you know she's the only one.  
Who sent me here with her regards for everyone.__"_

Dick was now directly underneath the bell tower, another level contained more bodies, most likely the thugs of some prominent drug lord, and their backs were riddled with bullet holes. He heard the owner of the mysterious voice pace back and forth before ash fell on Dick's shoulder. Great, another smoking Casanova with a trigger happy finger.

"_Take a load off Annie, take a load for free;  
Take a load off Annie, And (and) (and) you can put the load right on me."_

Dick paused, hoisting himself up and sitting there as the voice trailed off, the figure shook and gave a heavy sob before clearing his throat and turning around. Dick kept his mouth shut and patted the seat next to him as Jason dried his eyes and sat down stiffly, putting both guns into their respective holsters and pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Rough day?"

"No shit."

"Take a load off, Jay, I got you."

**Number 246: Battle of the Cowl**

"Jason, for the last time, _I'm_ Batman."

"No, you're not. I'm Batman this time."

"No, you're ego doesn't need to get any bigger and you don't need any big ideas."

"One time. Just _one_ time, Dick."

"I said no."

"Fuck you!"

"Shut up!"

Damien stuck his head in the room and rolled his eyes.

"It's a video game. Idiots."

"I'm Lego Batman!"

"Jason, I _will_ pummel you into this couch!"

**Number 247: Halloween (thanks Erebus)**

"Jason…where's Tim?"

"Um…in the bathroom?" Bruce sighed and passed Jason his bloody knife and white hockey mask splattered with fake blood and looked over at Dick, proudly wearing a Robin costume (ironically), and that same Robin had managed to put Damien into an orange cat costume. The youngest son had cat whiskers painted on his face along with a pink nose, he carried his pillowcase in one hand and a wooden sword in the other.

"Damien, you don't need the stick." The child didn't say anything and Bruce called Alfred over, the butler appeared with a can of black spray paint and Bruce took it, telling Damien to hold his breath and shut his eyes. Bruce tapped his son on the shoulder a few seconds later and smiled.

"Now, you're a tiger. Jason do you have any fangs from last year?"

"Nope, Stephanie took them before she left." Damien shrugged and walked around to the counter, standing up on his toes and opening a drawer, pulling out a set of teeth for his own use.

"Are those shark teeth?"

"Possibly." Dick chuckled and lifted Damien onto his shoulders, Jason made a move to leave as well but Bruce caught him by the scruff of his neck.

"Where's Tim?"

"You're not letting me go unless I tell you, huh?"

"Yes and unless you want to go candy less for another year, I suggest you start talking."

Jason sighed and moved his mask on top of his head, walking up the stairs and opening the door to Tim's room. Bruce noticed something was wrong instantly. Tim's room was always cleaned, Alfred never touched Tim's room _because _he was so clean. But all manner of bed sheets were stuffed inside a closet, Tim's chair and desk were turned over, papers and pencils were strewn across the floor. Jason smiled to himself and walked to the closet, pulling out the blankets until he pulled out what looked like a rolled up carpet, he unrolled it, then started laughing. Bruce put a hand over his eyes and groaned.

There was Tim. Wrapped in plastic wrap and duct tape. It looked like Jason had tied Tim like a traditional mummy with the plastic wrap then reinforced it with the duct tape, poor Tim was gagged and blindfolded too.

"Tim? You OK?" Jason asked, nudging Tim's side with his shoe.

"Mmmck yoo." Jason snickered, ruefully and poked hsi brother's side again. Bruce bent down and helped Tim sit up and tore the tape off as gently as he could; as soon as the third Robin had use of his mouth and eyes, he was glaring and swearing.

"I will fucking kill you, Jay, fucking kill you."

"_Sure_ you will." Jason crossed his arms over his chest.

"Don't underestimate me, if I get you drunk enough, I will do this to you and _bury you_."

"OK, Tim. That's enough."

"I'll kill him, Bruce, I swear to God." Jason put a hand over Tim's mouth.

"Maybe we've should've kept the gag on." Tim bit his hand.

**Number 248: The Story of the Porcelain Princess**

It starts with a few drinks and ends with Jason sticking his head down the toilet.

**Number 249: Pop Culture**

Bruce Wayne is sick of the fangirls

Alfred is sick of the blatant misuse of cutlery **(Alfred: I'm looking at you, Sebastian.)**

Richard "Dick" Grayson is sick of "Team Insert Name Here"

Jason Todd is sick of Jason Beiber **(Jason: He can't sing, he looks like a girl and he's the biggest pussy in the world.)**

Tim Drake is sick of sicko's **(Tim: The "Canadian Psycho"? Really? Hex, your country is weird.)**

Damien Wayne is sick of being called cute.

And, for the Hell of it, HextheDaydreamer is sick of One Million Moms throwing hissy fits over fictional characters and their sexual preferences. **(Hex: If memory serves, the Christ is the one who's supposed to judge the living and the dead. Last I checked, none of you are Jesus Christ.)**

**Number 250: First Time (thanks Chaseha-Wing) **

Dick had three broken ribs, a broken arm, broken ankle, and one Hell of a scar running across his chest. Killer Croc was not his cup of tea, maybe a cup of acid, but _certainly not_ a cup of green tea. He was trying to fall asleep in the midst of Alfred vacuuming the floor outside his door and he could hear Barbara in the room next to him gabbing away with a friend. He would've liked to stay in the hospital for a while, maybe a week or so, but Bruce was having a stressful couple of days with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn striking up a budding relationship, pun fully intended. Three banks had been robbed already and Jason was having no luck against Ivy, Harley he could take but then again…Harley was wearing clothes with Ivy had vines wrapped in all the right places.

Speaking of Dick's replacement, the second Robin walked into the room and flopped onto the bed beside Dick, flying head first into a pillow.

"What's up, little Jay?"

"I'm…well…you see…" Dick lolled his head to one side and Jason sat up on his elbows, giving Dick a pleading gaze.

"Something bothering you…?" Jason looked off to the side and Dick nudged him with his good arm. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?" Jason jumped off the bed and headed for Dick's stereo, turning it up high and leaning against it, eyes hazy and unfocused. Dick kind of started blushing, "So Hot" by Kid Rock was playing and while he hadn't told Bruce he had gotten the song, he sure as Hell didn't want to give Babs the wrong idea; evidently that wasn't much of a problem. Jason had climbed back onto the bed and crawled over Dick's legs, being extra carefully on the broken one. Now straddling his adoptive brother's hips, Jason pinned the good arm down and raised himself to Dick's level, ghosting his lips over Dick's mouth and shutting his eyes.

This was so wrong but then again, Dick couldn't change the situation as Jason kissed him. Dick hadn't kissed another man before and Jay was sixteen, having plenty experience with the few girls he had dated. There was something incredibly exotic about it all, the pink tongue capturing his own, the plump lips that were utterly unyielding. Then Jason put his hands under Dick's shirt, Nightwing's body was burning up and Jason's cold hands rose up his stomach and pinched his nipples. Dick moaned, trying to push Jason off, trying to breathe and clear his head because he was biting back, swallowing saliva and trying to consume Jason as much as he could.

So this was hunger. The song was beginning to fade out and Jason hopped off the bed, shut the stereo off, said goodbye, then disappeared out the door leaving Dick to sit there fingering his lips and wiping the drool from the corners of his mouth, trying to figure out what the Hell just happened.

* * *

**Number 245: **Jensen Ackles, who played Jason Tood in Under the Red Hood, can sing people and he sounds wonderful, perfect even._  
_

Sorry for making you all wait but I wanted to make this extra long seeing as my last chapter was...too small. You guys can totally request songs for Jason to sing because now that I've found out that Jensen can sing, Sing Jason is something I will proudly do. Um...Yeah, I played the demo for Lego Batman 2 and I know I'm getting it, I must. I think _It Sucks Being the Youngest _will be posted sometime this week and I'm stalling on _Ladies Do It Better _because my knowledge of the girls in the Bat Family is limited. OK, I think I've covered everything so leave a song or suggestion and I'll try and upload again this week but I've got two exams coming up so I kinda have to study.

Whatever, thanks for reading and I hoped you enjoyed!


	22. Chapter 22

**Number 251: Distraction (For Kathy R. Edgeworth)**

Red Hood had given Nightwing and Red Robin a promising lead on a few illegal gun trafficking rings funded by Black Mask, he had told them to meet him inside a local warehouse and they would get to kick some ass and get their faces plastered over the newspapers again however, when the caped vigilantes arrived, Red Hood was surrounded by a bunch of mean looking guys holding AK-47's and it looked like they could actually use them. Red Hood had his hands in the air and he shrugged childishly as one guy poked his chest.

"And what are _you_ doing here?" Nightwing swore he heard Red Hood chuckle as he pulled down his pants, raised his arms over his head and shouted –

"Pudding!" Red Robin had shut his eyes but still heard the awkward flapping sound coming from the Hood's pelvic area. The gangster's were stunned stupid and Red Hood pulled his pants back up, whipped out his guns and shot each thug right between the eyes. He stared up at Nightwing and waved, Red Robin put a hand over his eyes and turned away, saying he got a call from Alfred about Two-Face. Nightwing wished he had an excuse like that because the Commissioner had pulled up and he probably wanted an explanation.

He shook his head, he's Batman's sidekick and like his mentor, he should avoid police and media entirely.

…That and he doesn't want to explain the hugeness of Jason's dick.

**Number 252: Safe and Sound (for Chaseha-Wing)**

Gotham is a walking graveyard when you think about it, people tend to leave the city quickly whether it means moving away or moving to Heaven or Hell. A lot of places are abandoned and if you search each one as carefully as you can, you'll notice two things: a two month supply of food and eight blankets. But then again, no one does that anymore because weird people tend to live in foreclosed buildings or just really careful people.

People like Jason Todd, commonly known as Red Hood.

Because there are two things Jason never wants to be again and that's being cold and hungry.

Too bad Bruce is such an ass to him or he might come home.

**Number 253: Battle of the Dick (for batman-defeats-all)**

_"Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend."_

"Jason, quit it, I have two dozen case files to go through and I do not need you distracting me."

_"In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger, cause I can – cause I can do it better."_

"I mean it, Jason, stop doing that."

"_There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? She's so stupid, what the Hell were you thinking?"_

"OK, that's it!" Dick whipped around in his chair, lifted himself off the seat while keeping his hands on the armrests, and he kicked Jason onto the bed then propelled himself forward and kissed him. After a few minutes of silent blushing, Dick pulled away and went back to his desk, breathing under his breath –

"_Hey, hey, you, you, I know that you like me. No way, no way, you know it's not a secret. Hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your girlfriend."_

**Number 254: Teasing (For CHiKa-RoXy and Clementine)**

If chasing Catwoman wasn't enough, Nightwing did an excellent job of tripping over the Red Hood and slamming face first into the pavement. The rooftops were extremely dangerous especially if you're in one of these situations.

A Wild Jason blocks your path.

Jason uses "obvious body placement" on Dick.

It's super effective!

Recovering from the pitfall and walking back to Jason, his face thankfully was not shredded to bits, he started poking Jason's helmet, suddenly interested in the sound it made for five minutes.

"Tough night huh, Jason?" he didn't say anything and Dick continued his poking and started humming obnoxiously.

"STOP FUCKING POKING ME! And stop showing off you crotch, for fuck's sake."

"Oh, enjoying the show down there. The view's nice, huh?"

Jason remained silent although he angrily crossed his arms over his chest and growled up at Dick who merely smiled.

**Number 255: Let It Go (for The Official Girl Wonder)**

"_I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
'Cause no one else cared"_

Maybe it was all a bad dream and he'd wake up in bed with his teddy and Bruce looking down at him with a sad smile but this wasn't a dream. It was a live action nightmare that was slowly coming to an end with the flickering of red light. When the bomb blew up, Jason was surprised that his body didn't split up into tiny pieces, a large piece of concrete had crushed his skull almost instantly and he was left to watch Batman come stumbling into the debris with wide eyes as he hovered above his broken body. Oh, he tried to tell Bruce that it wasn't his fault but his father couldn't hear him. No one could.

"_After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here?_

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know"

Jason woke up screaming, torn from his world of black to wake up drowning, he couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Where was Bruce? Where was Dick? Where was someone to help him? The settled in and turned to rage, he ripped free of the bonds and killed anything he could get his hands on. Burst through a window and started falling. What the Hell was he doing? He wasn't going to die again so screw off, Death.

"_Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shared what I've made  
I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you_

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know"

When he saw Dick the first time after his resurrection, Nightwing looked ready to pass out. Jason walked over slowly, tossed the helmet aside and displayed himself, showing no scars or decaying flesh. He had gotten a taste of his own medicine and Dick didn't need to be afraid.

When Bruce and him had their fight, Jason showed the first real weakness in front of his father and the clown. He wasn't Batman, he wasn't cold enough or wise enough but then again, Bruce wasn't exactly picture perfect either. So when they met up again after the Joker and the Black Mask were locked up in Gotham Asylum, Bruce question of his coming home was the same.

"I'm not coming home until that bastard is dead."

They met up several times after that, with Bruce feeling just as sorry and guilty; it made Jason sick to his stomach.

"Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well, pretending someone else can come and save me from myself - I can't be who you are, Bruce, I fucking can't!"

"_When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed  
Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory  
Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest"_

Tim listened with a kind of dumb look on his face, a part of him wanted to laugh at Jason quoting the song but another part of him felt his heart shatter. He didn't quite understand why Jason had come all this way to sing to him but then again, riots were happening in the streets again with fear gas polluting the air and Bane wreaking havoc on anything that moved. Tim pulled his cowl over his face and leaned forward to kiss Jason's lips, holding himself there and sighing deeply.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll come back for more."

" _Forgetting all the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well  
Pretending someone else can come  
And save you from yourself  
I can't be who you are  
I can't be who you are."_

Tim was singing softly after he turned down being Jason's Robin, watching the Big Bad Batman take off into the night, cracking fire from his guns and laughing manically.

"You can save yourself, Jay, if you'd just let it go."

**Number 256:** **Fuck You, He's Drunk… (for Kathy R. Edgeworth again)**

…and singing "Raise Your Glass" in several different keys at once, doing some sort of dance on the table, spilling his beer all over Dick's head until he slips on a napkin and falls face first into Tim's birthday cake. Which is why Tim never hosts parties at the Manor unless Jason is sober or Dick and Babs team up to organize.

The next morning, the hangover doesn't impede Jason's ability to be awfully annoying.

"_Oh shit, my glass is empty, that sucks!_

So if you're too school for cool,  
And you're treated like a fool,  
You can choose to let it go  
We can always, we can always – "

"Jason, shut the fuck up!"

"Don't knock it till you try, Timmy!"

Alfred sighed deeply and patted Dick on the shoulder.

"I think Master Jason just hit puberty again."

"That or Tim just kicked in the pants."

"Most likely the latter."

"Yep."

**Number 257: Early Morning (for CHiKa-RoXy)**

Dick liked to dream about flying through the air, unaffected by the restraints of gravity and totally free enough to any death defying trick because he could catch himself before falling. And yet, the fluffy white cloud that he was flying to suddenly turned into a huge pair of lips and started kissing any naked flesh in sight. Then Dick realized he was awake and the cloud was actually Jason.

"Mmpf! Jason? What am I? – nrgg – A one stop – oh God – A stop center for all your – _Christ_ – morning mood problems?"

"You should be flattered – uh – that I chose you, blue bird~"

"Get your hands out of my pants!"

"Whoops, hands slipped."

**Number 258: Presents for Jason**

"Alfred, why exactly, do I need these."

"The dictionary is for learning words that aren't swears and the soap is to wash your mouth of all the obscenities."

"And if I don't use them?"

"I still have a tray with your face imprinted in it, Master Jason, and I'd rather not start a museum of the numerous expressions your face can make when I hit you with them."

**Number 259: Evening Meetings (for CHiKa-RoXy)  
**Dick woke up with the distinct feeling at something was pressed against his buttocks, and on a later note that he was incapable of moving his legs. He turned over and Jason stared up at him innocently, pressing his face cheeks to Dick's bum cheeks. The older boy flushed and pushed himself onto his elbows, giving Jason his best "WTF" look.

"What? You have a soft butt."

"…Thanks…?"

"You welcome."

Jason closed his eyes and Dick saw that the younger teen had wrapped his arms around his brother's thighs and legs around his knees.

"And how did you get here?"

"Through your window."

"Because that's not creepy at all."

"Shut up, pillows aren't meant to talk."

"Neither are bed bugs."

"Ouch."

"Got'cha."

"Says the guy who's legs are trapped."

"You know what? I'm going back to bed."

"Sweet dreams."

"I hope I fart in your face."

**Number 260: Award Ceremony**

They made a trophy for "The Most Suspensions" especially for Jason but now every boy is trying to beat his record.

* * *

Gosh, this was so terribly emotional, I tried to balance funny and depressing. I swear, I did the Linkin Park song and started crying. Geez. And then the pudding one...I need to get back into _Supernatural_.

But anyways, I have a surprise for you guys! _It Sucks Being the Youngest _starts today! I've got the first two chapters done, the first chapter will be up today while the second...maybe Wednesday because I want to go over it a bit more. So you guys can swing over there whenever and for **DeathwishJV** your suggestions are in the second chapter, the ones about Damien.

So see you guys later!


	23. Chapter 23

**Number 261: Saturday**

When Dick gets kidnapped and Jason rushes in to save him.

**Number 262: Doctor**

Dick has learned a few things from Alfred when it comes to cleaning wounds, treating infections, dealing with bruises and blisters, bandaging scars, curing illness, and making someone smile without the use of a lollipop.

**Number 263: Upside Down**

That is what Jason does to Tim, grab him by the ankles and hanging him over the edge of the balcony while he demands to know where his cigarettes are.

**Number 264: Wrestling**

Dick's only problem with wrestling is that Jason takes it all too seriously and when he tries the moves hoping to emerge unscarred and victorious, he usually ends up breaking something.

"It's fake, you know that right?"

"Sure, crush my dreams, why yah tell me that Santa Claus doesn't exist too?"

"Come on, Jay."

"I suppose the Tooth Fairy is made up, and the Easter Bunny, and the Grab-Me-Gotcha?"

"Jay…that was me hiding under your bed."

"Oh…"

**Number 265: Shattered**

Dick didn't trust his senses at this point or anything anyone was saying to him, he wasn't going to let go either and there nothing anyone could do about it, and that was final.

The thing was that Superman didn't feel strong enough to pull Dick away from Batman without collapsing into tears himself.

**Number 266: Sports**

Bruce knew never to enlist Jason in any sport because he would go out to hurt instead of play. Baseball, bowling, hockey, football, and soccer were delisted after Jason A) hit someone with the baseball and broke bones B) he purposely dropping the ball on someone's foot C) he crosschecked, slammed, slashed, hit people with his stick, and hit the pluck so hard that it knocked teeth out D) tackling, that speaks for itself E) sliding into people's shins and breaking them, kicking the ball into someone's face.

Bruce thought ping-pong would be harmless.

He was wrong.

**Number 267: Sneak Attack**

Dick should've known something bad was going to happen when all the lights in Wayne Manor refused to turn on. Bruce was in China and Tim was staying at Conner's place in Smallville for the weekend, he heard Babs was babysitting Damien but then again he didn't see either one of them.

Walking into the living, a small something barrelled into his side sat on his chest:

"Todd! I got him!"

Oh crap…

Moments later that tiny body was replaced with a much larger one that smelled of leather and smoke.

"Hey Jay," Dick said tightly, slowly losing oxygen. "Can you get off?"

"Sure." He rolled off and slammed a pie into Dick's face and took off with Damien on his shoulders, the two of them giggling like school girls. Dick sat up and licked the cream from around his face and the lights turned back on, Alfred appeared in the doorway and shrugged.

"Master Jason brought sugar."

"That explains a lot but why the lights?"

"I believe they thought it would be scary." Dick snorted then started coughing, the cream had gone up his nose and back out his mouth again.

"Sorry, Wayne Manor is not scary, you should see just Jason's room alone. I think he's lost friends in there."

"I heard that, you dick."

"I know, Captain Cancer, don't get your panties in a twist."

"Oh _shut up_."

**Number 268: Spamming**

Tim stared at his phone with a very bored look on his face as his phone vibrated every five seconds. Dick leaned over his shoulder and snickered, ruffling his brother's hair and continuing his walk into the kitchen where he slipped on a banana.

"Colin, please pick up after yourself."

"Sorry Richard."

"Please, it's Dick."

Tim rolled his eyes and got off the couch and walked to the grand staircase just as Bruce was walking down with Selina.

"Jason, stop spamming me already. You _know_ I take it up the ass, where else would I take it?"

In the midst of Bruce trying to decide whether he should go white or red, Selina started laughing and Jason walked out of his room clad only in a pair a blue jeans.

"Just making sure."

"You've probably taken it in the head, that's why you're so stupid."

Jason levelled a glare at his little brother and gave him the finger, Bruce merely sighed and apologized to Selina for the boys behaviour. Back in the kitchen, the smoke alarm went off and Jason came running down the stairs, pulling on a white T-shirt and leaped over Tim's head. Bruce leaned against the door as more shouting came from the kitchen, mostly Jason as he berated Dick for letting his cookies bake for too long.

"Jason, you are such a princess!"

"Well you're a damn idiot!"

"Fine, jackass!"

"No cookies for you!" Bruce could've sworn he heard Dick whimper.

**Number 269: On the Rooftop (for CHiKa-RoXy) **

When music started playing and Nightwing found himself dancing the Tango like it was nobody's business with some shady Casanova who oddly smelled of smoke and roses, the obvious question came to mind when he curled left leg around his partner's right leg and proceeded to slide down.

"Are you drunk or what?" Nightwing asked perfectly serious as his partner pulled him closer, he naturally dragged his left foot against the ground and wrapped his left arm around this person's shoulders.

"Maybe." Jason answered from the rose between his teeth, Dick frowned.

"I'm not kissing you with that in your mouth." Jason spit the flower out and leaned in, Dick coughed. "Oh yeah, definitely drunk. And smoking too, how wonderful. I'm kissing Death." Jason spun Dick around and lowered him to the ground grinning like an idiot and planting a quick kiss on Dick's nose.

"You know you love me."

"Regrettably so now shut up and kiss me."

**Number 270: Jealousy is a Red Helmet**

Dick woke up and the bed was empty save for him and the helmet. Yes, Jason looked rather ridiculous when he wore it but alone, unworn, and silent, there was some mystery about it like his own mask. There was always a certain degree of mystery when it came to Jason, Dick didn't know what he did during the day and even if he were to ask, Jason would lie. He doesn't want to come home. Not yet at least.

Dick rolled onto his side feeling each muscle protest against any movement, and reached for the mask, staring into the eyes and shutting his own, remembering where the lips would've been had Jason been wearing it.

"I'm still here, you know." Dick pushed himself onto his elbows and winced, giving Jason a smile and fingering the helmet thoughtfully as Jason towel dried his hair.

"Jealous of your helmet, Jason?" Dick asked, finally sitting up with the helmet in his lap. Jason chuckled and Dick noticed that he was already dressed and in the midst of pulling his pants up.

"And why would I do that if I get plenty from you?" Jason turned around as Dick pouted, lifting the helmet up and kissing it again.

"Poor helmet, let me kiss you some more."

"You make me wanna puke." Jason put on his red mask and turned around with his hands on his hips, rolling his hands and holding out his hand.

"Gimme that."

"Aww, no fair."

"Hmm." Jason folded his jacket over his shoulder and raised the helmet to his head, he felt familiar blue irises zero in on his lips.

"Jason," Dick cooed, "you forgot something."

"But you already had them a few hours ago."

"Oh come on, Jay. Just one more?" Jason stood still for a while and watched Dick's eyes grow bigger and bigger, with a tired sigh, he leaned over and pressed his lips against Dick's, savouring the warmth and sweetness before he pulled away for breath.

"You are such a softie, Dickie Bird." He said before Dick caught him in another kiss.

"If I feel like it." Jason brushed his finger's along Dick's arm and walked to the window, opening it up and pulling the helmet over his face. He put one leg out as Dick laughed.

"Your helmet is a better kisser than you are, by the way." Jason half tempted to throw it at his head but he realized too late that he was wearing the damn thing, swing his other leg out the window, he looked back and stared Dick.

"Stop talking about my helmet!"

**Bonus: Colours. Please Let Me Be Wrong**

It was a text message sent two days ago but he had been fighting crime and saving damsels so he hadn't checked his messages and now, he was wishing he'd done it earlier.

"_Please forgive me. I gave up."_

No bluer tear has been shed.

* * *

Everything was going just fine until **Bonus**, sorry, there's a chance someone has died in the past week and I don't know if it's true or not. Curse my compassionate heart.


	24. Chapter 24

**Number 271: Awe (for Chaseha-Wing)**

At first, Jason didn't believe a single word Bruce had said regarding the huge circus tent just outside Gotham city, surrounded by rusted cages and faded banners depicting the various acts that would memorize and captivate. The second Robin was supposed to be on patrol, the time one that he could do on his own, but he heard Nightwing was in town and he just had to see his older brother, Alfred had been kind enough to direct him to the circus's location, the billboard that used to display its name had been shot full of bullets and eroded with time and weather conditions.

Robin pushed the curtains away and stared around the expanse of empty air, the stands which held hundreds of people were deserted, old paper cups and those funny little cone-shaped things that held cotton candy were scattered around the seats. White chalk preserved the last thing that remained of the Flying Graysons and it made him sick to look at it any more. Robin heard something cut through the air above him and upon looking up, he saw the last Grayson soaring through the air with practiced grace. Robin let his mouth drop open as Nightwing hung upside-down by his knees, his arms reached out and grasped an oncoming bar, swinging backwards and flipping onto the stand. He took a deep breath as if suspecting applause and another bar suspended on wire came towards him and he leapt into the air again, grabbing the bar with both hands and kicking his legs, propelling his body into an artful spin and catching the next bar.

Robin probably watched him for a good ten minutes before Nightwing realized he had an audience, the first Robin waved at his brother with one of those bright smiles and moved to one of the giant ladders, sliding down and running over to ruffle Robin's hair. The rebel didn't say anything at first, still staring at the faded chalk and a dark look passed over Nightwing's face momentarily, Robin looked away with an embarrassed look on his face.

"I don't think about it or at least, that's what I tell myself." Dick said softly, walking over and kneeling by the figures that appeared to be overlapping each other. "This is my place now. Haley's Circus. I'm going to change the name soon but I don't know what will fit. For now…it's just…"

"A bad memory?" Dick flinched and Jason looked down.

"Yeah…A bad memory." He shook Jason's shoulder with another smile and recalled how Jason was supposed to be on patrol, he offered to come along and Jason didn't say no. He just wanted that morose expression to get off of Dick's face because it didn't belong there in the first place.

**Number 272: No Contest**

Dick can hang upside-down for an hour or more.

Jason lasts for ten minutes before his head starts to hurt.

**Number 273: Kick in the Teeth**

"_We live in a cold dark world with venom in its fangs.  
You can spit it in my face but I know I'll be ok  
It's on the attack. It's a war, It's a game.  
A ball and chain chew my arm off to get away  
Don't fight, or deny it, invite it cause when it .._

Feels like a kick in the teeth, I can take it.  
Throw your stones and you won't see me break it.  
Say what you want, take your shots.  
You're setting me free with one more kick in the teeth  
(Na na na na na)  
Kick in the Teeth (na na na na na na)"

It was one of those nights when the odds were stacked against him like a scene for one of those action movies when your dashing hero Is up against the wall with several guns pointed at him, not that Jason is particularly worried. His right shoulder is hanging out of its socket, he's got a cut above his left eye and the blood is beginning to impair his sight, he's got bruised fists and a cracked four cracked ribs, Alfred would kill him. Just to unnerve his prey, Red Hood take his dislocated shoulder and shoves it back into place without a whimper of pain, the bad guys grimace and heft their guns up, preparing for the worst.

"_I gotta say thanks cause you kick me when I'm down  
I'm bleeding out the mouth.  
I hope you know I'm stronger now.  
I'm taking the hate, I'm turning it all around.  
I won't go down 'til I'm six feet underground.  
Don't fight, or deny it, invite it, cause when it ..._

Feels like a kick in the teeth, I can take it.  
Throw your stones and you won't see me break it.  
Say what you want, take your shots.  
You're setting me free with one more kick in the teeth  
(na na na na na )  
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)

What doesn't kill me only, will make me stronger in my head  
In my head"

Gunshots ring clear in the autumn sun, the fire from the guns light up the walls and project shadows of falling bodies with the heads missing; Jason jacked a shotgun and didn't put it to waste. By the end of the carnage, police cars are driving up the street and it's Jason's cue to get out, not to mention, get his iPod and disconnect it from speaker's surrounding the abandoned parking lot. He skipped inside and paused to play a bit of air guitar, head banging to the drums and then smiling jovially at the police as they surround the gas station. Jason rolled his eyes, they never learn.

"_Cause when it  
Feels like a kick in the teeth, I can take it.  
Throw your stones and you won't see me break it.  
Say what you want, take your shots  
You're setting me free with one more kick in the teeth  
(na na na na na )  
Kick in the teeth  
(na na na na na)  
Say what you want. Take your shots.  
You're setting me free with one more kick in the. teeth  
(na na na na na)  
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)  
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)  
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)"_

You can never appreciate the use of smoke bombs unless you throw six down and cause twenty officers to start coughing. Sneaky bastard.

**Number 274: Expelled**

It's almost impossible for female teachers to teach Jason Todd without getting suspected of sexual relations with him.

Jason just like flirting too much and the teachers are usually fresh out of university and perfect targets for the Gotham Casanova's pick-up lines.

**Number 275: Passive-Aggressive**

Dick has an incredible amount of patience inside of him but that also leaves a lot of room for anger to build up over time. He's like a bottle of champagne, the anger bubbles up and when you release the cork, someone always gets hurt.

Dick's anger got so bad that he punched Jason in the face for telling him dinner was ready.

**Number 276: Short Black Skirt**

Jason wasn't known for being a skirt chaser unless he was clearly mystified by a fine pair of legs, he just wasn't expecting to fall for his college professor. Bruce had convinced him to go to college under a pseudonym (because to the rest of Gotham and the world, "Jason Todd" was dead.), and had forced Tim to be his tutor which was both demoralizing and kind of embarrassing. So on a fresh Thursday morning, Jason was sitting in the front row trying his hardest to pay attention to the lecture and trying his best to ignore the way Miss Bertinelli bent down to pick up a pencil and how her skirt would ride up her thighs. She smoothed out her long dark hair and returned the pencil to its owner before she turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow, sensing his stare at last. It took him a few seconds to realize that she had asked him a question; he shrugged and gave her a sheepish smile and she walked over to whack the side of his face with the meter stick but not in a way to punish him but more because she was annoyed with him. Miss Bertinelli gave the class a worksheet and asked that it be handed in by the end of class, Jason dropped his pencil and watched her bend down again, when she moved to give it back, Jason caught her wrist and smiled.

"You should wear skirts more often, _Huntress_." He whispered in her ear, ignoring the startled looks on his classmates faces. The female vigilante bristled at the discovery of her identity but she hid it well behind a tight smile, wrestling her hand free and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm flattered, Mr Dot, but those activities demand…my opponents full attention. I'm afraid I'd dominate you all night if I dressed like this." She waved an arm at her skirt and ran a hand through her bangs before throwing her fist into Jason's face.

Later that night, Robin – our favourite Tim Drake – was scouring the city for some of Joker's minion's when he was pushed up against the wall by a flustered Huntress. Blushing at the close proximity of her chest to his face, Tim offered a weak "hello" and Huntress shook him.

"Tell "Peter" to stop harassing me in front of my students."

"I don't under – " Huntress gave Tim a pointed look and he stopped himself short of defending himself. After politely asking Huntress to move back a bit, he cleared his voice and nodded.

"…I'll tell him." Huntress sighed and muttered an apology before walking away. Tim resumed his original conversation over the com link.

"What did you _do_?" he hissed, grabbing a pair of binoculars and examining the streets below.

"I gave her a complement, that's all I swear." Tim raised an eyebrow and Jason chuckled as if he heard the action. "Come on, I'm not _that_ bad."

"That's where you're wrong, you must've done something pretty bad to piss her off."

"I was just staring."

"_Right_."

"Alright, just get your ass over here. Golden Boy managed to get himself kidnapped by a bunch of Joker wannabes and I'm in no mood to go toe-to-toe with a bunch of mentally retarded clown rejects."

Tim nodded, saying he'd be right over but he couldn't resist a last mental prod.

"Would it make you feel better if they were wearing short black mini shirts?"

"…I just might shoot you tonight."

**Number 277: Embarrassment **

For Tim, Dick was the epitome of awesomeness, there was nothing the twenty-one year old couldn't do. He was gorgeous to look at, gorgeous to listen to, and overall, an incredibly gorgeous person. It was because of Dick that Tim was finally allowed to patrol both with Batman and by himself, he had the best advice (no matter how silly it sounded at the time), and when it came to kidnapping the Red Hood every weekend, Tim was the happiest boy in the world.

However, today was one of those days when Tim's dreams and aspirations were shattered into tiny, unconceivable, little pieces. He was standing off to the side, hiding in the dark as both Dick, donning his Batman suit, and Stephanie in her Batgirl costume, were in the midst of singing "nyan, nyan, nyan" over and over again, with Cassandra backing them up in a confused kind of manner. Jason wasn't around to witness this moment and Tim was grateful, Dick had wrapped an arm around Stephanie and their singing grew more and more enthusiastic. Bruce and Damien happened to come down the stairs and opened his mouth to say something but found no intelligent way to explain the current situation.

"Isn't it beautiful, Father? It's the Christmas carol, only better." Tim could swear Damien started swooning and he brought a hand to his face.

"I…don't understand, Damien." Bruce looked over at Tim as he pulled his Red Robin cowl over his head.

"Shouldn't have sent him that video…"

**Number 278: Hospitals and Doctors**

Due to his escapades in Gotham City, Red Hood has his own room in the Gotham General Hospital and a team of specialized doctors and good looking nurses.

**Number 279: Unhinged (not sure if I did something like this already…?)**

"_This is my rifle, this is my gun. _

_This is for fighting, this is for fun."_

"Jason…are you feeling alright?"

"Yep! Why?"

"Oh…no reason."

**Number 280: Harmony **

In an alternate universe somewhere, Jason and Joker are singing together in perfect harmony.

Ever heard "They're Coming to Take me Away" before?

Yeah?

Well, it's that song.

If you don't, Google "They're Coming to Take me Away, Ha-Haaa!" by Napoleon XIV.

You won't regret it…Much.

**Conclusion to Bonus**

Dick refused to leave his bedroom after asking everyone in the Wayne household about Jason's whereabouts and finding out that no one had seen him in two weeks. Dick didn't understand. He couldn't fathom why Jason would ever want to…no, he shouldn't think like that. Jason can't be…Not after everything that had happened…He couldn't _leave_…

"Open up, Dickie Bird, we need to talk." Dick's limbs were frozen in place, his eyes were wide open and the freefalling tears began to multiply again.

"Don't play around Tim, it's not funny." The door opened.

"Since when have I been Tim to you, Dickie? He called me an hour ago saying you had sunk into a deep depression, I'm glad you haven't cracked open the ice cream."

"Go away." Jason ran a hand through his hair and sighed loudly, tossing his helmet into an empty chair and pushing Dick into the bed. His fingers found their way behind Dick's back and started unzipping the suit, a frown found its way onto his lips.

"What is it going to take to make you believe I'm alive, idiot? Do I really need to fuck you into next Tuesday and give Timmy more nightmares?" He pulled the suit down over Dick's knees and forced his mouth over Dick's, forcing his fingers into Dick's hips and shoving him against the head board.

"But – your- _ugh_ – text."

"It was – hmm – supposed to go to – ah – Roy. Wanted me to – shit – find him a new bow because – Ollie's being – a dick – haha – to him." Dick pushed Jason off his chest and took a few deep breaths, his cheeks were red and Jason had taken off his jacket and was in the midst of pulling his shirt off.

"You've could've texted me back." He said softly, shutting his eyes as Dick unbuckled his belt.

"I was too upset, thought you had – "

"Now think for a second. Would I honestly _kill myself_ after going through Hell to come back to life? Do you know me at all?"

"Guess I overreacted, huh?"

"Sure did, Mother Hen."

"Shut up, Old Cock."

"That sounds like a challenge."

"Anything having to do with butts, cocks, breasts, and condoms, gives you that idea."

"Not my fault you have the finest ass I've ever seen."

"Uh-huh."

"Ready to rock the earth?"

"Yeah, good thing Bruce took Damien on patrol tonight."

"What about Tim and Alfred?"

"Alfred's used to it and I'm sure I heard something crash below us."

"Sounds like Alfred's going to be cleaning the ceiling again."

* * *

_Ha~ _Don't know why I had so much trouble writing this one, geez. The good news is that exams are over and I'm finally free of studying which translates to late nights and late mornings too.

And the person I thought was dead is not dead, I am so relived...We haven't talked and I can't say I'd do what Jason and Dick just did and are probably doing as we speak. The "Alfred's going to be cleaning the ceiling again", is a reference to _It Sucks Being the Youngest_. The new chapter will be up soon, just need to get call my plot wolves to eat the plot bunnies.

Hope you guys enjoyed and leave any suggestions you've got!


	25. Chapter 25

**Number 281: Fun Times with Dick and Jason (for unsanctuaire)**

Dick was chortling with glee as Jason starting to shrink, his arms pulling into his sleeves and his torso folding into itself, his feet turning tiny, and his head suddenly becoming much too small for his helmet. Finally a foot tall with outrageously curly hair with white bangs, Jason let out a pathetic growl and attempted to swim his way out of his pants. Dick set the De-Aging Ray on the display table and pulled out his phone, snapping a few pictures as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Jason swore and gripped the edge of his helmet, lifting it as high as his nose before he sighed deeply, not physically able to take it off.

"Damn my tiny arms, help?"

"Of course, Little Jay." Dick bent down and lifted the helmet off Jason's head and placed it beside the De-Aging Ray.

"Don't call me that or I'll bite your ankles."

"You're so cute~"

Jason huffed and tapped his foot currently trapped in one of his pockets, impatiently and Dick rolled his eyes as he lifted Jason into the air, grinning like an idiot as Jason's shirt looked like a giant circus tent around the six year old. He hugged his young brother close to his chest and Jason tried not to show how much he loved being held in Dick's warm embrace by fidgeting and kicking his stomach.

"I think you're enjoying this a little too much, Dickie." Little Jay wheezed.

"You know you love me."

"Not when you're crushing me to death."

"Oh grow up." Jason glared up at his brother and Dick chuckled.

"I _will_ call Bruce, asshole, if you don't put me down and reverse the crap you just pulled."

"I can't."

"Why the fuck not?" Dick gave Little Jay a pointed look and Jason sighed deeply. "Why can't you change me back, big brother?"

"Because the effects wear off in five days, I think you'll make it."

"Where's Damien when I need him…"

**Number 282: The Responsible Child ( for Decepticon-silverstreak)**

Batman prided himself on that fact that his sidekicks were mostly well-behaved – remember this because it'll come back to bite him in the butt.

Superboy and Superman had little to no contact with each other because Superman was a pansy.

Green Arrow always found a way to piss off Speedy.

And Flash was constantly dealing with Kid Flash and his nose bleeds.

Today, Batman would experience the horror, agitation, and utter annoyance doubled with sheer disbelief when Woman Wonder came by and asked why a certain boy was doing a strip tease on a long silver pole, drink in hand, and singing off key in a voice he knew all too well. It didn't help that the same boy was singing a song Batman despised with a passion, _I'm Sexy and I Know It._ But he feigned ignorance and said he'd check up on it, not realizing that every screen in the Watch Tower was currently broadcasting this…entertaining spectacle. So Batman started thinking. Who would be dumb enough, or cruel enough, to post an intoxicated Jason Todd all over the Tower's system? It took a minute or so until he realized the sidekick he had brought along with him today.

Most of the Robins, with the exception of Damien because he was still too young, had been inducted into the Justice League although Jason's actions have pretty much ruined his chances in staying a part of the team. Red Robin was very bright and resourceful and Superboy had been adamant that he join which translates to him begging his "father" to put him in or else. Batman smirked at the thought, the Man of Steel is too afraid to parent a teenager.

Walking past Martian Manhunter, Batman found Red Robin perched on the railing observing his fellow superheroes with a bemused expression on his face as Jason did a face plant into a conveniently placed cream pie.

"Do you have something you want to tell me?" Batman asked softly, Red Robin chuckled nervously as Jason fell off the table and screamed bloody murder, demanding to be let back onto his pole.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Batman raised an eyebrow and jerked his chin at the screen as Jason started humping the pole. "Don't look at me, I wasn't there." Jason yanked a startled and blushing Tim Drake onto the table and the rebel started teasing his hair.

"You were saying?"

"Um…well…you see…I was just…Aw screw it, I can't win with you."

"You know why?" Red Robin pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger.

"Because, I'm Batman."

"Of course, how could I forget…"

"You're grounded. Now turn it off.

"Yes Mom."

"Grr."

"Wow, threatening."

"Don't push it."

**Number 283: Superheroes and Doors Do Not Mix (For Chaseha-Wing)**

Jason wasn't expecting much to happen on a Thursday afternoon, no prominent drug lords were planning anything too major, most criminals were too busy tangling with Daddy Bats and his team of flightless birds, and he had already taken Emily out on a date this morning. An easy and lazy day now with his garlic bread chili-dogs and a case of beer that Roy had not touched and Starfire was still unaware of, Jason was in no mood to catch the alien drunk again since the last and they were in Moscow. Why you may ask? Jason personal vendetta against Ra's al Ghul led him there and Starfire wanted to feel Russia and went off the deep end.

But anyways, Jason was situated in a new safe house that overlooked the bay and it smelled of salt water most of the time, the seagulls soared through the air and new cuss words came by the dozen, not that Jason is willing to share them. As he lifted a can of beer to his lips, something crashed through the window and knocked him and his food over, with an angry cry of vengeance, his hand flew to his hip and reached for the gun that wasn't there. Tim was giving him the strangest look and Jason whimpered and sat up, remembering his bruised collar bone and crossing his legs.

"Are you guys against doors or something? Did one hit you too hard in the face, Timmy, or are you just too damn lazy to walk up the stairs and turn a knob?"

"We need your help." Batman said shortly, eyeing the mess on Jason's shirt from his chili-dog with disgust. Jason rolled his eyes and peeled the shirt off, walking into his room in a fresh T-shirt and his leather jacket, he put on his mask and holstered his guns.

"Well, if you had some courtesy, I wouldn't have looked so bad."

"Since when have _you_ cared about courtesy?"

"Since you decided spoiling my lunch and breaking my windows is an a good enough excuse to bother me into playing cops and robbers."

**Number 284: A How-To on Wake-Up Calls**

Number 1: Choose you victim. _Jason Todd, younger brother._

Number 2: Sneak into room. _Done._

Number 3: Stick finger in your mouth. _O…kay?_

Number 4: Pull finger out and stick it in victim's ear. _Oh…I get it now. Last step?_

Number 5: Run like Hell, Wet Willies get instant responses.

Note: The generic How-To Agency is not responsible for any injuries sustained in following our step-by-step procedures that may or may not involve ways to jeopardize your health. If any injuries are reported, see a doctor. If you have kicked the bucket, we are not sorry, you decided to be an idiot. Good day.

**Number 285: Bones**

The only time Dick gets bruises is when Jason decides to jump on his chest.

**Number 286: Immature**

"I can't believe you." Nightwing hissed, elbowing his partner and pointing at a gathered group of shady gangsters. "Are you trying to get us murdered?"

"Come on, this is a great idea."

"If you were thirteen again but frankly, you're nineteen and a known criminal."

"Hence the _disguise_, birdbrain."

Nightwing fought against the natural instinct to hit his brother and stood up.

"Fine, don't come crying to me when they start shooting you."

"Come on Dick, chainsaw wielding zombies can only be killed with shotguns, have you ever played _Resident Evil 4_?"

"For the span of an hour and all I did was kill Ashley."

"That wasn't the point of the game."

"Well, it should've been. Now hurry up or else you'll lose your chance."

Red Hood pulled the worn out sack over his head, adjusted his bloody garments and revved his chainsaw to life, walking out into the light with a limp and moaning incessantly. Nightwing put a hand over his eyes and pulled out some twine and wire, running out and lassoing the gangsters together. Red Hood tried to contain his laughter as he dropped the chainsaw and chortled with glee.

"See? Best idea ever!"

"I swear you've been drinking…"

**Number 287: Simply Dick**

Jason sometimes gets random presents with no return address. For the longest time, he had no idea who was sending him these weird and somehow useless gifts until a large package was delivered to him by Roy.

"Did you see who it was?"

"Nope, it was left just outside and address to Red Hood. Think it's dangerous?" Jason eyed the box that was roughly half his height and shrugged. He sank down and pulled out a knife.

"Won't know till we open it, right? Stand back, just in case." Roy leaned in the doorway as Starfire walked out of the bathroom, white towel wrapped around his body and she raised an eyebrow. The box fell open and Jason groaned into his hand.

"Is that…a giant gummi bear?"

"Yep."

"Know who sent it?"

"I do now."

"That's for the bear, Dick."

"I didn't send it."

"Right."

"…"

"…"

"You're welcome, anyway."

**Number 288: Typical Teenager**

"Jason, will you _please_ pull up your pants, I have no desire to know the colour of your underwear."

"You're just jealous because for once, my ass looks better than Dick's."

"Keep telling yourself that, kiddo."

"…That goes for you too, Dick. You both look like penguins."

"Sexy penguins?" Bruce facepalmed.

"Sure, Dick, sexy penguins."

**Number 289: Face**

"Dick…what did you do to my helmet?"

"Bleached it."

"…Why?"

"I felt like it."

"Do you honestly expect me to wear this now that it's…_pink_?"

"I could've picked a worse colour."

"Like what?"

"Puke green, mustard yellow; want to me change it?"

"How about I make your face go black and blue and purple, and we call it even?"

**Number 290: From Behind**

…that's how Dick likes to hug Jason because he can't fight back.

* * *

Does this one seem a little lame to you or is that just me? Well whatever, I'm adding Terry into this story too, he'll be between Jason and Tim but who's to say that he won't change ages a lot? And I'm in the middle of giving Damien's clone a name and whatever so yeah. I will add more Cass and Stephanie once I reach **Number 300** so be a little patient with me.

So yeah, see you!


	26. Important Notice

**Important Notice.**

I'm going to be focusing on _It Sucks Being the Youngest _for a while so you probably won't see anymore chapters for a while. I'm not quitting this story but it's difficult to think as an older sibling and then switch to a younger sibling. It's a little hiatus, don't worry, I want more chapters on _The Youngest _so it can keep up with this one. Who knows, I might give a short chapter here and there if I feel motivated enough.

So yeah, no biggie, come by _It Sucks Being the Youngest, _it'll keep you entertained.

-HextheDaydreamer


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